Droplet Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 After five month and after asking my ex to completely stop contacting me I'm finally starting to move on ( never begged, never called, but she would write me all the time and I can honestly say that the first four months have been pure hell for me ) or so I think. I'm not feeling sad as in "why ? WHY ? I love her so much :(" anymore, I'm just feeling "whatever...it just didn't work out". I'm still sad that our story is over but I just can't be arsed to hope that our flame will re-ignite someday. To be honest, I think I'm starting to fall out of love. Memories are getting blurry, and I can't remember how good I know I used to feel with her and that makes me kinda sad because I realize that most of my beliefs meant nothing. I'm sad that "we" are not anymore, sure, but I'm way more sad because of what this transient experience is teaching me about love, loyalty, emotions etc... I used to be a very loving and loyal person and I made sure I showed her how much I cared for her and respected her every day for the five years we've known each other. Now all that is vanishing and I can't even remember why I used to feel so strongly about her and while it makes me feel better about myself ( colors are coming back into my world, I'm starting to laugh whole heartedly again, I'm fitter than before our relationship etc... ), the thought of falling out of love with someone I thought I would grow old with ( never felt that way about anyone before ) is depressing. I feel guilty and empty while I should be happy again.
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