Caldespair Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 3 weeks separate, I'm sure she knows mine also. Nowt I find mysel checking in in her. I know if I keep this uo, eventually I will see something I may not love and this could lead to distress. But absolutely nothing untoward. Also if thinks take a turn for worse , I'm sure I will unfriend her, thus perhaps utilizing fb to get back in dating world. Your thoughts ? Would spy as I do? Also,if I saw dating action, then I'd be informed and proceed w divorce- we r in limbo how this will go.
GorillaTheater Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 If you decide to have a peak, prepare to feel the ultimate psychological pain. You'll find the most heartbreaking info in that fb account, gaurenteed. But I'd do it anyways. Knowledge is power. Another but: this poster is right. Even though I think you need to have information to assess where you stand and make the appropriate decisions, prepare for pain. A third but: pain is weakness leaving the body. Don't be afraid of it.
Heartbroken dad Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Do it. It totally confirmed all my suspicions. I got into my wife's gmail and mobile phone account and got the proof that I'd been searching for for 4 weeks. Tbh it was a relief that finally all the pieces of the jigsaw fitted into place. As said though, be prepared for a shock I'm afraid.
Leaf9 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Check it out, but as the other posters said, prepare yourself for some pain. There were many times I avoided spying on my husband because I simply didn't want to know. Whatever I was imagining was better than the reality. It might help you move forward, knowing the reality could snap you right out of the "limbo" stage. The only other advice I have is, if you have a trusted friend, invite them over and have them check it out so you have someone that can break the news to you gently and someone there in case you need some support. Otherwise, grab a bottle of whiskey and prepare yourself. Good luck!
UpwardForward Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I think where infidelity is suspected, there's nothing wrong w spouses checking each others internet activity. From what you said in your other thread, your marital problems are not that of infidelity, but that of your W feeling threatened by your sister - and W not expecting you to chide in. If you do start dating and eventually seeking another M, lots of luck in this day and age of giving a new wife orders/threats regarding your family. 'Stepford' wives are far few inbetween.
edwardo47 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I had the STBXW yahoo mail and FB passwords. Also had keylogger on her computer before she left last Saturday. It was a painful awakening when I read what she posted/typed. My suspicions were the truth and the OM, my sons BB coach/cub scout leader,who she pursued, was in the picture. Also the 294 text messages in the month after the "I need space" comment. Yes. Today she lied to me again and said she "likes him" but nothing is going on. I have to keep the facade up of believing her and "being nice" until the divorce is final. I will be getting the house, 70 GTX,Harley and most of my valuables. She just wants freedom. I suspect some guilt because she knows I know. I'd do NC but we have children together. The fact that I have to deal with this POS for the next 18 years frosts my ass. But she is 46 and soon looks will fade. I am 46, lost 40lbs and am working out again.Working on myself emotionally through therapy. I am the better person. I will come out better in the end. There are too many fish in the sea to catch. And I am interested in younger models. Let the OM have her. She was way too f-d up in the head after the post partums. The drugs her femi-nazi shrink put her on, with her propaganda, did not help our failed relationship. I had my part in the fail, but I still tried to salvage the marriage before I found out she was cheating. Now I want nothing to do with her. And I thank her for being a lying, cheating mother of my children. Makes it easier for me.
Dreamless Sleep Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Don't do it. Do you need to read her perspective on your failed relationship? Find her longing or dating someone else? It was not healthy for me. Between either accidentally finding things or snooping it just made too vivid an image. Unhealthy for me Change your passwords, unfriend her. Whether you choose to rebuild your relationship or continue towards divorce it's the right decision. 1
Dreamless Sleep Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Just read a bit of your story. Similar to mine. Good luck. I'm out 7 months and have finally turned a corner. Even with the holiday here. Really had a dark few months. The lows aren't as low now, nor as often.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 3 weeks separate, I'm sure she knows mine also. Nowt I find mysel checking in in her. I know if I keep this uo, eventually I will see something I may not love and this could lead to distress. But absolutely nothing untoward. Also if thinks take a turn for worse , I'm sure I will unfriend her, thus perhaps utilizing fb to get back in dating world. Your thoughts ? Would spy as I do? Also,if I saw dating action, then I'd be informed and proceed w divorce- we r in limbo how this will go. 3 weeks separate and you're contemplating dating? Moving awfully fast and in the wrong direction if you want to repair your relationship. Caldespair, do you want to be married to your wife? That seems to me to be the question you should answer because "yes" or "no" are completely different courses of action. Right now you're choosing a little of each... Mr. Lucky
Author Caldespair Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 Thanks for the feedback and dreamless, very similar story to mine- tennagers, marriage looked good from outside, but poof! My wife, from all indications, has been faithfully as I have. Also my 2 daughters really think their mom is "cra cra" (crazy). I saw a lawyer today for consult, but I'm hoping things can be repaired. Today I had a lousy day, had an episode of rapid heart beat at my office. all the adjusting, not seeing my girls, being alone in evenings at hotel, not knowing what future holds, just too much sometimes. Sleepless, how long for u after u left house did u start up with ow? I will welcome that when it happens (if d happens) but I am grieving over possibly lost long term relationship. Thank god I have my family in the area, buddies and support.
Author Caldespair Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 True lucky. I want my marriage back, but improved. I guess I'm thinking of future, if it came to that, after a divorce. I would be worthless in any manner right now. My world is upside down, I'm lonely (poor me), having trouble concentrating on work (my own business) and sleep is evasive (thank god I found this site) I'm ding therapy, w says she will, so I'm hopefully and will be patient. But how patient? I can't waste the money on hotel for indefinite period, and if it drags out, then I will need to get a place and blah, blah. Kinda No mans land. Thanks
Mr. Lucky Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 What is stopping you from moving back into your house, even if into the guest bedroom? Sounds like you moved out on your own volition, would it be your choice to move back in? Why aren't you doing MC? Mr. Lucky
Kelemvor Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 If you're already at the point where you are seeing lawyers and have moved out, it's probably time for a reality check that the marriage is not going to work out. If you want to check FB, check it. You are subconsciously looking for validation for your actions when you probably don't really need any. It sounds like you are unhappy. The only thing I would advise is to at least do one round of marital counseling so that you don't second guess yourself after it is all over and struggle with "what if's". Going through a round of marital counseling with no positive outcome will help you feel better about your actions. I went through two lengthy rounds and even though it seemed like a waste at the time, I look back and am glad I went through them as it helps me with closure and feel as if I at least tried to change a few things. Just be careful with FB as you are technically violating privacy laws and if she finds out and found a good lawyer, you could be litigated as that is a federal offense. 1
Dreamless Sleep Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 [sleepless, how long for u after u left house did u start up with ow? I am not proud to say that I had someone at my place on the day I moved out. A woman at work who also was going through a breakup. I had signed a lease 6 weeks prior to leaving the house. We commiserated and comforted each other. I was just so low following all the deception and rejection. It was a stroke to my ego. We carried on for awhile. I had to break it off as I didn't see long term potential. And I wasn't ready for a relationship. I'm embarrassed to admit that I have had a few hookups with her since. Your line about your wife complaining about losing her spirit sounds like it could have come out of my ex's mouth. She has plenty of issues and an important role in our failed marriage. But I didn't nurture her or the marriage properly. Too much scar tissue. If you value your marriage and your wife, you should seek counseling. Maybe it's a lost cause. Have either burned any bridges? After leaving I spent almost 4 months waking up at 3am in a drenching sweat. I don't know if I was capable of suicide. I certainly didn't want to be alive at times. Very hopeless. Fantasizing about the marriage and family life that I had hoped I would have. It gets better. I really think this is a great age to be single. I joined OLD and am having a great time. I have met a couple of women outside of the site that I like also. Single women in their 40's are fantastic. Especially the ones you're not married to. 1
mid-divorce Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 If you want to sort it - DO NOT LOOK! This has partly cost me my marraige. She knew i knew and set me up a few times - me checking broke all our trust and i didnt find and true evidence
Author Caldespair Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Dream We did 1 session of marriage c, I am doing by my self now to get my head on str8. There were no deal breakers . Just argued some, but mostly grew apart as our oldest left for colleage. It Became very quiet. The fnn truth,I'm a nice person, work hard at my business, am great with my kids. I had to tell her. ... U will regret this... And she will. My therapist said I a, the peacemaker and she's very narcisstic. Yes, can't sleep. It's almt 6 am and this s typical. Bright side is this is shaking up my content life, which got slow. And if I polled 25 people who know my wife , 22 would say she's not nice. That's prob why impart get div. she would dish or gossip negatively about people and I would always defend the people- unless they were really bad.
Recommended Posts