MakersMarksman Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Well, I certainly feel a bit stupid opening up like this. But here goes... I came here because I've been unemotional and cynical for too long now. I resonate a profound "sadness" and lack of empathy. And worst of all, I feel dead and pessimistic for the most part. A couple of years back I fell madly in love with a girl. She was quiet, intelligent, small, and gentle. Perhaps not the most attractive but it didn't matter; I loved her to her soul. She was my peaceful little farmgirl. She had everything I could have wanted. She was afraid of commitment and did not want our relationship to be sexual. I was fine with this, I find purity to be a lost attribute that I highly respect.* She was far from perfect though. She flirted endlessly with other men. One in particular was a good friend of mine. One night after argueing about this, she got drunk and went to his room and what followed was certainly beyond what I thought she was capable of. It destroyed me, and I wanted a break from dating. She responded by cornering me at a social gathering when drunk and started hitting me. Her being 5'1", she couldnt hurt me if she tried so i took it but had to calm others down so cops weren't called. I'm also a Army infantryman so this could easily ruin my career. It was a crushing realization that being a hardworking soldier garners less respect and affection than some pretty boy *friend of mine who gets laid after a little booze.* She garnered most of my friends pity since she seemed so harmless and they slowly stopped talking to me. They defended her as a good person who made a bad descision and supported and sympathized with her. Others were just idiot male friends ("You dont need her bro! Lets get you to a strip club!") So I was left alone. I went into isolation and exiled myself to assignments to escape.* I always put on a front of being a hard ass as most men do. And do to my foolish pride I didn't seek help or guidance. I refuse to **** random women (always found it distasteful and dehumanizing to live like an animal planet special) and lost most of my respect for people. I haven't talked to her in over a year. Last I heard from her was a very neutral letter I received while overseas. She simply discussed her college plan and said she hoped I was doing well (my sarcastic side wanted to respond "great, except the people trying to kill us is a real downer") but I never wrote back. It was too painful.* Its been a year and a half and the whole thing turned me into a bitter shell of a man and I wish I could less angry at the world. Any advice? Thanks for hearing me out
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