BlueEyes2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 IF you GOT BACK TOGETHER after NC-- because you DID RESPOND to your ex at some point-- what were the dynamics? Probably thousands of people want to know... Please share your 2 answers *as briefly as possible* If there are lots of replies, I'll actually do stats on this-- and we can see trends for how this works. 2 Questions 1) Dumpee--or Dumper: -Were YOU the dumpee-- or the dumper? 2) Breadcrumbs--or "Please baby, I'm Sorry, Come Back To Me!" -Did you respond to breadcrumbs, or -Did you respond to the "I'm sorry-- I want you back" thing (that we're advised to hold out for) (bonus): How long did you date before the breakup happened? My theory-- that I want to be WRONG!!!-- goes like this: After NC, when your ex gets back in touch with you, **you'll hear the the "I'm sorry--let's try again" thing *** if YOU*** did the dumping whereas **you'll hear breadcrumbs, instead if **THEY** dumped you. I'm personally hoping this is wrong. Are there actual DUMPEES who get the "I'm sorry-- please come back" thing? Do the dumpers ever get THAT motivated--to actually start pursuing you-- when they hadn't been doing that/ had been taking you for granted?? Again-- Please share your 2 answers *as briefly as possible*-- I'll do stats and we see trends for how this works. 1
movingon12 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 2 Questions 1) Dumpee--or Dumper: -Were YOU the dumpee-- or the dumper? Dumpee 2) Breadcrumbs--or "Please baby, I'm Sorry, Come Back To Me!" -Did you respond to breadcrumbs, or -Did you respond to the "I'm sorry-- I want you back" thing (that we're advised to hold out for)Yes, I told him to F off. (bonus): How long did you date before the breakup happened? 7 years. Are there actual DUMPEES who get the "I'm sorry-- please come back" thing? yes. Do the dumpers ever get THAT motivated--to actually start pursuing you-- when they hadn't been doing that/ had been taking you for granted?? Yes. 1
Author BlueEyes2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Hi MovingOn-- Thanks for replying! Could you confirm? -*DID* you get back together after NC? -When you replied, was it to YOUR EX OFFERING breadcrumbs, OR TO YOUR EX SAYING "Sorry-- I want you back?" I'm looking for stats from people who **DID get back together** after NC-- and whether they had replied to breadcrumbs-- or had gotten (or held out for) "sorry-- I want you back" before replying. Thanks! Here's my original question (I'm repeating it to keep it visible-- hoping others will share): IF you GOT BACK TOGETHER after NC-- because you DID RESPOND to your ex at some point-- what were the dynamics? Probably thousands of people want to know... Please share your 2 answers *as briefly as possible* If there are lots of replies, I'll actually do stats on this-- and we can see trends for how this works. 2 Questions 1) Dumpee--or Dumper: -Were YOU the dumpee-- or the dumper? 2) Breadcrumbs--or "Please baby, I'm Sorry, Come Back To Me!" -Did you respond to breadcrumbs, or -Did you respond to the "I'm sorry-- I want you back" thing (that we're advised to hold out for) (bonus): How long did you date before the breakup happened?
movingon12 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Ooops! Sorry! Missed the first line. No we didn't get back together. He's still trying though.
moveONorStay Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 2 Questions 1) Dumpee--or Dumper: -Were YOU the dumpee-- or the dumper? 2) Breadcrumbs--or "Please baby, I'm Sorry, Come Back To Me!" -Did you respond to breadcrumbs, or -Did you respond to the "I'm sorry-- I want you back" thing (that we're advised to hold out for) (bonus): How long did you date before the breakup happened? 1) Dumper 2) Tried to reconcile, but no response bonus: Dated 6 months (4-6 days per week)
cocolove Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 1) Dumpee--or Dumper: dumpee 2) Breadcrumbs--or "Please baby, I'm Sorry, Come Back To Me!" breadcrumbs, learned lesson. (bonus): How long did you date before the breakup happened? six years
ItsTricky Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 (edited) or sorry.. we havent gotten back together ...i'm still trying though ---- 1) Dumpee--or Dumper: Dumper 2) Breadcrumbs--or "Please baby, I'm Sorry, Come Back To Me!" She gave me the "Please baby, I'm Sorry, Come Back To Me!" i heard her out but i didnt change my mind Now i'm using breadcrumbs to try and get her back coz i think i made a mistake ..she replied to my email though regarding those 'breadcrumbs' (bonus): How long did you date before the breakup happened? 7 years Edited December 21, 2012 by ItsTricky
Author BlueEyes2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 the more people share their own "post-NC reconciliation" experiences-- the more we'll see trends that we can all USE to help guide us! (SEE QUESTIONS BELOW) So much online suggests that it's the *momentum of pursuit* that drives outcomes-- That your ex has to feel the *desire* to chase you AGAIN-- if he/she had stopped chasing you BEFORE you went NC. That's tricky! If you were the one who'd been doing all the chasing-- going NC CAN turn things around... But it's hard to tell interpret their motivation when they DO re-initiate contact. I wonder whether THEIR role in the breakup-- dumper/dumpee-- affects HOW they come back-- when there IS SUCCESSFUL reconciliation (however long that ends up lasting). Like-- if YOU were DUMPED-- and NC turned your ex around so they started chasing YOU again-- are they ACTUALLY going to be able to offer you the full-on "SORRY--I WANT YOU BACK, BABY!" thing-- or are they more likely to offer you breadcrumbs (that are genuinely a way of testing the waters-- and not BS)... that DO lead to you getting back together? How often does taking breadcrumbs (i.e. no explicit mention of 'i want you back') result in the ex coming back? My theory is evolving: 1) after NC, if dumper chases you-- you, the dumpee-- you'll get breadcrumbs or "sorry--I want you back baby"-- but probably one before the other. 2) when couples DO ACTUALLY SUCCEED in getting back together, I'm wondering if it's because the dumpee HOLDS OUT for "SORRY BABY--I WANT YOU BACK", and *doesn't* take ANY breadcrumbs that come first... Maybe taking those--not holding out-- screws it up... maybe not. 3) Are there cases cases where the dumpee DOES take the breadcrumbs and things *DO* WORK OUT?-- and the couple DOES GET BACK TOGETHER-- ****without**** the dumpee holding out for "SORRY BABY--I WANT YOU BACK" ?? Has that happened? Did it happen to you? (please respond with the one-word answers-- so we can get stats!) So please share your experience: ***IF*** YOU DID GET BACK TOGETHER AFTER YOU WENT NC-- AND at some point YOU RESPONDED WHEN YOUR EX TRIED TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU: 1. Were you the -Dumper, or the -Dumpee 2. Did you (finally) respond to -Breadcrumbs (testing the waters-- no **explicit** 'want you back' thing), or to -"Sorry--I want you back!" 3. bonus question-- How long did you date pre-NC?
Harradin Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 1) Dumpee--or Dumper: -Were YOU the dumpee-- or the dumper? Dumpee 2) Breadcrumbs--or "Please baby, I'm Sorry, Come Back To Me!" Breadcrumbs, 5 days after she left me for someone else - Responded but delayed the texts, she kept finding excuses to text me, tried to get her back, she lead me on then told me she made the right decision leaving me. Not had any contact with her since. How long did you date before the breakup happened? Two and a half months.
Author BlueEyes2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 I'm asking about cases where people DID get back together after going NC-- so I want to be sure I'm reading this right. Are you saying that you DID get back together, but **5 days after you two got back together** she left" you for someone else?
NoMoreJerks Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 (edited) Are there cases cases where the dumpee DOES take the breadcrumbs and things *DO* WORK OUT?-- and the couple DOES GET BACK TOGETHER-- ****without**** the dumpee holding out for "SORRY BABY--I WANT YOU BACK" ??Yeah. My ex did this. He dumped me, then waltzed his way back into a second chance, after sending me a few breadcrumbs by text, then calling me. He never said sorry, or that he wanted me back. He suggested being friends at first, and when I said I didn't want to be friends, that I would only want more, or nothing at all, he said we could give it another try, and that our break-up hadn't been a break-up but a break. It only lasted 3 months, though. He dumped me again today. This time it looks final. ***IF*** YOU DID GET BACK TOGETHER AFTER YOU WENT NC-- AND at some point YOU RESPONDED WHEN YOUR EX TRIED TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU: 1. Were you the -Dumper, or the -DumpeeI went NC for a week after he dumped me, and he texted me a week later. I didn't reply, as I wasn't sure what to say, and wanted to tread carefully in case he wanted to get back together. He wanted to meet up for drinks when he came to my city for work in a few weeks. After I didn't reply for 2 days, he called me up and I picked up and talked with him (see above about what happened afterwards). 2. Did you (finally) respond to -Breadcrumbs (testing the waters-- no **explicit** 'want you back' thing), or to -"Sorry--I want you back!"When I picked up the phone I had no idea what it was going to be, but I guess it was a mixture of both? He didn't explicitly say sorry or that he wanted me back but he was quick to take that option (get back together with me) when I said I would only accept that. 3. bonus question-- How long did you date pre-NC? 3 months. Edited December 23, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
Harradin Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I'm asking about cases where people DID get back together after going NC-- so I want to be sure I'm reading this right. Are you saying that you DID get back together, but **5 days after you two got back together** she left" you for someone else? Ah my bad, I misread your post! Didn't get back together Sorry!
Jim91 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 This is actually very interesting thread. Regarding the fact I am actually the dumpee and going NC and hoping some breadcrumbs will appear (I'm gonna try walk over them without answers - although I do wanna give this relationship another try...). I would appreciate if people actually put more results...
Lone Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 I think breadcrumbs are part of reconciliation. I know everyone says to ignore them and hold out for the I WANT YOU BACK call. But i really think this is just unrealistic. As humans we are always going to second guess decisions and wonder about things. If i broke up with someone and then decided i had made a mistake i wouldnt just throw it out there that i wanted to get back together. i would test the waters with breadcrumbs and see how it went. depending on the responses you could go from there. i dont think you will be able to get any solid stats from this as every relationship is different and the variables are too many. 1
stevie_23 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 This is interesting. I have one experience. Back in June last year, my now recent-ex got sick and had to go into hospital. (we are online / text only and very long distance, by the way) He also had to marry his current partner who previously he had been fully intending to leave soon. He had to marry her to get on her medical insurance to pay the $20,000+ hospital bills for his treatment, and also to have someone to care for him as he gets older and potentially unwell (he’s 61 now). He told me at the time that he couldn’t be the husband he so wanted to be for me. He couldn’t saddle me with the burden of his poor health and older age (I’m 34. He always felt young but this illness hit him and made him feel old and sick, which shook him up badly in terms of us having a proper relationship) So he sent me a final email, telling me this…I was shaking as I read it. He ended it with “I miss you so much. I am crying. I will love you forever.” I didn’t take it as a proper goodbye and saw his reasons as inaccurate for why we couldn’t be together. I wrote back and told him, but he didn’t respond. He couldn’t bear to check that email account (which was just for us) again after that. I wrote to him 4 times over the next month, to an account he has on a songwriting discussion forum where I knew he’d see my messages. I didn’t push. I sent him some song lyrics I’d written about what was happening for him in his life. A week later I sent him some song lyrics for a song on the radio that reflected my feelings on the situation. A week after that I sent him a message saying that I was not giving up. I refused to leave him and I felt we should and could still be together and we could get through anything if we stuck together. I said if he felt he could not be with me anymore now he was married, then I’d have to respect that, but otherwise? I saw no valid reason for us to be apart and miserable. The last thing I wrote to him (before he responded) was angry and hurt. He had written a new song and it went something along the lines of “Had to go away so I could come back home…” and “I had my fun but now I have to settle down.” I was like WTF?!? So I was just a FLING when he told me I was his true wife and he couldn’t live without me, etc!? I was SO hurt. I also saw on that forum he was on that he’d posted a few times in the public area about going to work for 10 hours on construction sites, etc, and I was also confused by this – if he was so sick he could no longer be with me, how was he able to continue doing EVERYTHING else he used to do? He actually REPLIED this time. I’m not sure what did it. My messages of love didn’t change his mind, but my hurt and angry and confused message did. Maybe he couldn’t deal with me thinking he’d never loved me or something. He explained about the song (it wasn’t what I assumed, thank God) and we got back to talking. Once he engaged with me again, he found it hard to stay away, and we got back together. So I used the breadcrumbs method AND the direct method. Well, the direct method was at first and then in that third message (saying I am NOT leaving you, I will NEVER stop loving you, etc) and the breadcrumb method was utilised so as not to push him by sending 50 messages a day and stuff. I just wanted to be there…and I believed if I was there and he could feel me (as he’d always said he could…feel my soul), he’d come back. And he did. Except now he’s left again. *sigh* And I doubt any breadcrumbs or anything else will be coming my way this time. He ended it. Again. Didn't tell me he was doing it until 8 days after NC and then he just uploaded a song on the forum. He didn't speak a single word to me directly, but the song said it all (first lyrics were "It's done"). A knife through the heart, that was. I long for things to be how they were. But even if he DID talk to me again, I think the only way I'd ever be able to let my walls crumble now is if he said he had been a fool, he'd made a huge mistake, he didn't know what he was doing, etc etc. Anything less, I'd be too insecure and paranoid he'd leave again.
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