datdude Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 (edited) Okay, I've been contemplating posting about my own situation, but I can't help it any longer. My gf of four years broke up with me about three and a half weeks ago. Her decision to call it quits was two-fold... totally unexpected, yet a road that I've dealt with before. Truth is, she has a history of threatening our relationship, walking away when times get rough. She's "broken" up with me before, yet found herself unable to stand by her decision and wanted me back the next second, whether it be over the phone or in person. This time, it occurred after an argument that was blown out of proportion, but even better... it was over a text. I asked to see her in person, she declined. A little back story, I have been dealing with a debilitating back injury for the past three years, which required major surgery. She's been there since day one, yet this injury has caused numerous problems b/t us due to my lack of motivation and her feeling as though she has to constantly pick me up and encourage me to get out more. I had open surgery on my back a year ago, yet am still struggling to get back on my own two feet. It's terrible. When I put myself in her shoes, I could only imagine to strain she feels, as though she's tried everything, yet making no ground. It seems as though she's just had enough and I feel like a total burden, even though she's declined that. I kinda can't help it. I've loved this girl since day one. I've been there for her through everything, regardless... in the limited capacity I could. Trust has never been an issue. We've talked about marriage, a family... I just can't believe it. We live separately at the moment, waiting on our chances on getting into graduate programs... I'm in total disbelief, heartbroken and pretty numb to everything. I'm at a point where I feel betrayed in some weird way... I feel as though she checked out of this relationship for a while now, and maybe has just been going through the motions for some time. She has not contacted me since. I've been NC, with the exception of a birthday card that was short and simple: Happy Birthday. Enjoy your day. She did, however, find it in herself to write a thank you letter and told me that she thinks about me everyday... I don't know how to feel. Is it that she just doesn't know what she wants? Am I wrong for thinking that her love isn't as great as she said it was... I don't think I can trust her with respect to walking away again... I know I won't jump if she does get back to me. I'm beyond lost... Edited December 21, 2012 by datdude
MyAngel Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 I've read many comments on this forum about people checking out and emotionally detaching way before the break up occurs. Apparently this is why it seems so easy for the dumper to move on. I don't know why she has a history of breaking up with you only to get back together. It must be exhausting to go through that and you have enough problems with your health, not adding an emotional rollercoaster on top of that. Unless she can make a firm decision about your relationship.... I don't know :/ sounds like she's very confused.
Chi townD Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Talk to your Doctor. It is very common for patients to become depressed after having a major surgery like that. They have limited mobility and have to depend on others for simple things, that could cause depression. Not advancing quickly as they thought they would in their rehab can cause depression. Feeling of that they will never be the same after surgery can cause depression. You not being active and not wanting to go out is definately a sign of depression. Therefore, you may have had massive depression and not even realize it. However, you may have projected you depressions, stress and frustrations onto her. Thus, all of the fighting. I would talk to your Doctor about this and see if it's the case. It's treatable and you NEED to do your physical therapy and I don't give a damn how much it hurts! That is the only way you are going to recover; by doing the work and pushing through the pain. You would HATE me as your Doctor. My ethos is your pain is my motivation. So, time to understand what you and your body are going through and time to get motivated and fix the issue so you can get back on your feet and live a more active and productive life.
Author datdude Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 I totally agree with this. I understand how I definitely could have projected a lot of what I have been going through, on a personal level. I am a multi-sport college athlete where I feel like I've had everything ripped away from me. I am guilty in terms of letting this weigh me down and come between my ex and I, yet it's difficult to fathom the notion of her understanding one day, hoping that I get better and offering anything in her power, and completely overwhelmed and breaking up with me the next. In terms of physical therapy, I've pretty much plateaued for the past month. I don't have any other option than to keep working on myself, both mentally and physically. But, I guess that's where my confusion comes in... Feel like she totally just dropped me outta nowhere... When she's been hoping that I get better. I'm thinking it's just not as fast as she wanted?
Chi townD Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Things happen in their own time and the same goes for recovery. Keep pushing through your rehab. Step it up a notch. Push the limits without doing anything stupid. Consult with your therapist first. And lastly, see your doctor about getting on some anti-depressants and talking to someone. No shame in that at all.
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