Hope82 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I've been dating a guy for 5ish months now, and I've noticed for the last month or two that he corrects a lot of things that I say. Even the tiniest things, like I could say it's raining outside, and he would correct me and say, "No, it's actually only drizzling." It kind of makes me feel inferior or less intelligent, although I know that's not the case. At any rate, that's been annoying, but not necessarily a deal breaker. But the big thing that I've noticed the few times I've met his parents is that he's the same way to them... only he's very snotty/rude when he corrects them about almost everything. It's like everyone else is dumb or something. His parents are very nice people, and it seems like they are just used to his behavior and overlook it. After hearing enough of it, I brought it up to him and basically told him that I was appalled. I kind of just let it all out and told him exactly what I thought. After that, he apologized and said that he didn't realize that he was being like that, but that he can see it now that I've brought it up. He said that maybe it took somebody pointing it out for him to actually realize it, and that now that he's aware, he'll fix it. But do people really fix these types of things? Can it BE fixed? I hope it's not an indication of how his know-it-all attitude will progress with me... that he'll be snotty and downright mean to me once he's more comfortable in the relationship. This is his first real relationship at 30 years old, so I guess nobody has pointed it out to him before.... Should I be alarmed at the way he treats his parents?
newmoon Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) i wouldn't be concerned with how someone treats their parents because, as you mentioned, parents tend to overlook our bad behaviors and just put up with us. it's more important how he is treating you. perhaps you have stumbled upon the reason he's not had a serious relationship up until this point? my own bf is similar - he has an ego the size of the universe and no one is right but him. it can change for a while if you mention it, which u have, but imo, it doesn't change for good. by age 30 his personality is well set and done and he won't be able to get rid of that aspect of his behavior forever, just for a while. and, it can eventually become a form of emotional abuse, because it does belittle a partner and even if you know you're not dumb, it makes you feel that way. it's a control thing too because people like this generally get the last word (and like that), so, be wary and alert and make sure he treats you right Edited December 20, 2012 by newmoon
AMusing Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Oh, I disagree; how someone treats his parents gives a great deal of insight into how he'll treat a significant other. Your boyfriend handled your critique perfectly, though; I'd wait to see if his behavior actually improves or not. 4
MoonSiren Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 It sounds like he is really arrogant and that's a dealbreaker for me.
AMusing Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Not always. His parents could have been abusive monsters to him. In that case, he is justified in how he treats them because of the resentment factor. Ha, I literally cut out that qualifier from my response ("except in cases of abuse/neglect") at the last minute. My responses tend to be a little too lengthy, so I was working on cutting things back a bit. I decided that scenario probably wasn't applicable in this case since the OP says she already met the parents, they seemed nice, and she didn't mention knowing of any bad blood between her boyfriend and his parents (it seems like that would've come up, after she brought up how he treated them). Plus, in this case, she's seeing that how he treats her is exactly how he treats his family; that's a good indication that his behavior will be hard to change (albeit not impossible). But yes, if the parents were awful to a guy, his relationship with them won't necessarily demonstrate how he'll treat you.
Later82012 Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 IMO it is very tough to fix these kind of things. Once he gets used to you he will treat you the same way he is treating his parents if not worse. I don't think you are the first person to tell him. He might have fought with a few of his friends over this over the years.
FitChick Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 I believe people can change if they are motivated. Now that you have told him and he has acknowledged it, see if he changes his behavior. It sounds like he didn't get defensive, as most people would have, so that is a good sign. As for his family, no one knows what is really going on in anyone's family any more than they know what is going on in someone's marriage. 1
EasyHeart Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 It could be that he's a narcissistic control freak. Or it could just mean that you're wrong a lot.
KungFuJoe Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 I've been dating a guy for 5ish months now, and I've noticed for the last month or two that he corrects a lot of things that I say. Even the tiniest things, like I could say it's raining outside, and he would correct me and say, "No, it's actually only drizzling." It kind of makes me feel inferior or less intelligent, although I know that's not the case. At any rate, that's been annoying, but not necessarily a deal breaker. But the big thing that I've noticed the few times I've met his parents is that he's the same way to them... only he's very snotty/rude when he corrects them about almost everything. It's like everyone else is dumb or something. His parents are very nice people, and it seems like they are just used to his behavior and overlook it. After hearing enough of it, I brought it up to him and basically told him that I was appalled. I kind of just let it all out and told him exactly what I thought. After that, he apologized and said that he didn't realize that he was being like that, but that he can see it now that I've brought it up. He said that maybe it took somebody pointing it out for him to actually realize it, and that now that he's aware, he'll fix it. But do people really fix these types of things? Can it BE fixed? I hope it's not an indication of how his know-it-all attitude will progress with me... that he'll be snotty and downright mean to me once he's more comfortable in the relationship. This is his first real relationship at 30 years old, so I guess nobody has pointed it out to him before.... Should I be alarmed at the way he treats his parents? Deal breaker. HUGE alarm. Especially the way he treats his parents with disrespect. How a person treats their parents is a HUGE indicator of how they will treat you.
KungFuJoe Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER ....try to change someone. ever. 1
Vercetti Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Picking non-stop like that is such a waste of energy. Immature or like someone else stated narcissistic. Do you feel like you're walking on eggshells and are you sometimes reluctant to speak / overtly careful in word selection and still get corrected regardless? Do you think this person would become violent with you if called them out or did the same thing back to them ( when mental control fails physical intimidation is often the back-up plan )? Beyond how he treats his parents how does he treat random people in public? Is he rude to waiters and sales people? Is nothing ever good enough?.Has he ever expressed any weakness or fears to you or does he paint a flawless picture of himself? People are who they are and really don't change. Sure someone can get a job or get off drugs and lots of other things, just if personality is glitched that might just be how it is.
Quest4_TheLost Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Everyone can change. Thing being I don't see learning to keep your mouth shut being a HUGE character change. Meaning it may be easier for him to do now that he realizes it. I would expect he will slip and you may have to remind him more then once that he is being a d|ck. NO ONE is perfect! Hopefully you can get him to chill out. Good for you for calling him out on his crap rather then putting up with it! Some people need a good kick in the pants to realize what they are doing and see it as a bad thing.. 1
KungFuJoe Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Picking non-stop like that is such a waste of energy. Immature or like someone else stated narcissistic. Do you feel like you're walking on eggshells and are you sometimes reluctant to speak / overtly careful in word selection and still get corrected regardless? Do you think this person would become violent with you if called them out or did the same thing back to them ( when mental control fails physical intimidation is often the back-up plan )? Beyond how he treats his parents how does he treat random people in public? Is he rude to waiters and sales people? Is nothing ever good enough?.Has he ever expressed any weakness or fears to you or does he paint a flawless picture of himself? People are who they are and really don't change. Sure someone can get a job or get off drugs and lots of other things, just if personality is glitched that might just be how it is. Agreed. This guy treats his PARENTS this way. That means he's been doing it for years...maybe even the better part of his teenage years and on. He isn't going to change. You can write that one in the books with a permanent marker. No one is perfect...but not being perfect doesn't mean you have to be a pretentious dick.
todreaminblue Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 I've been dating a guy for 5ish months now, and I've noticed for the last month or two that he corrects a lot of things that I say. Even the tiniest things, like I could say it's raining outside, and he would correct me and say, "No, it's actually only drizzling." It kind of makes me feel inferior or less intelligent, although I know that's not the case. At any rate, that's been annoying, but not necessarily a deal breaker. But the big thing that I've noticed the few times I've met his parents is that he's the same way to them... only he's very snotty/rude when he corrects them about almost everything. It's like everyone else is dumb or something. His parents are very nice people, and it seems like they are just used to his behavior and overlook it. After hearing enough of it, I brought it up to him and basically told him that I was appalled. I kind of just let it all out and told him exactly what I thought. After that, he apologized and said that he didn't realize that he was being like that, but that he can see it now that I've brought it up. He said that maybe it took somebody pointing it out for him to actually realize it, and that now that he's aware, he'll fix it. But do people really fix these types of things? Can it BE fixed? I hope it's not an indication of how his know-it-all attitude will progress with me... that he'll be snotty and downright mean to me once he's more comfortable in the relationship. This is his first real relationship at 30 years old, so I guess nobody has pointed it out to him before.... Should I be alarmed at the way he treats his parents? Give him that chance when he corrects you if he does again...say "hey didnt we talk about this, you know it upsets me.......stop it or ill poke your eye out" ....kidding.....about the eye part.....everyone has flaws......dont let it be a flaw that you put up with if you dont like it...be honest and work on it together.....best wishes....deb
Sugarkane Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 This guy sounds like my bosses son. Personally I can't stand him at all. Especially when he is extremely rude and thinks he knows EVERYTHING. Unfortunately I have to work with him.
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