Mantra10 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) Hi all. I'm new to this site, but this whole forum has a very comforting vibe. I just needed some advice on how to approach my situation. So I'm in grad school right now and can stay busy at times. So I tried online dating for a change to see if I could find someone looking for the same things as me. I met a girl who was local, so I messaged her, and to keep things short she messaged me back the same day. Initially we must have sent 8 or 9 emails a day to one another. It seemed like we were clicking in all aspects, we were both looking for something stable and qualities entailing being supportive, honest and trustful. I consider myself a pretty mannerful and nice guy, I don't try to force anything on anyone and try to be respectful of other people's beliefs, something which she found very attractive, or so she initially told me. So then we moved to the texting phase and we must have sent between 20-40 texts a day, just trying to feel each other out. This was probably about 2 weeks in from my first contact. So I finally asked her on a lunch date and we went to go eat by a place around her work. We talked and gelled pretty nicely, she was way more than I expected she would be in person. She was mature, mannerful, understanding, engaging, and FUNNY. I was kind of hooked to this girl. She had to get back to work so I got the check and dropped her back off at work. She texted me a couple of minutes later about how much she enjoyed lunch and couldn't wait for the next date. We continued out texts and then went out again about two days later for dinner. We really started talking it out and learning about each other here. We must have spent 4 hours talking and basically shut the restaurant down. We left, said our good byes, and I got another text from her saying how much she enjoyed the dinner date and couldn't wait for the next date. So we continued to text throughout the days. For the next couple of weeks my schedule got kind of busy, I was flying out for interviews for residencies and preparing for my national boards. I told her I felt bad we weren't able to hangout for those couple of weeks. She's in sales, so she was also bum rushed with the holiday schedule as well. She said it was fine and understood the situation. We continued to text each other, flirting, this and that, how was your day kind of stuff. This is about 6 weeks in. I was out of state for my last interview and was at the airport and she texted me as usual and then stated she was pissed. So I asked her what had happened. She had made plans to visit her cousin out of town and had taken the weekend off of work to do so. Her out of town cousin had made other plans, but my girl at the time was looking to only spend one on one time with her cousin and family. Her cousin told her to come down anyway and join her. She asked me what to do. Like I mentioned before, I'm not the kind of guy that presses to give advice to other people unless its my patients and/or a life and death situation. So I gave her the best advice I could. I told her since you took 3 days off of work anyhow, why don't you just go and visit her, if you don't like the plans she made, go explore the city for the rest of the weekend. I've personally been to this place and there's a lot to do. Then I mentioned in the end it was her call and that if she didn't feel like going, she shouldn't go. I told her no matter what she does, she should relax and enjoy the time off. She responded back stating she was not going to waste her time visiting her cousin if she had changed her plans. It then occurred to me that this girl had already made up her mind on not to go and was fishing for an agreement to her decision. She then texted me saying she was mad and didn't feel like talking to me, and that she was looking for some advice and support on her decision (which I thought I already gave??). She went on to say she was a people person and didn't want to explore the city alone. This was the first time I was in a situation with her like this. So I stated I understood and let her have some space. I didn't hear back until a full day later, which was an abnormal feeling because she would always send the first text of the morning. I texted her how her day was going in the afternoon and no response until that night. She stated she was good and had gone out for a while (it was her day off). I told her I hope she had a restful day since she was working some major hours because of the holidays. I got a thanks. I got a vibe that she was mad at me or didn't feel like talking to me, so I told her I can see she was tired so I'll let her rest. 20 minutes later, she texted me back saying we were two completely different people and she couldn't "adjust to me." When she said those last words to me, I knew in a heartbeat this was done. We texted and I asked her to give it more time, our schedules were just too busy at the time to see each other as much as we wanted. She apologized and basically broke it off. I wished her well and that was that. Since then I have not contacted her, have taken my profile off the site, and gone bascially MIA. I really do miss this girl and I know we had a minor disagreement on a situation, but I don't want to lose out on her for something so minor. I haven't heard from her in two weeks and I have not contacted her. I can truthfully say a girl like her doesn't come around too often and am stuck as to how to approach this. I've had girlfriends before, but I've never felt like this with anyone so early in to the relationship. What should I do? Edited December 20, 2012 by Mantra10
flitzanu Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Hi all. I'm new to this site, but this whole forum has a very comforting vibe. I just needed some advice on how to approach my situation. So I'm in grad school right now and can stay busy at times. So I tried online dating for a change to see if I could find someone looking for the same things as me. I met a girl who was local, so I messaged her, and to keep things short she messaged me back the same day. Initially we must have sent 8 or 9 emails a day to one another. It seemed like we were clicking in all aspects, we were both looking for something stable and qualities entailing being supportive, honest and trustful. I consider myself a pretty mannerful and nice guy, I don't try to force anything on anyone and try to be respectful of other people's beliefs, something which she found very attractive, or so she initially told me. So then we moved to the texting phase and we must have sent between 20-40 texts a day, just trying to feel each other out. This was probably about 2 weeks in from my first contact. So I finally asked her on a lunch date and we went to go eat by a place around her work. We talked and gelled pretty nicely, she was way more than I expected she would be in person. She was mature, mannerful, understanding, engaging, and FUNNY. I was kind of hooked to this girl. She had to get back to work so I got the check and dropped her back off at work. She texted me a couple of minutes later about how much she enjoyed lunch and couldn't wait for the next date. We continued out texts and then went out again about two days later for dinner. We really started talking it out and learning about each other here. We must have spent 4 hours talking and basically shut the restaurant down. We left, said our good byes, and I got another text from her saying how much she enjoyed the dinner date and couldn't wait for the next date. So we continued to text throughout the days. For the next couple of weeks my schedule got kind of busy, I was flying out for interviews for residencies and preparing for my national boards. I told her I felt bad we weren't able to hangout for those couple of weeks. She's in sales, so she was also bum rushed with the holiday schedule as well. She said it was fine and understood the situation. We continued to text each other, flirting, this and that, how was your day kind of stuff. This is about 6 weeks in. I was out of state for my last interview and was at the airport and she texted me as usual and then stated she was pissed. So I asked her what had happened. She had made plans to visit her cousin out of town and had taken the weekend off of work to do so. Her out of town cousin had made other plans, but my girl at the time was looking to only spend one on one time with her cousin and family. Her cousin told her to come down anyway and join her. She asked me what to do. Like I mentioned before, I'm not the kind of guy that presses to give advice to other people unless its my patients and/or a life and death situation. So I gave her the best advice I could. I told her since you took 3 days off of work anyhow, why don't you just go and visit her, if you don't like the plans she made, go explore the city for the rest of the weekend. I've personally been to this place and there's a lot to do. Then I mentioned in the end it was her call and that if she didn't feel like going, she shouldn't go. I told her no matter what she does, she should relax and enjoy the time off. She responded back stating she was not going to waste her time visiting her cousin if she had changed her plans. It then occurred to me that this girl had already made up her mind on not to go and was fishing for an agreement to her decision. She then texted me saying she was mad and didn't feel like talking to me, and that she was looking for some advice and support on her decision (which I thought I already gave??). She went on to say she was a people person and didn't want to explore the city alone. This was the first time I was in a situation with her like this. So I stated I understood and let her have some space. I didn't hear back until a full day later, which was an abnormal feeling because she would always send the first text of the morning. I texted her how her day was going in the afternoon and no response until that night. She stated she was good and had gone out for a while (it was her day off). I told her I hope she had a restful day since she was working some major hours because of the holidays. I got a thanks. I got a vibe that she was mad at me or didn't feel like talking to me, so I told her I can see she was tired so I'll let her rest. 20 minutes later, she texted me back saying we were two completely different people and she couldn't "adjust to me." When she said those last words to me, I knew in a heartbeat this was done. We texted and I asked her to give it more time, our schedules were just too busy at the time to see each other as much as we wanted. She apologized and basically broke it off. I wished her well and that was that. Since then I have not contacted her, have taken my profile off the site, and gone bascially MIA. I really do miss this girl and I know we had a minor disagreement on a situation, but I don't want to lose out on her for something so minor. I haven't heard from her in two weeks and I have not contacted her. I can truthfully say a girl like her doesn't come around too often and am stuck as to how to approach this. I've had girlfriends before, but I've never felt like this with anyone so early in to the relationship. What should I do? you drop it. delete her contact info. she cut you out, and she's not going to take kindly for you to keep pressuring her or contacting her. doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, sounds like she's just a fickle broad or an overexaggerator. disappear for a while, if she's interested she will contact you. don't chase a girl that already told you to go away.
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