Madeliene Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 My husband and i have been together 2yrs, married for one of them, To describe him in three words it would be Stubborn, temperamental and possessive. My husband can be very jealous as a few of times when we where out with friends i got chatted up at different times by guys who somehow didn't notice my wedding ring, My husband went ballistic, I don't even talk to guys, the only thing I always say is : Thank you for the compliment, but I am happily married". I love my husband very much and would never dream of cheating on him but I'm constantly accused of things I don't do and i'm starting to get irritated and I never know when I'm going to have to deal with it. The other day when i got back from being out with my friend, I had a Starbucks coffee, The guy who served me wrote ' You're Gorgeous x =)' on the take away cup, As i was still drinking it when i got home I honestly had forgotten about the writing on it but my husband spotted it and freaked out, again. After yet another argument just to p!ss him off i stupidly said that 'maybe the Starbucks guy would treat me a hell of a lot better than he does', This triggered him and he threw the cup at the wall, Grabbed my chin, put his head level with mine and stared at me, When i tried to push him and walk away, he pushed me against the wall gripping my arm, I told him that if he ever puts his hands on me again in anger that i'd leave him, He then he punched the wall and left, He didn't come back until the next day, He apologized and told me that he loves me and needs me to function normally. Without me he feels like he's absolutely nothing and without me he'd completely lose his sanity.. When we don't fight our love is very intense but we've always had a pretty fiery relationship and As i said he can have a temper and has no problem with getting into a guys face. My best friend always says that his fear of losing me is so intense that he'll end up pushing me away. Do you think there is any truth to that? He would never think he has obsessive jealousy, Maybe i am doing something and i don't realize? I love him but he's driving me crazy, He is still a little off with me. How am I supposed to handle this?
TigerCub Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Hi Madeliene There are people out there with extreme jealousy and insecurity issues and your husband sounds like one of those people. You're not doing anything wrong as far as I can tell from what you wrote. The fact that he actually grabbed you like that and then pushed you and then punches a wall and walks off just screams 'abusive' He's making you live in fear or when his next spaz is gonna happen and how bad it might be. Also, just that stuff he's saying like 'without you I'm nothing, I need you to function normally' WTF is that??!!!! that just translates to "I'm insecure and I'm guilting you and I need you to sweep what I did and how I reacted and pushed you under the rug" If he doesn't get a handle on his explosive temper and his jealousy issues, you'll end up stuck with someone that you fear and it may (probably will) just get worse with time. I'm truly sorry for the situation you are in. How old are you two?
carhill Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 During the year prior to M, did you experience any of the behaviors you've related here? From what I'm reading, it sounds like your 'fiery relationship' has always been the case so what about it has changed to become unhealthy to you now? IOW, if he's always been jealous and controlling, he is the man you married. IME, and I meet a lot of women in my life and travels, they are very good about putting out the 'do not disturb' sign when they wish no approaches/comments/flirtation. Even the most aggressive men hit a concrete wall. Something about your behavior and/or aura causes you to appear 'open' to the men 'chatting you up' and writing sweet nothings on drink cups. When that happens, many men pay zero attention to a wedding ring because they sense the woman is open to other men, either as replacements or affair partners. It simply escapes their view because their senses are focused on other things. I'd suggest staying with a family member or friend while you and he decide next steps and work on your relationship dynamics. A man prone to physical and emotional violence is not a safe bet to cohabit with. If you do this, do not act upon other men's advances, which you are certain to get. Focus on the M or end the M. Welcome to LS.
Author Madeliene Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 How old are you two? Thanks for answering me. I am 26 years old and my husband is 32.
jwi71 Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 You are an abused W in an abusive M. It doesn't get better unless your H wants it to get better. And for that he has to understand how his behavior is wrong (abusive). I would, strongly, get you both into MC and him into IC. This is not something that gets better. It gets worse over time left unchecked. He goes to MC and IC or you go. Yes, it's that serious. It cannot be stressed enough - its THAT serious.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 IME, and I meet a lot of women in my life and travels, they are very good about putting out the 'do not disturb' sign when they wish no approaches/comments/flirtation. Even the most aggressive men hit a concrete wall. Something about your behavior and/or aura causes you to appear 'open' to the men 'chatting you up' and writing sweet nothings on drink cups. When that happens, many men pay zero attention to a wedding ring because they sense the woman is open to other men, either as replacements or affair partners. It simply escapes their view because their senses are focused on other things. While in no way condoning what the OP's H has done, I had the same thought in reading her post and can't help but wonder how actively she's discouraging this kind of attention. Some women need the validation of this kind of interplay and there are plenty of men adept at reading the signals and providing the service. This is a separate issue from her H's dangerous conduct and that more important matter should be addressed right away. Your relationship is one of the places where you should feel safe... Mr. Lucky
CarboniteCammy Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 I'm assuming you two don't have children? Are kids in your future with this man? One perspective I'd like to share with you is that when it comes to kids, you really reap what you sew. If you have an abusive relationship with your husband and that's what your kids see, they will inveitably repeat your same patterns through out their lives. Can you imagine your daughter calling you and telling you that her husband threw her against a wall and almost hit her? How would you feel? Or, what if you have a son and he bases the way he treats women off the way your husband treats you. Is this behavior what you want to pass on to the next generation?
standtall Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I happen to agree with duck on this one. The OP sounds immature and enjoys provoking her husband. She also is putting out an " I'm open for flirting" vibe..via eye contact, gestures, smiles, whatever... OP, you need to see some counseling as well. As far as you being an abused spouse in an abusive marriage? I don't think so..yet.
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