ReadMyThread Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Okay so I have been doing better since the past. Not fully healed but doing better. Should I continue asking girls out on dates? I have already asked two girls since my ex and they both said yes. The dates went good with both of the girls, had a good time, never think of my ex while im on these dates, but one of the girls I just wasn't interested in anymore and the other girl isn't ready for a relationship. Me and the second girl have gone on like 5 dates and have had sex like 4 times. I really like her but I know we wouldn't ever be together so I guess just we are nothing but sex lol. But heres where my question comes in. It kind of hurt me after I realized that it wouldn't work with both of these girls. I guess I just want someone. It bothers me that me ex left me for another guy and now they are doing everything that me and her use to do and here I am all miserable with nobody. I don't NEED a girl but it's always better to have one and I want one. They said you usually fully get over your ex when you find happyness in your life again. Well to be honest, I'd be happy if I had someone. When I began having sex with that second it REALLY helped me not think about my ex so much and it really helped my self-esteem and confidence. I was so happy the day after the first time we had sex. Life seems good again until I realized we wouldn't work out. People tell me just stop looking for love and worry about yourself and love will come to you when you least expect it. It hurts me when I go on a date and realize it won't work but if it were to go good and realized it would work with a girl I really liked, It would be better for me. I would love that. So should I continue asking girls out? Hurting myself when I realize it won't workout? Taking the risk of actually getting lucky and meeting someone I really like and hoping it would be more? Or should I just give up on dating and let some girl in the future come to me. Ugh. I hate this.
Bumaga vsyo sterpit Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) Of course you should continue asking girls out foo. What are you talking about? In the few weeks since your final breakup you've had 5+ dates with two casual girlfriends and you've gotten laid four times, and you're an average guy. That's more luck than most average guys, myself included (although I've been living under a rock and not really trying). If you wait for the right girl to come to you, not only will you be single for a mind-bogglingly long time (years), but when you think she's come and you get with her for some time only to be dumped again, you'll be crushed. It's simple probability. If you continue to put yourself out there it doesn't guarantee much but if you stop it completely you'll be guaranteed to have next to nothing. I'm 24 years old. I've been thinking a lot about my romantic history and it's made me realize, there's not much more to do than what we're all doing. Everything about love has to be accepted. I don't believe I'll ever meet "The One" and be married for the rest of my life, because well, that just sounds like another popular superstition like the others I've discarded over my lifetime, e.g. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and God. I'd like to think I've been adapting to this by becoming much more about myself. I'm comfortable alone, and I don't get pangs of loneliness or "Loserville" like I did when I was much younger. I still love women and love sex, but I've developed the retroactive checks and balances I need to avoid falling head over heels in love again (i.e., introspection in the minutes, hours and days after a deep encounter). Even so, I've reached the point where I'm not afraid of falling in love or of jealousy, rejection and getting dumped. I've been falling in love since I was six, so I've had 20+ crushes in 18 years. It's not a big deal anymore. Getting dumped is like getting beaten up - the fear surrounding it is much greater than the pain of the actual act itself. Based on experience if I get dumped I'll be an emotional rollercoaster, then go into zombie mode, then start to pick myself up, care less, and finally forget her completely, all in a space of two months maximum. It's really not so bad. To put this in perspective: last summer my last proper girlfriend cost me my life savings ($4,000 ), put me through all kinds of sadistic drama and disasters in her own life, and ended up getting depressed as hell, giving in to family pressure and marrying her fiancéwho she was cheating with me on. She was still in love with me. It was my choice to finally stop talking, not hers. A couple weeks after I was already getting strong feelings for other girls. We stopped talking almost exactly two months ago, and she's completely banished from my head. It helps to set up several deep sources of ambition and aesthetic and emotional pleasure in your life outside women. That way if you get dumped, you can just make a retreat, and you'd never feel like you'd lost everything again. Getting dumped shouldn't put you in a state of existential angst. That's what I'm working on now. It's really not that bad. Nothing is. When I think of the possibility of losing my mother or father or getting arrested, or the time when I thought I had oral cancer, blah blah I know all my breakups were slaps on the wrist for sure. I know, statistically speaking that no relationship I get into will last forever, and I'm ready to keep going for the chase and honeymoon. I don't wanna fall in love with one woman. I want to be fascinated by many. Edited December 20, 2012 by Bumaga vsyo sterpit
Author ReadMyThread Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Of course you should continue asking girls out foo. What are you talking about? In the few weeks since your final breakup you've had 5+ dates with two casual girlfriends and you've gotten laid four times, and you're an average guy. That's more luck than most average guys, myself included (although I've been living under a rock and not really trying). If you wait for the right girl to come to you, not only will you be single for a mind-bogglingly long time (years), but when you think she's come and you get with her for some time only to be dumped again, you'll be crushed. It's simple probability. If you continue to put yourself out there it doesn't guarantee much but if you stop it completely you'll be guaranteed to have next to nothing. I'm 24 years old. I've been thinking a lot about my romantic history and it's made me realize, there's not much more to do than what we're all doing. Everything about love has to be accepted. I don't believe I'll ever meet "The One" and be married for the rest of my life, because well, that just sounds like another popular superstition like the others I've discarded over my lifetime, e.g. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and God. I'd like to think I've been adapting to this by becoming much more about myself. I'm comfortable alone, and I don't get pangs of loneliness or "Loserville" like I did when I was much younger. I still love women and love sex, but I've developed the retroactive checks and balances I need to avoid falling head over heels in love again (i.e., introspection in the minutes, hours and days after a deep encounter). Even so, I've reached the point where I'm not afraid of falling in love or of jealousy, rejection and getting dumped. I've been falling in love since I was six, so I've had 20+ crushes in 18 years. It's not a big deal anymore. Getting dumped is like getting beaten up - the fear surrounding it is much greater than the pain of the actual act itself. Based on experience if I get dumped I'll be an emotional rollercoaster, then go into zombie mode, then start to pick myself up, care less, and finally forget her completely, all in a space of two months maximum. It's really not so bad. To put this in perspective: last summer my last proper girlfriend cost me my life savings ($4,000 ), put me through all kinds of sadistic drama and disasters in her own life, and ended up getting depressed as hell, giving in to family pressure and marrying her fiancéwho she was cheating with me on. She was still in love with me. It was my choice to finally stop talking, not hers. A couple weeks after I was already getting strong feelings for other girls. We stopped talking almost exactly two months ago, and she's completely banished from my head. It helps to set up several deep sources of ambition and aesthetic and emotional pleasure in your life outside women. That way if you get dumped, you can just make a retreat, and you'd never feel like you'd lost everything again. Getting dumped shouldn't put you in a state of existential angst. That's what I'm working on now. It's really not that bad. Nothing is. When I think of the possibility of losing my mother or father or getting arrested, or the time when I thought I had oral cancer, blah blah I know all my breakups were slaps on the wrist for sure. I know, statistically speaking that no relationship I get into will last forever, and I'm ready to keep going for the chase and honeymoon. I don't wanna fall in love with one woman. I want to be fascinated by many. .......your my idol. Lol. God I wish I could think like you! Lol. I guess it must be your expierence and age. Your more mature and have been through a lot. Sadly, I wish I have too lol.
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