How the hell do you attract women?!

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes, it's very subjective, it all depends on the person/people involved. I find shy men cute, so confidence isn't on my must have list, social standing is not on my 'list' either. Looks come way down on my list, unless we're talking about facial expressions, the look in his eyes...

 

 

Some may deem this a very PC answer, but it's subjective.

 

Looks matter (duh!) But they're not everything. Personality, confidence, social standing (job, etc.) all are a factor.

 

I think it depends on the person involved.

[HeavenOrHell]

'they', who's 'they'? You mean every woman on the planet?

 

 

My understanding is that they want you to be the strong silent type outside and in the bedroom they want you to be romeo.

[HeavenOrHell]

Haha, he may have meant me, not that I'm a Buddhist but he probably got confused as I said the word 'vegetarian', if he meant me well I'm proud to be compassionate and I love my partner for being so compassionate too

 

 

 

I think you have a problem with text comprehension. I never said that

[somedude81]

Thanks for the responses guys.

 

I want this to be a thread that anybody who is struggling with dating can turn to for help. There are too many guys who don't have a clue and are getting bitter because of it.

 

So far I only addressed the first page of posts.

You're thinking of 'women' as one identical set. There is no 'correct' way to attract a woman. The night I met the man who became my husband he called me 2 minutes after we said goodbye to check i got home ok and again 10 minutes after that. I liked that about him. But other girls would find that too much.

 

You have to be yourself. Do what feels right to you. That way you'll end up meeting a girl who is a good match for you. If all you do is copy other peoples ideas you wont know if she actually likes the way you are. You need to be free to be yourself so you can both decide if the relationship is working for you.

 

If you're just trying to hook up though I can't give you any advice. Well: be really, really good looking - that should do it.

This is exactly the kind of advice that just doesn't help.

 

"Be yourself" does not work for guys who are over 25 and still trying to get their first GF.

Basically "just be yourself" . If I may add to this extensively.....

 

Somedude, I wish you would take up a martial art like I am planning to do. I have been doing a little reading about Bruce Lee's martial art of Jeet Kune Do - one of the main philosophies that he talks about in it is "absorbing what you need and discarding what you don't", simplifying their approach to the art of fighting that is tailored to them. Having said that, some people take that wrong, what it really means is to immerse yourself in other arts and then after you have a full understanding of them, take the things you need to complement your art and discard the things you don't.

I have been thinking into getting into martial arts. My only concern is the cost as it can be quite expensive. I need to find a style that works for my small frame and could also be helpful in the worst case scenarios.

 

I certainly apply that approach to the way I date. I know my strengths and weaknesses:

 

I also have a habit of being real talkative in a rather super technical/intellectual way with women, or at least my brother says. He heard me talking to someone on Skype (from here funnily enough ), and he was like "Fam, you get so technical with girls it's funny!". However, that I consider to be a strength, because I'm naturally like that, and I know how to be funny with it too. How do I talk to people, and specifically girls? How can I synthesize the way I talk with a slightly more augmented way of talking? What kind of humor do I normally feel comfortable using? What kind of words do I use and how do I choose them? These are the questions that you should be asking yourself.

Strengths in regards to women?

 

My guess. I don't have any strengths. Everything I do is wrong and must be changed.

 

I am naturally a pretty decent looking guy IMO- I could improve upon that though through fitness, better grooming, better fashion. Probably even better posture than I already have for my tall frame. You have to look at it like that, what will I have to do in order to do these things? What style would I like, what would suit me? What kind of body could I realistically achieve? What more could I do to make my face look more attractive? These are the questions you should be asking yourself.

I need to lose my gut and I'd like to gain muscle. Though I don't really think accomplishing those things would would have anything more than a very minor impact.

 

Clothes might have a bigger impact.

 

 

Every day I try to be a little bolder with women. I tell them things I wouldn't have said when I was an awkward guy. Things I would have told them if I had more balls then. I tell jokes I usually feel comfortable telling to friends, I tell girls in no uncertain terms how sexy I might think they are or am simply comfortable and not afraid to talk about sexual things. I'm more physical with girls than I ever was, not afraid to touch them, play with them and other stuff . How do I reconcile my fear over "repercussions" when attracting women? How do I be more of myself around women, but unashamedly so? How do I stop worrying so much about some women not being attracted to me, and thus being able to find women who do? These are the questions you need to be asking yourself.

My answer to all the questions.

 

"I don't know."

 

Seriously, I am starting from zero.

 

I'm officially back to a point where I have no girls to talk to and need to meet new girls to practice on. Even then I don't even know what to practice.

 

There are more things I could say, but I'd rather you ask more questions so I can specifically see if I can help in certain areas.

My main goal for this thread is to learn how to be able to attract women I meet in a semi-regular setting. Or maybe how to attract a girl I meet at a salsa dance or whatever.

 

What to do, how to act, what to talk about and so on.

 

The only thing I know is that what I'm doing is not working.

Be Don Draper.

 

I'm only sort of kidding.

 

I am by no means an expert in attracting women, and I've been out of practice for almost 5 years now.

 

But I can tell you this: conversational flirting is a must. Being able to be witty is a must. And you have to be able to take your ego and fear of rejection completely out of the equation. Being "safe" never got me ****.

 

Other than that, this is such an open ended question that it's sort of impossible to nail down any sort of exact formula.

What is conversational flirting?

 

Can you explain more?

It shouldn't take years of studying to date women!

You're right it shouldn't. But for some guys it's required. They just don't pick up things naturally like most guys. Then you end up with a bunch of clueless, bitter and angry men.

Me and my partner are both shy, awkward around people, what we love most about each other is we're both compassionate, both veggie, caring, warm hearted, and share many of the same outlooks/views on life.

 

If people as socially awkward (and unconventional) as me and him can find someone we're compatible with, and we both had very LTR's before we were first in touch online, I think anyone can

Sounds like your partner got lucky because shy and awkward guys are not attractive to the vast majority of women.

 

I think people should concentrate on friends with similar interests, IRL and online, I've made some great friends online, several who I've met, and my partner, the more friends you make and the more people you meet the more likely you are to meet someone you really click with.

So in other words, make a lot of friends and you might meet somebody you click with?

 

Though without knowing how to attract them, the guy will never be more than friends with the girl. That's why I made this thread. I'm tired of meeting cool girls who just want to be friends.

You mean you want the answer in one post?? A few things:

 

(1) The ability to withstand social tension.

 

A Nice Guy makes nice conversation. A guy who is great with women expresses his romantic interest boldly.

What is social tension?

 

When and how do you boldly express romantic interest?

 

(2) Leaning into and expanding your comfort zone. Are you taking on hobbies that expand you? Are you doing cold approaches even though you have "approach anxiety?

Are cold approaches really that important?

 

(3) A passion for something. Ever wonder why rock stars get laid?

Money and fame.

 

They also do something that is considered cool and sexy. A guy can have a passion for making garden gnomes and it will not get him laid.

[movingon12]

Get clothes that suit your personal style and if you dont know what your style is, a bunch of Internet strangers can't help you.

 

Ditto haircut.

 

Exercise if you think you should lose some weight/gain muscle.

 

Approach girl. Smile. Say 'hi'. Gage reaction. If positive say something else. Rinse. Repeat.

 

(Don't say 'but what do I say??' you can't rely on the Internet to hand hold you through an entire relationship!)

 

If you can speak to men, you can speak to women.

 

If you can speak to women, you can attract women

 

If you can't speak to men either you need more help than we can give you.

 

It's not rocket science.

[Mrlonelyone]

 

This is exactly the kind of advice that just doesn't help.

 

"Be yourself" does not work for guys who are over 25 and still trying to get their first GF.

 

Lemme ask you this are you looking for love (with sex of course) or are you just looking for that first GF and first sex?

 

If you are just looking to get sex, then your problem is inhibition. Just forget wanting romance, get on AFF and put your pictures out there. There are people who will have sex with a wider variety of people than they would ever ever date.

 

If you are looking for real passionate, emotionally intimate, committed love...the only way to get that is to be who you are. Someone will either love you for that or they won't. Most people won't. Even in this venue the problem may lie in your own inhibitions. If you don't risk rejection you will never get the rewards of romance.

 

Personally every bit of success I've had in sex or romance was because I was bold enough to make moves that most people would think were insane.

[todreaminblue]

1. Go to restaurant and observe girl of your fancy. Note what she is eating.

2. Buy bear trap.

3. Place favorite dish on bear trap, but do your best to conceal the trap under leaves.

4. Wait for her to go over to dish and pick it up.

5. As she picks it up, her hand is caught in bear trap.

6. Chloroform

7. Profit

 

Genius, no?

 

 

1.girl notices you spying on her in restaurant

 

2. girl notices you are alone

3.girl comes over to your table.

4.girl seems so nice so charming so beguiling you just dont want to bear trap her anymore

5.girl takes you home to her place for proper food her father is cooking.

6.you meet the father he seems vaguely familiar but you cant put your finger on it.

7.you have an aperitif

8.you feel sleepy

9.you wake up on dinner table

10.hannibal lector had a daughter........

11.you are now definitely part of both of them

12your liver....with fava beans and a cold lager......smilin atcha....no face mask attached

 

 

genius yes?

[todreaminblue]

Thanks for the responses guys.

 

I want this to be a thread that anybody who is struggling with dating can turn to for help. There are too many guys who don't have a clue and are getting bitter because of it.

 

So far I only addressed the first page of posts.

 

This is exactly the kind of advice that just doesn't help.

 

"Be yourself" does not work for guys who are over 25 and still trying to get their first GF.

 

I have been thinking into getting into martial arts. My only concern is the cost as it can be quite expensive. I need to find a style that works for my small frame and could also be helpful in the worst case scenarios.

 

Strengths in regards to women?

 

My guess. I don't have any strengths. Everything I do is wrong and must be changed.

 

I need to lose my gut and I'd like to gain muscle. Though I don't really think accomplishing those things would would have anything more than a very minor impact.

 

Clothes might have a bigger impact.

 

 

My answer to all the questions.

 

"I don't know."

 

Seriously, I am starting from zero.

 

I'm officially back to a point where I have no girls to talk to and need to meet new girls to practice on. Even then I don't even know what to practice.

 

My main goal for this thread is to learn how to be able to attract women I meet in a semi-regular setting. Or maybe how to attract a girl I meet at a salsa dance or whatever.

 

What to do, how to act, what to talk about and so on.

 

The only thing I know is that what I'm doing is not working.

 

What is conversational flirting?

 

Can you explain more?

 

You're right it shouldn't. But for some guys it's required. They just don't pick up things naturally like most guys. Then you end up with a bunch of clueless, bitter and angry men.

Sounds like your partner got lucky because shy and awkward guys are not attractive to the vast majority of women.

 

So in other words, make a lot of friends and you might meet somebody you click with?

 

Though without knowing how to attract them, the guy will never be more than friends with the girl. That's why I made this thread. I'm tired of meeting cool girls who just want to be friends.

 

What is social tension?

 

When and how do you boldly express romantic interest?

 

Are cold approaches really that important?

 

Money and fame.

 

They also do something that is considered cool and sexy. A guy can have a passion for making garden gnomes and it will not get him laid.

 

 

I knwo my hannibal lector post didnt help..anyone really ..

 

 

guys should just ASK women out......simple...its really frustrating when they dont......deb

[SmileFace]

Did you post a picture?

 

If you are referring to attraction - that may be needed, you know.

[somedude81]

Lemme ask you this are you looking for love (with sex of course) or are you just looking for that first GF and first sex?

 

If you are just looking to get sex, then your problem is inhibition. Just forget wanting romance, get on AFF and put your pictures out there. There are people who will have sex with a wider variety of people than they would ever ever date.

I've already tried AFF. It doesn't work. It is literally impossible to find any women younger than 40 who would sleep with me.

 

If you are looking for real passionate, emotionally intimate, committed love...the only way to get that is to be who you are. Someone will either love you for that or they won't. Most people won't. Even in this venue the problem may lie in your own inhibitions. If you don't risk rejection you will never get the rewards of romance.

As I said before, being who I am in not working. Yes I do think women should love me for who I am, but that's just not how things are.

 

Personally every bit of success I've had in sex or romance was because I was bold enough to make moves that most people would think were insane.

I admit that I need to be more bold. Though when ever I do try being bold it doesn't work. For example the girl on Facebook. Whenever I tried to make a bold comment outside of normal conversation she just ignored it. Of course I know that it means she's not interested.

[somedude81]

Did you post a picture?

 

If you are referring to attraction - that may be needed, you know.

I posted a picture of what type of look I have in another thread.

 

Right now I'm trying to focus on the non-physical things, the stuff I can change.

[johan]

Simple answer.

 

Grow taller and get richer, better looking, with a nice car and clothes, and treat them bad.

[MrCastle]

Wholigan pretty much said what I was going to say. Have interests, be cool, don't overthink stuff, be charming, etc. So I won't post the same stuff.

 

I've spoke on this before, but mystery is a huge huge part of my success. Keeping girls guessing, teasing them, being vague and open ended with my actions. Drives them wild in my experience.

 

If you want a physical example of the kind of style I have, watch Rebel Without A Cause. Some will laugh, but I really felt I needed to see a physical example of who I wanted to be like. James Dean is my dating idol. He was just the king of cool. I act very much like his character from that movie. Now it's second nature, but initially I had to use him as a template. He was a dreamy f***, what more can I say but I definitely took some parts of his style and implemented it into mine.

[movingon12]

If they don't like you for who you are, you need to :

 

A) start approaching different types of women

Or

B) completely change your personality and everything about you and see if that works better

[todreaminblue]

I've already tried AFF. It doesn't work. It is literally impossible to find any women younger than 40 who would sleep with me.

 

 

As I said before, being who I am in not working. Yes I do think women should love me for who I am, but that's just not how things are.

 

 

I admit that I need to be more bold. Though when ever I do try being bold it doesn't work. For example the girl on Facebook. Whenever I tried to make a bold comment outside of normal conversation she just ignored it. Of course I know that it means she's not interested.

 

You made one bold statement....thats it....and you gave up....if a guy makes a bold statement ill listen and go ok i might go silent because not a lot of guys are bold with me.....bold does not mean aggressive either it means determined......and it actually puts me on back foot because im not used to it so hence silence....ill pick my jaw up and wait for another if it continues if i like the guy i relax....and if i dont i take off....smilin...one bold comment does not say much.....deb

[todreaminblue]

Wholigan pretty much said what I was going to say. Have interests, be cool, don't overthink stuff, be charming, etc. So I won't post the same stuff.

 

I've spoke on this before, but mystery is a huge huge part of my success. Keeping girls guessing, teasing them, being vague and open ended with my actions. Drives them wild in my experience.

 

If you want a physical example of the kind of style I have, watch Rebel Without A Cause. Some will laugh, but I really felt I needed to see a physical example of who I wanted to be like. James Dean is my dating idol. He was just the king of cool. I act very much like his character from that movie. Now it's second nature, but initially I had to use him as a template. He was a dreamy f***, what more can I say but I definitely took some parts of his style and implemented it into mine.

 

james dean had mystery for sure....but if he liked a girl he let them know....he WAS pretty upfront with his white shirted no frills approach...im THE guy FOR YOU ...your THE girl for me.....lets go....he showed determination in most movies....definite focus.....a stubbornness and a complete sense of knowing who he was and where he stood....on the silver screen....real life...totally unpredictable.....kamikaze

Edited December 21, 2012 by todreaminblue

[movingon12]

Wholigan pretty much said what I was going to say. Have interests, be cool, don't overthink stuff, be charming, etc. So I won't post the same stuff.

 

I've spoke on this before, but mystery is a huge huge part of my success. Keeping girls guessing, teasing them, being vague and open ended with my actions. Drives them wild in my experience.

 

If you want a physical example of the kind of style I have, watch Rebel Without A Cause. Some will laugh, but I really felt I needed to see a physical example of who I wanted to be like. James Dean is my dating idol. He was just the king of cool. I act very much like his character from that movie. Now it's second nature, but initially I had to use him as a template. He was a dreamy f***, what more can I say but I definitely took some parts of his style and implemented it into mine.

 

And this is obviously successful for Castle - it attracts the kinds of girls he's interested in and it suits his personality and character.

 

But the fact that it works for one guy and the girls he likes does not mean it works for all guys and all girls.

 

It also depends on your age and the age of the girls you're interested in. Older women I would say are less likely to prefer 'vague'. I could be wrong though.

[todreaminblue]

And this is obviously successful for Castle - it attracts the kinds of girls he's interested in and it suits his personality and character.

 

But the fact that it works for one guy and the girls he likes does not mean it works for all guys and all girls.

 

It also depends on your age and the age of the girls you're interested in. Older women I would say are less likely to prefer 'vague'. I could be wrong though.

 

i would consider that to be true, older women have done the vague thing its old......james dean wasnt vague though he was upfront when he liked someone......its alright for a guy to be vague once the girl knows that he is interested if you are vague on interst its open to misinterpretation.....being spontaneous once in a dating relationship...is fine....vagueness.....i think more spontaneity is attractive an air of mystery and unpredictability you cant do this however when getting to know someone before dating...save it for the second date.or you will never get that plane off the ground...it does peak interest..being spontaneous the air of expectation and adventure...for most women i wouldnt see why they wouldnt like adventure on dates....but then i cant speak for most woman....just this little black duck....deb ........

Edited December 21, 2012 by todreaminblue

[ThaWholigan]

I have been thinking into getting into martial arts. My only concern is the cost as it can be quite expensive. I need to find a style that works for my small frame and could also be helpful in the worst case scenarios.

 

Try and have a look through a bunch of classes, it is quite expensive though hence why I haven't started yet.

 

Strengths in regards to women?

 

My guess. I don't have any strengths. Everything I do is wrong and must be changed.

 

Find them. Really analyze exactly how you are. We can't really do it for you because we aren't around you. It's too easy to say "I have no strengths" and just say it's all weaknesses. You really need to try and narrow down the fine points of your behavior if you really believe this.

 

I need to lose my gut and I'd like to gain muscle. Though I don't really think accomplishing those things would would have anything more than a very minor impact.

 

Clothes might have a bigger impact.

 

You need to stop saying that accomplishing certain things won't make an impact or things like that - it's a get-out clause into not doing it - "Ahh, that wouldn't have worked anyway" - you don't know that at all . Not until you actually try it for yourself.

 

Clothes will make an impact - I'm not the best dresser in the world and I have very limited money to spend on clothes. But I'm becoming far more aware in terms of fashion and clothes, and as soon as I can afford it, I will start to dress according to my exact preferences - while being fashionable of course .

 

 

My answer to all the questions.

 

"I don't know."

 

Seriously, I am starting from zero.

 

I'm officially back to a point where I have no girls to talk to and need to meet new girls to practice on. Even then I don't even know what to practice.

 

Something tells me that when you were studying PUA, you didn't really understand anything you were learning (I say this not as an insult, but clearly if you feel you don't know anything then you weren't even listening to them ).

 

You have to really start taking in the information - and like I've said before, I can't hold your hand and tell you exactly what to say, I can only give you short guidelines and information that is designed to tell it better than I ever could. The advice I give you should really be good enough to give you the impetus, but you require really detailed and comprehensive advice. You also need to sort out that depression too if I'm honest, that will probably be a bigger stumbling block than anything.

 

My main goal for this thread is to learn how to be able to attract women I meet in a semi-regular setting. Or maybe how to attract a girl I meet at a salsa dance or whatever.

 

What to do, how to act, what to talk about and so on.

 

The only thing I know is that what I'm doing is not working.

 

Start actually talking to girls. When I say that, I mean like really talking to them, get real deep. One day just decide to be really bold and say whatever you want. Seriously, just do that. See what happens. What kind of reaction you get. Report back here and tell us what you said and how they reacted, and how your posture was or whatever.

 

Curiously, I have a few questions for you.

 

How much do you read? What kind of things do you read? What kind of shows do you watch on TV?

 

How much do you actually really know about yourself and what you like outside of wanting a GF?

[johan]

legit.

 

you won't be incel(involuntarily celibate) after you follow this advice.

 

I attracted my girlfriend by being nice to her, straight with her, passionate about her, true to myself, good at my job, responsible, funny, fit, clean, and well-groomed.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I attracted my girlfriend by being nice to her, straight with her, passionate about her, true to myself, good at my job, responsible, funny, fit, clean, and well-groomed.

 

Wow. What a fluke. I thought the only way to attract women was to act superior to them and treat them like poop.

[johan]

Wow. What a fluke. I thought the only way to attract women was to act superior to them and treat them like poop.

 

That's the other way. She might stay with me if I treated her badly, but she wouldn't be happy. Ultimately I would end up alone.

[MrCastle]

Wow. What a fluke. I thought the only way to attract women was to act superior to them and treat them like poop.

 

Well that's certainly one way to go.

[Eternal Sunshine]

1. Finish school and get a full time job. At your age, you should be building a career.

2. Get a regular social circle. (this will increase your social confidence)

3. Find a new interest/hobby that you can talk about.

4. Stop hitting on 21 yo college girls only.

5. When talking to girls, say things that are slightly inappropriate. Boring/nice conversation is well, boring.

6. Treat women with respect. Forget about all the "bad boy" advice you have heard.

7. Grow a thicker skin. Make peace with rejection.

8. Maximize your looks (clothes, fitness, hair).

[ThaWholigan]

1. Finish school and get a full time job. At your age, you should be building a career.

2. Get a regular social circle. (this will increase your social confidence)

3. Find a new interest/hobby that you can talk about.

4. Stop hitting on 21 yo college girls only.

5. When talking to girls, say things that are slightly inappropriate. Boring/nice conversation is well, boring.

6. Treat women with respect. Forget about all the "bad boy" advice you have heard.

7. Grow a thicker skin. Make peace with rejection.

8. Maximize your looks (clothes, fitness, hair).

 

Again with the bolded, it focuses more on my question about what Somedude is actually passionate about in life. I'm curious, because only wanting a GF is just........well, not to be mean but it's kinda weird. I mean, yeah I want a GF a lot too! . But like, I also want a million other things and I'm probably more worried about a few of them than I am about getting a GF.