What now?

[Chuck636333]

So this will be another long post but here it goes... I was with my ex for 5 years and she left me 2 weeks ago. The relationship had its problems but after all the issues and disputes and multiple breaks and breakups things always seemed to go back to normal in the end. In the past when she would leave I would always chase and beg her not to leave and always try to be a better bf to keep her around and eventually it would work to get her back but never lasted and she was on and off like she was happy to be together one day and talk about buying a house together to the next day saying she wasn't happy with us, confusing!?!. But this past breakup two weeks ago we were fighting a little leading up to it and she left because " she's too young and wants to go out and do more things with friends and just not be together". So after trying to talk for a few days and do the same old thing I usually do and beg, I've decided to go no contact in hopes that she'll be calling me...it's been close to 2 weeks and I haven't heard a peep. The longest we've went without talking in 5 years is about 3 days. Idk if she's going to regret leaving and call me or if she's with someone else or what, but my feelings are mixed. The rudeness and mean things she would say to me while we were together I don't deserve especially since I buy her anything she wants and do everything she says like a lap dog...so in a way I want to forget about it and in a way I wish she would call me regretting the breakup for once but she isn't calling and its making me sad and driving me crazy, I still love her but idk if she loves me she's a very stubborn person and may not call just to not show weakness idk, I wasn't the perfect guy but I thought I was a decent bf, there's more to the story but should I call her? Should I move on and forget about it if I can? Or do I just wait it out and see what happens? Open to any questions for more details

[NavyAirTraffic]

I would always chase and beg.....but never lasted

 

It will never work if you have to convince someone.

 

if she's going to regret leaving and call me or if she's with someone else or what

 

You can't control her, her thoughts, or her actions. Worrying about something you can't control is SELF INFLICTED TORTURE!! I know it's not easy, but keep telling yourself that.

 

The rudeness and mean things she would say to me while we were together I don't deserve

 

Healthy men don't tolerate this type of behavior! You're right, you don't deserve it, but you bent over and took it.

 

I buy her anything she wants and do everything she says like a lap dog

 

Women don't date/sleep with/marry lap dogs. Can't change the past, know this for the future. Read Alphamale's guide in my signature.

 

in a way I wish she would call me regretting the breakup

 

Again, you don't control this.

 

I still love her but idk if she loves me

 

If she loved you, she would let you know (trust me). Also, people don't treat people they love the way she has treated you (mean and "on and off")

 

Courtesy of mikeD

Watch it over and over, I have nothing more to add to it

[Chuck636333]

I was just trying to do things to make her happy and at the time it did but I didn't just roll over and agree with everything she said all the time so maybe lap dog was the wrong word,but I don't understand her one day talking marriage and the next day she's not happy over nothing, is she bi polar or something starting fights and throwing fits for nothing, just want her to call and beg for me for once so I can get the ball back in my court

[Mike_d]

stop being a "nice guy", it doesn't serve you at all. you can't buy her happiness, she is responsible for her own feelings. find No More Mr Nice Guy and start reading. You need to stop being so beta and learn to bring some alpha to your really weak game. she played you good

 

unless of course you like this right now, in which case you're doing great

[NavyAirTraffic]

I was just trying to do things to make her happy and at the time it did but I didn't just roll over and agree with everything she said all the time so maybe lap dog was the wrong word,but I don't understand her one day talking marriage and the next day she's not happy over nothing, is she bi polar or something starting fights and throwing fits for nothing, just want her to call and beg for me for once so I can get the ball back in my court

 

You can't make her happy, you can't make ANYONE happy!! Happiness comes from within. I read a great quote on LS the other day "my life is the cake, my gf is only the icing". She either loves you for YOU or you show her the f'n door!! Do you really want to act, pretend, push all of your needs and wants aside, and to try to make her happy for the rest of your life?

 

Did you read anything I wrote above? Did you watch the vid (courtesy of Mike_d)? You can only do things for her to not come back! You can't worry about things out of your control!

 

If you beg her back AGAIN, it will be on her terms... "oh baby, I will change, I will make you happy". She leaves you, your response should have been "good, thank you, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me", then you cut off contact, 100%, because she doesn't deserve your attention anymore!!

[Chuck636333]

I just read them and was very informative and actually are trying to take some of those steps listed but I'm not putting in the full effort because I still check email constantly and check to see if shes on Facebook. I basically tell myself I'm done with this and she took advantage of all the love I gave her for her own benefit a lot of times and it upsets me and makes me want to walk away and forget about her but then I have a mini panic soon after when the thought pops into my head of never spending time with her again and never having what we once had before it went to ****. Idk what to think anymore I feel different from one min to the next, I'm 24 years old and she's been around since I was 19 I had a son when I was young and he loves her to death because his mom isn't around much and so it hurts us both especially when she fills his head like saying she wants to be his stepmom and always gonna be there for him and she loves him and that's the most aggravating part. My son asks when were getting bàck together and wants to call her so I have to lie to him to keep from hurting his feelings along with mine. I know I need to move on but I would just be satisfied with some kind of remorse or regret from her, legitimate regret, whether it be now or down the road, I guess because I have a heart I don't see how it's possible to spend almost 25% of your life with someone and throw them away like trash and not even phase her, that's what hurts more than anything

[Chuck636333]

And I appreciate all your feedback I don't really have anyone to talk to so it feels good to vent and once I finally bust out of this whenever that happens ill try to pay it forward and help someone that feels how I do now

[Misslovely]

I completly understand how your feeling. My bf and i broke up a couple of days ago because he was lying and cheating around, emailing his baby mama telling her he still loved her and wished both her and his daughter we're with him and worst of all, made me go through an abortion alone.. I only found out after checking his phone! we've broken up so many times but gotten back. But this time i want it to be it! His always taken me for granted but i refused to believe it because i loved him so much.

 

I know i love him but i don't want to do it anymore. They don't deserve us! DONT FORGET YOU ARE SPECIAL TOO! and as hard as it is to say goodbye, keep telling yourself the right person is somewhere out there..i keep checking his fb to see if there is some regret or anything, BUT NOTHING..ABSOLUTLY NOTHING...if she dsnt regret it now, she will later. Beacause you sound like a good guy, people like them dnt deserve us.

 

In the process of loving someone, don't lose yourself! remind yourself you are special, and deserve to more! God has made someone just for you, maybe shes not the one. If she really loved you she would make an effort to get in contact with you..So now, you have the power, lose all contact with her, delete, block her and keep smiling!

[Mike_d]

I just read them and was very informative and actually are trying to take some of those steps listed but I'm not putting in the full effort because I still check email constantly and check to see if shes on Facebook. I basically tell myself I'm done with this and she took advantage of all the love I gave her for her own benefit a lot of times and it upsets me and makes me want to walk away and forget about her but then I have a mini panic soon after when the thought pops into my head of never spending time with her again and never having what we once had before it went to ****. Idk what to think anymore I feel different from one min to the next, I'm 24 years old and she's been around since I was 19 I had a son when I was young and he loves her to death because his mom isn't around much and so it hurts us both especially when she fills his head like saying she wants to be his stepmom and always gonna be there for him and she loves him and that's the most aggravating part. My son asks when were getting bàck together and wants to call her so I have to lie to him to keep from hurting his feelings along with mine. I know I need to move on but I would just be satisfied with some kind of remorse or regret from her, legitimate regret, whether it be now or down the road, I guess because I have a heart I don't see how it's possible to spend almost 25% of your life with someone and throw them away like trash and not even phase her, that's what hurts more than anything

 

 

you're breadcrumbing yourself, leaving yourself a reason to sit pining, put you life on hold till she meets some sort of criteria. she's done, nothing to see, move along. time for you to accept and let go and start looking forward and ignore the rearview mirror.

 

you're young, you've got so many more loves getting ready to cross your paths that you won't believe it when you are 50 and are looking back. figure out what you could have done better, what your part was, work on self improvement constantly so that you can be the best you you can be regardless if you have someone you are dating or not. then bring your new game and your new you to the next viable prospect you have, and don't make the same mistakes again.

[Kevinsturm]

similar situation bro, except me it was a ldr, and she didnt treat me "bad" as per say...