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I find it too intimate for men too meet my cat :(

Eternal Sunshine

By Eternal Sunshine
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Els Established Member

Els

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Wow, I'd better stop petting the cats of acquaintances whom I visit. :eek:

iris219 Established Member

iris219

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Iris,

 

Thanks for your thoughts. I actually think it's both of those things. I do feel unworthy because I simply don't connect with any men I meet. Keep in mind that pretty much all single men I meet are through OLD.

 

This is not by choice. I don't meet any men over 30 that are single in real life. Much like you. I work and have somewhat normal social life. I perhaps meet one or two single men in my age group per year (if I am lucky). In general, they are of much better quality than OLD men. One of them was my ex and even though he had his problems, we did live together and had a LTR.

 

It seems like OLD men are bottom of the barrel. Thy are either players or liars or commitment-phobes or are very socially inept... I know people here think my standards are too high but they are really not. I run OLD profiles past my friends and most are surprised that I even want to bother meeting these guys, let alone date them.

 

It is just depressing to meet so many men and have no connection. The alternative of not going on any dates (which is what will happen if I quit OLD) is just as bad. So it's hard not to feel really down on myself.

 

I'm sure it's very depressing to meet so many men and not feel it. At this point, you probably don't even know who your best match is because you've been trying to date men who are so wrong for you. For me, not going on dates is better than going out with men I don't really like. I don't have the energy to hang out with men I'm not into. I'm sure this gets tiring and I understand why you feel depressed. It sounds like you've talked yourself into believing that you're weird or there's something wrong with you, when there's not. Just because you can't connect with some random guy from the internet doesn't mean you're weird. OLD works for a very, very small % of people.

 

I think you need to start only going out with men who seem like good matches for you, not just some random dude from OLD who doesn't seem that bad. This means being more discriminating if you're going to do OLD or not dating for awhile. I don't think you're too picky; it sounds like you're not picky enough.

 

I went about 8 months this year with no dates and without interacting with single men at all. It was frustrating, but I wasn't sad or depressed. There were times it felt good to just be able to focus on my life and myself without thinking about men at all. I think everyone, at some point in their lives, would benefit from being entirely single, meaning nothing casual and no thoughts of anyone specific at all. When was the last you've done this? This might be a good challenge for you and you might be surprised to find it makes you happier than OLD.

  • Like 2
serial muse Established Member

serial muse

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You gave the best response here yourself.

 

Why do you feel this way? I think figuring this out would be helpful.

 

Do you feel unworthy because you have trouble meeting men you connect with, while everyone else seems to be able to do this? Is it because the men you date from OLD aren't really men you're into, but a temporary cure for boredom and loneliness? I'm just guessing here. What do you think?

 

ES, I was also wondering what your cat represents to you. Not to get all armchair psychology, but why is the cat in effect representing your inner sanctum/the part you want to protect? Not that you have to answer this here, but just something to think about...

 

Mostly I felt sad for you that it sounds like you value this other little critter, adorable though it may be, more than your own self right now...:(

Later82012 Established Member

Later82012

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You know, I have a cat too, and I consider it somewhat of a "test" for men in my life. If kitty approves of them, they earn a good chunk of brownie points. If he's indifferent, oh well... no harm done. If my cat downright dislikes them (and you know how vocal cats are about disliking something or someone), I'm going to be looking at his behavior very carefully to determine where the hate is coming from. Sometimes, animals sense things about people that we don't immediately see.

 

-A

^^^This is what happens if people have too many options.

dasein Established Member

dasein

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I don't think it's that strange at all. Pets can be like family, and it's not unusual to get sexually involved with someone today before wanting them to get close with family. Don't understand the "seek therapy" replies to this question, melodramatic. Nothing wrong with putting the cat up when having relatively newly met company IMO.

iris219 Established Member

iris219

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Mostly I felt sad for you that it sounds like you value this other little critter, adorable though it may be, more than your own self right now...:(

 

Agreed.

 

I know this is going to sound corny, but when I was displaying self-destructive behavior with my ex, I read something that suggested we pretend we are our own child and behave accordingly. When we are self-destructive, we don't love or value ourselves, and this was supposed to teach us to love ourselves like we would our child. For me, I had to ask myself if I would allow my teenage daughter to date a man who treated her like my ex treated me, and clearly I wouldn't allow this.

 

Ask yourself if you be OK with your daughter sleeping with these men.

 

ES is torn between being lonely and having this loneliness alleviated for a short time, but the consequences don't seem to be worth a few hours of entertainment.

 

Not allowing your cat around these guys is significant and shows that while you may not value yourself, you don't seem to value these guys either. It's like they aren't worthy of meeting your cat, which is pure and special and right now you don't feel that way because you're allowing these men you don't think are special into your life. Why waste time with men who don't mean much to you?

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SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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I highly doubt you are serious.

I think you are over dramatizing.

This is pretty random and doesn't make much sense.

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Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

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I don't have a cat, but I have a golden retriever. I stopped dating a dude because I didn't like the way he talked to her. That would have caused major issues, as I immediately became protective of her.

 

But as far as her getting to know guys I date, I have no problem with that. I do judge men based on how they interact with her, though. I'm nuts about dogs and the guy I date should be, too.

 

Guys come and go but your dog (or cat) is a constant.

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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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I think the fact they're holding your cat annoys you mainly because you don't connect with them. The cat is like a symbol of your intimate life that you hold close to your heart, and when someone who you don't connect with touches it, it's like they are going too far, how dare them touch your intimate life if they can't be emotionally intimate with you?

 

I think I feel this way when I have some random guy seating naked in my couch after a ONS. It feels like he's invading my intimate world and they shouldn't because I have no real connection with them.

 

As for letting them touch your pussy, it's unrelated. You're frustrated and feel lonely and can't seem to find someone adequate, and like many of us, you crave hugs and sex.

 

At first I laughed a lot about your OP, but suddenly it makes a lot of sense.

 

And I kind of agree that OLD men are usually the leftover and emotional misfits :/

sabre80 Established Member

sabre80

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I never understood the whole cat thing. "If you do not love my cat you do not love me" OK bye. It is an animal. I am incapable of giving it my unconditional love. I refuse to love something that does not love me back. And an animal cannot love me. It only depends on me.

 

A few months ago I was dumped because I coated my ex's kitty litter box with a layer of pop rocks. I was rolling she was not.

  • Like 1
Sunfire73 Established Member

Sunfire73

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Nah, I just think that cats are like kids. You don't introduce your dates to them unless you're already in a serious relationship.

Wunlov3 Member

Wunlov3

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I'm sure it's very depressing to meet so many men and not feel it. At this point, you probably don't even know who your best match is because you've been trying to date men who are so wrong for you. For me, not going on dates is better than going out with men I don't really like. I don't have the energy to hang out with men I'm not into. I'm sure this gets tiring and I understand why you feel depressed. It sounds like you've talked yourself into believing that you're weird or there's something wrong with you, when there's not. Just because you can't connect with some random guy from the internet doesn't mean you're weird. OLD works for a very, very small % of people.

 

I think you need to start only going out with men who seem like good matches for you, not just some random dude from OLD who doesn't seem that bad. This means being more discriminating if you're going to do OLD or not dating for awhile. I don't think you're too picky; it sounds like you're not picky enough.

 

I went about 8 months this year with no dates and without interacting with single men at all. It was frustrating, but I wasn't sad or depressed. There were times it felt good to just be able to focus on my life and myself without thinking about men at all. I think everyone, at some point in their lives, would benefit from being entirely single, meaning nothing casual and no thoughts of anyone specific at all. When was the last you've done this? This might be a good challenge for you and you might be surprised to find it makes you happier than OLD.

 

I think that's exactly what ES needs right now. I also believe that your OLD profile is your biggest enemy at the moment, which is why I think she should consider deleting it.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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I don't have a cat, but I have a golden retriever. I stopped dating a dude because I didn't like the way he talked to her. That would have caused major issues, as I immediately became protective of her.

 

But as far as her getting to know guys I date, I have no problem with that. I do judge men based on how they interact with her, though. I'm nuts about dogs and the guy I date should be, too.

 

Guys come and go but your dog (or cat) is a constant.

 

Yeah but (if you'll excuse the pun), dogs are a whole different animal.

They're companions, workers and extremely gregarious, and form part of a pack, whereas cats are more independent, comfortable when solitary, and very much their own boss...

Dogs have a symbiotic relationship with us, whereas a cat can take us or leave us....We are far more prone to having close and complex 'relationships' with dogs than we are with cats...

 

Remember the songs "love me, love my dog"...? "Me and you and a dog named Boo"...?

 

Nobody ever wrote songs like that for their cats, did they?

Nobody

Citizen Erased Established Member

Citizen Erased

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Haha...oh dear. ES, only you. :love:

CptObvious Established Member

CptObvious

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lady you have problems

 

if it makes u feel any better we only care about 1 pussy. We only pretend to like your cat so you don't think we're complete psychos. Back when I was really young I didn't know how to act in front of dogs and cats(they ****in hated me anyways and still do) so I learned to say that I'm really allergic to whatever pets they have. Lock those little monsters in another room til im done with my business cause I can't fight back.

Edited by CptObvious
veggirl Established Member

veggirl

Posted
Posted
Yeah but (if you'll excuse the pun), dogs are a whole different animal.

They're companions, workers and extremely gregarious, and form part of a pack, whereas cats are more independent, comfortable when solitary, and very much their own boss...

Dogs have a symbiotic relationship with us, whereas a cat can take us or leave us....We are far more prone to having close and complex 'relationships' with dogs than we are with cats...

 

Remember the songs "love me, love my dog"...? "Me and you and a dog named Boo"...?

 

Nobody ever wrote songs like that for their cats, did they?

Nobody

 

I am thinking you don't have a cat.

 

My cat does not like to be alone--and that is a myth about cats. They desire companionship. Just because they won't eat 3 bowls of food left out over a weekend in one sitting (like a dog would) doesn't mean they want to be alone.

 

My cat can't "take or leave" me, any more than a dog can take or leave you.

 

I will write a song about a cat, perhaps it could be the first :D My cat knows when I am sad, she won't leave my side when she senses it. She runs to greet me when I come home. She sleeps with me (on her own accord) every night. She cries at the door when she is outside and wants to come home!

 

Why are people so cold-hearted to cats?!

 

ANYWAY, ES, I think it's kinda mean to lock your cat in a separate room if guys are over, doesn't kitty scratch and whine at the door? If your cat is cool with being locked in another room then I guess it's fine. I don't date like you do, but in a way I get your feelings....I wouldn't feel weird with a guy cuddling my cat, I'd be glad cause my cat is a cuddlebug and she'd be digging the attention! I would though be wary of any man that my cat didn't like.

Imported Established Member

Imported

Posted
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I love my cat. He is my best friend and I cuddle him all day long :love:

 

I have found it really weird to have men I am casually dating touch and pet my cat. It feels too personal and like I don't know them well enough for them to do that. I wasn't aware I would feel this way - but a few men were over (at different times) and I cringed when they cuddled my cat. I have no problem having sex with these men (is that messed up?). I also have no problem with my friends and family cuddling the cat.

 

I have now decided to close my cat in another room while I have a guy over. They will only meet him if things get serious.

 

I dunno, is this very f-ed up?

 

You are so weird.

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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Wow at cats and dogs debate. My cat is probably more loyal to me than most dogs would be. He is not fine with being left alone and would be with me 24/7 if he had a choice. He always jumps in my lap and wants to cuddle to the point that I find him almost too clingy. My cat waits for me at the door every single evening I get from work and jumps in my arms. He often even ignores food in favor of cuddling with me. He follows me around and even wants to go to the toilet with me.

 

My parents on the other hand have a cat that is like TM describes. I could never form this type of bond with that cat.

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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Also, I like a lot of advice I got here. I am ignoring the "You are crazy" posts.

 

I do think people who said that cat is close to my heart got it right. I feel like I don't have any emotional connection with these men so them cuddling my cat feels weird. Like they have access to the part of me that they shouldn't have.

 

And yes, I don't value these men at all. I don't think they are special in any way and they are only there as a temporary fix for my loneliness.

 

This thread also illustrates why I don't connect to many people. It's like most people don't have enough emotional depth to get my complex feelings. People that jump to "you are weird and crazy" bandwagon. They are only capable of getting surface emotions and anything more than that weirds them out.

  • Like 1
ls32ssibm Established Member

ls32ssibm

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It sounds like you are putting the wrong pussy on the pedestal.

Imported Established Member

Imported

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Also, I like a lot of advice I got here. I am ignoring the "You are crazy" posts.

 

I do think people who said that cat is close to my heart got it right. I feel like I don't have any emotional connection with these men so them cuddling my cat feels weird. Like they have access to the part of me that they shouldn't have.

 

And yes, I don't value these men at all. I don't think they are special in any way and they are only there as a temporary fix for my loneliness.

 

This thread also illustrates why I don't connect to many people. It's like most people don't have enough emotional depth to get my complex feelings. People that jump to "you are weird and crazy" bandwagon. They are only capable of getting surface emotions and anything more than that weirds them out.

 

No really, you're weird. And apparently can rationalize anything to make it sound nice for yourself. You don't value people you have sex with...which is just wrong, but talk about other people not being capable of your super emotional complexities. Maybe things are really not that complex.

Edited by Imported
edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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You don't value people you have sex with...which is just wrong

 

Why is it wrong if she and the guy/s she's having sex with are in the same page and want the same thing? As long as no one is being fooled or misled, all is fair.

Lonely Ronin Established Member

Lonely Ronin

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ES,

 

What are you looking for in/from a guy?

 

The more posts of yours I read, the more it seems like you really don't know what you want.

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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I don't think you are weird. Not that I will care if a guy meets my dog. However I don't really allow guys who I am not in a relationship to come to my house, when I lived alone. So I can agree on the aspect of not sharing my life wth guys I am seeing casually. I do all my dirty acts at their house.

 

However I think this post is a bit exaggerated. I think you like seeming weird - different and or quirky. I really don't understand how you can even believe you love your cat more than yourself. If you aren't in the long term with these guys - you shouldn't care if they meet your cat or not. Your cat isn't child - so if you are being serious you may be on your way to purchasing that cat leash like you said prior.

Edited by SmileFace
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