BUBS Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I'm so ready for this to end and for me to be ok. I've been in no contact since thanksgiving. Everyone says it gets worse before it gets better and I couldn't agree more... the longer I go it seems to more emotionally insane I become. New wounds open about how he could not care at all to contact me, how we become more and more distant from where we were every day, how he doesn't want me in his life obviously. I know that I have to let go, I know there isn't a choice. I try to control this nonsense, I try to surround myself with positive energy, vent when I need to and everything else. I don't know if it's the holiday season or what but I'm breaking down pretty bad. I can't control the crying anymore, I'm becoming physically ill with dreams of him, thoughts and so forth. Even when my mind is on something completely different I feel so much pain over all. I don't want to be broken forever. I don't want to be bitter. I feel like he took whatever childlike innocence I had remaining, and that a great deal of my holding onto him, is holding onto the last time I had any faith in humanity what so ever. I'm not ok. I dunno what I want to accomplish by posting this... I feel defeated. I don't know why it's so difficult to let go of someone that obviously is not even remotely close to the man I fell in love with. My entire life has been pulled out from under me, years and years of putting it all together and now there is nothing. I had successfully avoided his facebook (I unfriended him immediately after the break up) but I folded tonight and checked, from what I can see any photos of me that aren't in a group with other people have been taken down. I know it was stupid to check... it did nothing but make it worse.
denxnis Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 If it was meant to be he will contact you first. If the voicemail, email, or text reads anything other than "I messed up please lets fix this" IGNORE him and continue no contact. You cannot persuade someone to love and care about you. Personally I am starting to treat my break-up like a death in the family... You can't really do anything about it but mourn your loss and someday get better.
cavalier99 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Good job on the NC! Dont crack! Breaking NC before is what has prolonged this for you. You are on the right track now. It is darkest before the dawn. You WILL get better if you keep doing this! But don't forget to stop crying sometimes. No wallowing for too long in self pity or the past. Your are strong. I know it.
cavalier99 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 If it was meant to be he will contact you first. If the voicemail, email, or text reads anything other than "I messed up please lets fix this" IGNORE him and continue no contact. You cannot persuade someone to love and care about you. Personally I am starting to treat my break-up like a death in the family... You can't really do anything about it but mourn your loss and someday get better. Yo denxnis. Glad to see you are doing better. I feel like you are in my breakup class! We will graduate eventually. I know what you mean about the death thing. But better dead (in our minds) than in our lives as ..god forbid..FRIENDS:). Now that would be the true death sentence but for us! Sounds like you are finally accepting this some. Good for you. I still have some bad days but on the whole it is cool. 1
cavalier99 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I'm so ready for this to end and for me to be ok. I've been in no contact since thanksgiving. Everyone says it gets worse before it gets better and I couldn't agree more... the longer I go it seems to more emotionally insane I become. New wounds open about how he could not care at all to contact me, how we become more and more distant from where we were every day, how he doesn't want me in his life obviously. I know that I have to let go, I know there isn't a choice. I try to control this nonsense, I try to surround myself with positive energy, vent when I need to and everything else. I don't know if it's the holiday season or what but I'm breaking down pretty bad. I can't control the crying anymore, I'm becoming physically ill with dreams of him, thoughts and so forth. Even when my mind is on something completely different I feel so much pain over all. I don't want to be broken forever. I don't want to be bitter. I feel like he took whatever childlike innocence I had remaining, and that a great deal of my holding onto him, is holding onto the last time I had any faith in humanity what so ever. I'm not ok. I dunno what I want to accomplish by posting this... I feel defeated. I don't know why it's so difficult to let go of someone that obviously is not even remotely close to the man I fell in love with. My entire life has been pulled out from under me, years and years of putting it all together and now there is nothing. I had successfully avoided his facebook (I unfriended him immediately after the break up) but I folded tonight and checked, from what I can see any photos of me that aren't in a group with other people have been taken down. I know it was stupid to check... it did nothing but make it worse. I dint see about the FB checking. This is not NC and will mess you up. Think 12 step program. You cannot check anything!. It is truly like the alcoholic picking up the 1 innocent drink or just one puff of crack. Welcome back! And Keep coming back! String a month together one day at a time and the urges will pass.
Author BUBS Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Thanks for posting and the words of encouragement. Yea I'm not proud of myself with the facebook thing...it really did a number on my already messed up state of mind. I really hope you are right about it getting better. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just the type of person that will cling to this for the rest of my life. I genuinely feel like there is nothing left of me, I put it all into him, and continue to no matter how much I try not to. What have you guys been doing to ease the pain?
denxnis Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I genuinely feel like there is nothing left of me, I put it all into him, and continue to no matter how much I try not to. What have you guys been doing to ease the pain? I workout every other day now, not to be over dramatic but I feel like this saved my life after the break-up. I work on my career, knowing that I have a lot more money than my ex and can buy myself a nice house next year is comforting. And finally I vent on here, created a "No contact diary" page where I write all the things I feel like saying to her on my off days.
cavalier99 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Best way to ease the pain is 100 percent NC. No exceptions.
Samilia Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Thanks for posting and the words of encouragement. Yea I'm not proud of myself with the facebook thing...it really did a number on my already messed up state of mind. I really hope you are right about it getting better. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just the type of person that will cling to this for the rest of my life. I genuinely feel like there is nothing left of me, I put it all into him, and continue to no matter how much I try not to. What have you guys been doing to ease the pain? Well let's look at the bright side here, at least you know he's moved on for sure, that will help you do the same. Sometimes pain is a conscious choice, so is recovery. It might not be easy at first but try and choose to get back on track. Some people go to the gym, some find comfort with friends, work, school, etc.. Ask yourself, is he worth wasting a portion of your life over him?
th90 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Thanks for posting and the words of encouragement. Yea I'm not proud of myself with the facebook thing...it really did a number on my already messed up state of mind. I really hope you are right about it getting better. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just the type of person that will cling to this for the rest of my life. I genuinely feel like there is nothing left of me, I put it all into him, and continue to no matter how much I try not to. What have you guys been doing to ease the pain? It's a mental and emotional war. The power to control your mind will get you out of it. Make conscious effort to stop thinking of all the good and bad things that have happened and anything related to him. That's what I do once the thought starts hurting me. He only hurt you once. It's the words and visions that we form in our minds that are hurting us. I remind myself that letting go is the greatest form of love and self-liberation every single day. 2
Billyjo Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Thanks for posting and the words of encouragement. Yea I'm not proud of myself with the facebook thing...it really did a number on my already messed up state of mind. I really hope you are right about it getting better. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just the type of person that will cling to this for the rest of my life. I genuinely feel like there is nothing left of me, I put it all into him, and continue to no matter how much I try not to. What have you guys been doing to ease the pain? I am exactly the same way..and I too have been NC since thanksgiving and literally feeling exactly what you're describing. I deleted her from FB the other day and I didn't realize how that would make me feel..like there is a world in between her and I. I feel so distant from her. It's bizarre but being being friends on facebook I guess meant that I was still in someway connected with her and now we are literally just two strangers in this world. I cried 24/7 last week and am crying as a I write this. You are not alone! Or maybe we ARE just the type of people who will cling to it forever, but I truly feel like even if I'm married with kids someday I will still have days where I think about her and get overcome with sadness. She was my everything..We were together every waking minute and shared everything with each other. I'm not sure I will ever have that kind of intimacy with another human being, which may be a good thing as apparently it was unhealthy because it ended. Anyways my point is, I am feeling exactly what you are feeling ..you are not alone.
na49 Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 NC will make you feel better. Trust me. Take it day by day, then week by week, eventually you'll be taking it month by month and before long you'll be done. Time is really the only way for us all to heal, but trying the little things can help. If the fact that he isn't contacting you hurts. Blocking him from contact could help. This way you won't know if he is trying to contact you or not. Getting texts from the ex is always a nice little ego boost. It makes us know that they thought of us. The reality is that even if they contact you, what good will it do? They'll probably want you in their friend zone to relieve guilt, and not tell you ANYTHING that you want to hear. So why listen? Don't. Ignore, stay strong. Also, no more facebook stalking. EVER. It will not help you, eventually you won't want to check up on him the longer you go. I haven't checked in over a month and am actually scared of seeing it now. I know seeing it will set me back, so I'm not. The want to check is also going away with time. I'm becoming less interested in her life because it doesn't involve me. I'm becoming more interested in my life because it doesn't involve her, it involves a lot of awesome friends and family. 1
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