Benp Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 First of all, I love this site. It helps a lot of people to get through their tough times especially breakup and all that. I have read enough threads on here and somewhere else to understand where I stand right now, but it's still bugging me. I still want the answers and probably the only way to find out is to go there and see my ex again. To make it short, I was in a long distance relationship for almost a year. And this is not my first love or things like that. I know exactly what I felt and how she felt about me. She came over to visit me once for like a month. Everything was super nice, we planned out how to get her over here with me and such. Then suddenly one day she's kinda distant, bitchy and didn't talk much to me. Things are a little complicated right here. I and my ex have a mutual long distance close female friend who is in need of help. Let's call her Cinthia. We hung out all together when my ex was here. During the time that my ex was bitchy to me (she told me she's in her bubble, kinda like disconnected with everything for a few days,) I was helping Cinthia to relocate close to me to start everything again like getting a new place to live, and looking for a new job. And yes during this time we fought a lot. It's obvious that she was jealous of Cinthia. But I had no idea about it, in my mind Cinthia is just a friend to me and that's it. So one day, like a week after Cinthia moved to my location, I couldn't stand my ex's attitude and reaction so I broke up with my ex via a text and then removed my ex from all of my contacts like fb, skype, email ... and I told her to cancel the plane ticket (I bought her that ticket and it was just 10 more days till the plane takes off.) I do have anger management issue and man it bit me right in the ass. I so regretted what I did like two days later. I tried so many things to make it up for her and to apologize. Nothing has worked. She told me a few times via texts and emails that we're so different and this is the best for both and I should stop trying. So eight months have passed, I do want to get back with my ex but at the same time I'm good just the way I am right now. But I still think about her every now and then. And Cinthia has moved in my apartment to share it with me, we're still friends, nothing more nothing less. I still use Cinthia's fb account to check my ex status and such, call me a stalker but I couldn't help it lol About a month ago, I called her and left message saying I still have feeling for her and I want to make it up. Then a few days later, she talked to Cinthia and said she doesn't have any feeling for me anymore. So I sent her an email saying that although I still love her, it's time to move on, to respect her decision and to leave her alone. And I thought that would be it. A few days later, my ex talked to Cinthia and kinda explained about all the things that happened after the breakup till now like her mom was super sick, her financial situation has gotten worse, and a little here and there she talked about me and our good and bad times and our arguments. Also, she said I'm so conflict with myself because I still have feeling for her but I'm gonna leave her. On her fb page, there are enough signs saying that she still has feeling for me. She still have all the pictures between me and her on her fb. I THINK she's just pretending that she has nothing left so I can move on. My question is, should I come over there to see her and to face the truth? Or should I stay NC and keep quiet for a while till she tells me what she wants? (Probably via Cinthia. We haven't talked since the breakup.) And if she won't say anything then it's really over. Please keep in mind, she has low self-esteem problem and depression and some very very bad experiences with guys, and she's super stubborn. Thank you!
ellieryan85 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Don't go talk to her. You've put the message out there, it is time for you to stop face stalking her, stop trying to contact her--and stop letting Cynthia give you updates. All of that is making you stay in place. If she does have depression and still has feelings for you, she knows how to get in touch with you. But you don't need to spend your time persuing her. I have photos of my exes still on facebook. I wouldn't get back together with them, but they are memories of great times in the past. Stop torturing yourself. Ask Cynthia to change her password so you won't be tempted, and ask her to not mention your ex to you. (Maybe if your ex doesn't have her to communicate through, she will get the point accross to you directly. And she probably knows you're face stalking her) Good luck.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 (edited) Go NC. Groveling and begging (or some variant thereof) won't make her want you, ok? Go NC and try your best to move on. It's gonna be hard but hey, I 've been through that TWICE in the past 3 months (with the same guy) and both times I couldn't eat solid foods for a long time. Just stick with NC. If she contacts you after a while, then you can decide if you want to reply or not. I would recommend against it, based on my experience giving "second chances" to the dumper. Edited December 23, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
flitzanu Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 yeha she knows how you feel, and at this point you're simply repeating yourself over and over and she's going to get really annoyed. also showing up at her door is a HORRIBLE idea.
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