sjh2156 Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 (edited) Hi all I am not sure what is going on with a co-worker, one moment she seems really interesting and other times seems rather distant. Some info about us, she is 3 years older than me, I have been single for some time and she got divorced 2 years ago after her partner played away a few times and hurt her badly. Our paths often cross in the working week and we often have a good chat about things in our lives. Up until the last few months she has always been rather nervous / moody person which I assumed was down to her marriage break up and recovery. But the last couple of months she has been really happy and to be honest a different person, she says it is like being her old self. But here is where things get confused, about a month ago we met for coffee outside of work (her idea) and we spent a couple of hours chatting, like we do in the office. I didn't think much off it, just enjoyed the time together and being there for a friend. Then this week we went for drink in the evening to catch up and see how she was doing as she seemed rather fed up at work and I was a bit worried about her. We spent hours together chatting about life and the future and at the end of the evening we had a friendly hug and went our separate ways. The following morning I texted saying it was good to catchup and saying I would be happy to do it again if she ever needed to talk etc. But the response I got was a real eye opener and changed my view of her, she said she thought the world of me and the more time she spends with me the more she wants to spend with me and we should catchup again soon and she would be available whenever. I responded it my usual friendly way saying it was good being there for her and will catchup again soon etc. But since then the response from her has been going around in my head for a few days and I am getting worried with us being so open with each other for so long that it has been taken the wrong way. Don't get me wrong I do think allot of her and we both have been there for each other over the last few years and we are very relaxed when together. Some doubt is creeping in on my part, but I don't want to loose her company or special friendship. I have been trying to talk to her about the situation but either she avoids it or I keep bottling it :-(, which is strange as we pretty much talk about anything. Not sure what to do now :-( Edited December 21, 2012 by sjh2156
newmoon Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 sounds like she had too good of a time this last time w/you and might be interested in more. don't lead her on if you don't have intentions in that direction. cool it with her - no texts, no chats outside of work - keep it office friendly and nothing more.
Author sjh2156 Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 Thanks for the feedback, but what a dilemma, until now I have never thought I would even have a chance with her and have been more than happy with a good friendship for all these years. As you say I need to continue being open and honest with her, so I will talk to her about it and tell her my feelings.
mortensorchid Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 If you are going to date a coworker, you are asking for a lot of trouble. You never have alone time and you never have news or anything to tell each other. "How was your day?" "Same as yours". That aside, with this woman, you must be firm with her at some point. Tell her you had a nice time with her that one coffee date, but you are not interested in her more than a work friend. She will have to understand. If not, then you have another problem of escaping her when you are in the same place at all times. I hope you are successful at this. Quite honestly, she sounds like she is in the driver's seat the entire time. Have you ever asked her out or initiated a conversation? I'm guessing not. Do you want to be second in command the whole time? Think about it.
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