Frustrated with my emotions..

[Breezeblocks]

Hey guys, first time post..

 

Didn't think I would ever need to vent online but I think it's a great idea to vent out some emotions and get some neutral advice..

 

Sorry in advance for the long post..

 

I went out with my ex for 2 years, lived with her for 18 months. I'm 30 and she is 24. Basically things were good until about 4 months before we broke up (which was 1st September). In those last few months my ex started to become distant and was becoming more and more un-affectionate with me. Sex dryed up so things weren't too good. She didn't seem attracted to me at all anymore.. She started going out with her friends more and not including me in stuff. She even stayed with friends some nights rather than coming home. We had a chat and decided we needed some space to think about what we wanted. I moved out and 3 weeks later we meet up again. I missed her so much but she said she still didn't know what she wanted to do. I told her I couldn't wait around and broke up with her. I moved out again and had limited contact for about 7 weeks to try and get my head around things and move on. Rumours began to float around that she was now seeing a mutual friend of ours. This crushed me.. The more I found out the more I got hurt. I always felt uneasy about there relationship when we were together and my gut told me she probably cheated on me with him and that's why things went bad at the end. No proof of that but that's what my gut tells me. I was devistated. To make matter worse I had to move back to our flat because we had a fixed lease with 8 weeks left on it. To make the living arrangement easier I decided to play dumb and pretend I didn't know anything. Those 8 weeks were some of the hardest I've ever had. I just wanted to stay strong and not give her the satisfaction of getting upset about her.

I got though those 8 weeks and have now left the flat. I then went NC, ignoring the odd text and phone call. About a month later I ran in to her and the new guy at a bar. I blanked him and said a quick hello to the ex before joining my friends. I knew she felt awkward. She must have known that I new about them now. She came over and asked to have a quick chat in private. I kept my composure and didn't let my guard down to much. But I told her I knew everything from the start and living with her in those last 8 weeks was hell. She sensed I nearly cracked and started crying saying she never cheated and loves me and cares about me so much. She also said she really misses me blah blah blah. I didn't say much but said I don't care anymore and I don't want to talk about it. I hugged her and said its fine and re joined my friends. She then left the bar in tears with the new guy following behind. That was about a month ago. I've been NC since.

Then this weekend she randomly 'liked' a couple of photos of me from Saturday night. She did it at 1am.. Then at 11:30am she sent me a text saying she really wants to see me but understands if I'm not up for it. I cracked (I know...) and agreed to meet for a quick coffee. She seemed really excited to see me.. She turned up looking good, definitely spent some time with her clothes and make up etc. She brought up the past saying she wished things were different and it's a shame things turned out the way they did. She mentioned her mum still loves me and always asks when we are getting back together etc. she joked that she is thinking about going lesbian (which I took as a hint that things were not going so well with the new guy). I mentioned something about him and she screwed her face up and implied it was nothing. I cut her off though because I refuse to talk with her about him. Anyway I really got the impression that maybe she discovered the grass wasn't so green and she was feeling some regret. I know it shouldn't have but it made me feel good. You know that moment when the ex that burned you was starting to come crawling back but you have the strength to say HELL NO!! Anyway we parted ways with a hug and I started NC again.

Then last night I was out with some friends for a drink. My ex was there so I manned up and said hi briefly (I really want her to think I don't care about stuff and I'm not all cut up over the break up). She left shortly after. About an hour later the new guy came in... I tried to ignore him and play it cool but I was drunk and started to get angry. Still I stayed with my friends and just ignored it. Then guess who turns up again?! My ex!! She walked straight past me and my friends and went up to him, gave him a hug and kissed him on the cheek. I couldn't believe it! I mean, she knew i was there!! She just ignored me this time and went straight up to him! I was sooo ****ed off. And she must have seen how much it bothered me.. i just grabbed my coat, paid for my bill, and walked off with out saying a word. Why the **** did she meet up with me on Sunday and imply things weren't great?! I I just hope she didn't notice how angry I was last night.... I really want her to think i dont care because i think she would enjoy it knowing i am not over her. Anyway I'm really struggling to get over this girl...Why after everything she has put me through do I still love her? Why do I want her back but at the same time never want to see her again? She has seriously broken my heart and I'm feeling really really low. I think about her all the time and it kills me knowing she is with him (whether it be serious or not). Is it wrong to want her to come crawling back just so I can tell her I'm over it? Because that's what I want. I want her to beg for me back and for me to say no. To say its because she treated me for a fool and broke my heart and I could never trust her again. I want her to want me. Stupid I know. She has just made me feel so small and insignificant.

 

Anyway I would love some advice on the above. Why does she act the way she does around me? My head is really confused at the moment. I just wanted to let some of my emotions out because I tend to bottle them up.

 

I'm just sick of being hung up on this girl. I've been so strong about it but I'm really starting to crack now..

[Zammo25]

Hey guys, first time post..

 

Didn't think I would ever need to vent online but I think it's a great idea to vent out some emotions and get some neutral advice..

 

Sorry in advance for the long post..

 

I went out with my ex for 2 years, lived with her for 18 months. I'm 30 and she is 24. Basically things were good until about 4 months before we broke up (which was 1st September). In those last few months my ex started to become distant and was becoming more and more un-affectionate with me. Sex dryed up so things weren't too good. She didn't seem attracted to me at all anymore.. She started going out with her friends more and not including me in stuff. She even stayed with friends some nights rather than coming home. We had a chat and decided we needed some space to think about what we wanted. I moved out and 3 weeks later we meet up again. I missed her so much but she said she still didn't know what she wanted to do. I told her I couldn't wait around and broke up with her. I moved out again and had limited contact for about 7 weeks to try and get my head around things and move on. Rumours began to float around that she was now seeing a mutual friend of ours. This crushed me.. The more I found out the more I got hurt. I always felt uneasy about there relationship when we were together and my gut told me she probably cheated on me with him and that's why things went bad at the end. No proof of that but that's what my gut tells me. I was devistated. To make matter worse I had to move back to our flat because we had a fixed lease with 8 weeks left on it. To make the living arrangement easier I decided to play dumb and pretend I didn't know anything. Those 8 weeks were some of the hardest I've ever had. I just wanted to stay strong and not give her the satisfaction of getting upset about her.

I got though those 8 weeks and have now left the flat. I then went NC, ignoring the odd text and phone call. About a month later I ran in to her and the new guy at a bar. I blanked him and said a quick hello to the ex before joining my friends. I knew she felt awkward. She must have known that I new about them now. She came over and asked to have a quick chat in private. I kept my composure and didn't let my guard down to much. But I told her I knew everything from the start and living with her in those last 8 weeks was hell. She sensed I nearly cracked and started crying saying she never cheated and loves me and cares about me so much. She also said she really misses me blah blah blah. I didn't say much but said I don't care anymore and I don't want to talk about it. I hugged her and said its fine and re joined my friends. She then left the bar in tears with the new guy following behind. That was about a month ago. I've been NC since.

Then this weekend she randomly 'liked' a couple of photos of me from Saturday night. She did it at 1am.. Then at 11:30am she sent me a text saying she really wants to see me but understands if I'm not up for it. I cracked (I know...) and agreed to meet for a quick coffee. She seemed really excited to see me.. She turned up looking good, definitely spent some time with her clothes and make up etc. She brought up the past saying she wished things were different and it's a shame things turned out the way they did. She mentioned her mum still loves me and always asks when we are getting back together etc. she joked that she is thinking about going lesbian (which I took as a hint that things were not going so well with the new guy). I mentioned something about him and she screwed her face up and implied it was nothing. I cut her off though because I refuse to talk with her about him. Anyway I really got the impression that maybe she discovered the grass wasn't so green and she was feeling some regret. I know it shouldn't have but it made me feel good. You know that moment when the ex that burned you was starting to come crawling back but you have the strength to say HELL NO!! Anyway we parted ways with a hug and I started NC again.

Then last night I was out with some friends for a drink. My ex was there so I manned up and said hi briefly (I really want her to think I don't care about stuff and I'm not all cut up over the break up). She left shortly after. About an hour later the new guy came in... I tried to ignore him and play it cool but I was drunk and started to get angry. Still I stayed with my friends and just ignored it. Then guess who turns up again?! My ex!! She walked straight past me and my friends and went up to him, gave him a hug and kissed him on the cheek. I couldn't believe it! I mean, she knew i was there!! She just ignored me this time and went straight up to him! I was sooo ****ed off. And she must have seen how much it bothered me.. i just grabbed my coat, paid for my bill, and walked off with out saying a word. Why the **** did she meet up with me on Sunday and imply things weren't great?! I I just hope she didn't notice how angry I was last night.... I really want her to think i dont care because i think she would enjoy it knowing i am not over her. Anyway I'm really struggling to get over this girl...Why after everything she has put me through do I still love her? Why do I want her back but at the same time never want to see her again? She has seriously broken my heart and I'm feeling really really low. I think about her all the time and it kills me knowing she is with him (whether it be serious or not). Is it wrong to want her to come crawling back just so I can tell her I'm over it? Because that's what I want. I want her to beg for me back and for me to say no. To say its because she treated me for a fool and broke my heart and I could never trust her again. I want her to want me. Stupid I know. She has just made me feel so small and insignificant.

 

Anyway I would love some advice on the above. Why does she act the way she does around me? My head is really confused at the moment. I just wanted to let some of my emotions out because I tend to bottle them up.

 

I'm just sick of being hung up on this girl. I've been so strong about it but I'm really starting to crack now..

 

My take is that she still loves you. She is going about it the wrong way but she is not into this new guy. He is a distraction. Probably doing it just to piss you off now as you have not begged her back. The thing is, although most will disagree with me, if you still love her and can get over the fact she has had sex with another guy, many cannot, you could get her back if you wanted. The question is, do you want to ?

[Breezeblocks]

This is hard, I really don't know.. My heart is wanting her back but my head is telling me no. After reading other stories I know I have definitely handled the break up well. I have never once asked for her back or begged etc. Quite the opposite actually. From the start I made a huge effort to keep my emotions in check and not turn into a pathetic needy ex. Someone once told me that there is nothing more unattractive then a desperate begging guy. Girls don't like that. That want someone strong and who has there dignity intact. And that is what I still have, my dignity. And it feels good.

I don't know if I want her back, but I definitely want her to be honest with me with her intentions. I want to hear her side of the story and I make my mind up. I always follow my gut, and that's what I intend to do. I definitely don't want to be a back up for this new guy, which maybe she's trying to do? Lets say I do want her to come back to me. What should I do?? Any advice would be appreciated.

[sadpanda87]

been there done that, didnt work out too well.

 

its not hard to get back with someone that have lingering feelings for you, but thats just a time bomb waiting to happen.

 

alternatively you could cave and have your two weeks of fantastic sex then get broken all over again