dazenconfused Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 I was dating my ex for about a year and a half before she broke up with me a little over two months ago. She was my first real girlfriend, but we had a connection that I guarantee most couples don't have. It was like we both knew exactly what the other was thinking without saying anything. We had so much fun together, things seemed to be perfect most of the time. I am only 19 and have no intentions of getting married anytime soon, but she was someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. The problem was that when we were dating, I was never sure if being in a relationship was really what I wanted. She knew this and I know it deeply hurt her. I feel terrible about the way I made her feel because honestly, in a year and a half of dating, there was almost nothing I had to complain about. It's so cliche, but it really was just me. We had several "break ups" before, but they lasted about five minutes before we both realized that we loved each other too much to end it. My point is that it's not like things were perfect in my eyes and she just dumped me. I'm in college and always pictured myself staying single, enjoying the best years of my life without anything tying me down. I didn't necessarily want to date other girls, but I thought that if we were to date throughout college and then break up in the future, I would hate myself for staying in a relationship, thus not really learning how to date, talk to girls, etc. I think the fact that we both go to the same school had some impact on the way I felt, because we hung out all the time and I didn't really meet many new people. Now that I'm single this has been one of the hardest parts because I have almost no friends outside of the people I live with. This is probably a huge reason it was so hard to get over her. Now this is where I'm getting really confused. After we broke up, we went no contact for about two weeks, before I asked her to meet up. I made a fool of myself and she straight up told me her life was better without me in it. I knew she didn't mean it, but she wanted me to let go of her. I did. I went on living my life, hung out with old friends I hadn't seen in a while, basically moved on. But then a month later, after no contact since the meet up, we ran into each other and said we should meet up to talk soon. We ended up meeting up the next day. We talked for a few hours and really hit it off, just like old times. Although she had acted really cold towards me since the break up, I could tell she was still into me. We ended up making out for a bit, cuddling, etc. Despite this, neither of us wanted to get back together. She kept saying "I can't give you an answer right now and I don't know when I will know". (I didn't ask her back or anything, I think she just thought I wanted to). But then she also said she still has feelings for me and is in no way over me. We both agreed getting back together at that moment was not a good idea, but said we'd like to see each other. That was three weeks ago. We haven't talked or seen each other since then. I initiated contact both times we met up, so I am 100% not going to inititate contact again. I figure if she's really into me, she will make a move. I think there's a chance she was just emotionally unstable at that moment and as someone that used to be her go-to for support, fell into old habits. Maybe she really doesn't want me back at all. What's weird is that for the longest time, I was having a really hard time moving on. I couldn't really see myself with other girls and the thought of her dating other guys made me really sad. But since that night we made out and agreed to hang out in the near future, I haven't felt much for her at all. I know I still love her, but I felt closure after that night. It doesn't make sense because you would think I would have this new found hope for getting back with her, but that's not really the case. I think that night officially got it through my head that what we had is gone and will never come back. Right now I don't know what I want. I know I'd like to see her and perhaps get back together, but I'm also perfectly content with being single and having some time to myself. I was just wondering if anyone has gone through something similar and could shed some insight. For the girls out there, any idea what's going on with her? I feel like she might know that she will never get back together with me, but wants to play me and keep me attached as an ego boost or something.
PogoStick Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 You're young and one of the things to learn is when and how to end a relationship. You have so much time to get tied to one woman. What will waiting 5-10 years hurt? I mean you'll only have 50 years together instead of 60. Date. Have several serious relationships. Learn what things are really important in your search for a mate. There are lots of great women out there and it's a blast getting to know them.
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