Do I contact the x wife of the OM who my STBXW is having affair with

[edwardo47]

Hello Forum. Feeling pretty angry this morning. Looking for advice. Not that I want my wife back for cheating but feeling a little vindictive towards her for breaking up the family. The OM who, as she said"helped her realize she could feel happy again",is recently divorced, less than a year. 25 years of marriage. He has 2 sons, 18 and 6. I am sure his X has no idea what is going on. Should I contact her and let her know what is going on. Kinda stir the pot a little bit. Also my STBXW family has no idea, I am sure, as to what really pushed her to move out and seek divorce. She comes from a proper socialite family with $. I cannot jeopardize the mediation we have agreed to because it is highly in my favor. But I have a hard cold angry heart at the moment towards my STBXW and my 6 year old sons baseball coach and cubscout leader. If I see this guy on the street, I could do some not so nice things to him. And I'd feel so much better. I am sure of that fact!

[Leaf9]

Resist the urge. It will only feel good until you have to face the repercussions of your actions, trust me, there will be some. For now, just take the high road. If you do something like that your will be loosing what I like to call the "moral high ground." The older I get, the more I work to keep that til my dying breath.

[GuyInLimbo]

What's the point? What do you accomplish by interfering in someone else's life? Let it go.

[Kelemvor]

Hello Forum. Feeling pretty angry this morning. Looking for advice. Not that I want my wife back for cheating but feeling a little vindictive towards her for breaking up the family. The OM who, as she said"helped her realize she could feel happy again",is recently divorced, less than a year. 25 years of marriage. He has 2 sons, 18 and 6. I am sure his X has no idea what is going on. Should I contact her and let her know what is going on. Kinda stir the pot a little bit. Also my STBXW family has no idea, I am sure, as to what really pushed her to move out and seek divorce. She comes from a proper socialite family with $. I cannot jeopardize the mediation we have agreed to because it is highly in my favor. But I have a hard cold angry heart at the moment towards my STBXW and my 6 year old sons baseball coach and cubscout leader. If I see this guy on the street, I could do some not so nice things to him. And I'd feel so much better. I am sure of that fact!

 

Look, don't be a fool. Wait until after the mediation/settlement. The last thing you want is a pissed off soon to be ex-wife and lawyer during a mediation day. I just went through one and they suck.

 

If you think her family would turn against her, in spite of what she "did" or "didn't do", you're probably wrong. My ex-wife was at fault for several things, but so was I and on top of that, I cheated. My family found out about everything and would argue until they were blue in the face about how I did nothing wrong and any fault of mine was due to my wife's actions, etc.. Are they right? Of course not, but that's just how biased and blinded families can be. They would think the world of me regardless of what I did or didn't do.

 

If her family has money, and really gets pissed, they can litigate you in ways you could never dream. Our divorce was a "no fault" or "irreconcilable differences", but her family hired an attack dog legal firm to litigate me as a form of extortion and leverage posturing during the mediation/settlement. I wasn't even being accused of anything, but they can depose you, subpoena your computer, telephone records, bank accounts, investments, work records, you name it. If you make more money than she does, you will more than likely be forced to pay all the legal fees, regardless of how outlandish they are.

 

Just trust me. Get the mediation over with and then plot your next moves. Pissing someone off prior to a mediation is horribly unwise.