bobsmith76 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 During the last 8 months I've gone out 52 times and spent 125 hours. I keep track of how I spend all my time, that's how I know all this. Each week I go out between one and two times. I never go out to bars. I mostly go out to poetry readings, writers groups, book groups, a few left wing political events and also singles events. In those 52 times that I've been out I've met about 35 women that I liked enough to desire to approach them. Around 17 of them were certainly single because they would either point out their boyfriends to me, another 7 or 8 claimed to be single but it's difficult to tell if they were lying. Also quite a few women in that group of 35 make a real effort to avoid eye contact so of course I don't bother with them. It doesn't really matter, the point is with all those 35 women that I approached or wanted to approach but knew it was futile, I only got a date from one of them and not a very good date at that. I'm not looking for any advice I'm just informing the community of one person's experience. When I was 25 or so I used to have great success with women but now that I'm 36 it's so easy anymore. Online dating also yields roughly the same results as my real world experience.
CptSaveAho Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 LOL What do you ask the women when you approach them?
edgygirl Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I bet you live in the US. That's how things go here. Ugh. I don't know how people procreate. edit: bingo. I see you do live here. wth is wrong with social interactions here?
suladas Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Never bothered doing a cold approach don't think it's worth the time, not exactly easy to do either. But yes it's tough. I've met the odd girl through friends, but nothing that amounts to anything. OLD hasn't done anything either. I'm in canada doesn't seem much different here.
CptSaveAho Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) I dont understand why people find approaching so difficult... Guys are the worst Guy looks at girl ... girl makes eye contact.... girl preens.... guy walks over says hi... girl shows more interest... guy asks girl for phone number... guy walks away... guy calls 3-5 days later and asks out on a date Profit You people make it so hard on yourselves... lets over rationalize and blah blah blah they might have a boyfriend or blah blah blah Just introduce yourself, ask for a phone number... they give it to you or they dont... its direct/confident and you dont waste time Edited December 20, 2012 by CptSaveAho 1
edgygirl Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 How I miss my country in the tropics... Your scenario there would go like this: Guys go out, girls go out. Guys and girls have fun. Guys and girls eye each other. Guys and girls approach each other. Guys and girls don't find this a weird awkward thing to do. Guys and girls get to know each other in a fun way. Guys and girls may or may not hookup and the hookup may or may not lead to something. All is fine. No need to play games. No need to OLD as people are normal and like meeting other people with no hidden agenda whatsoever. Hm what am I doing in this country anyway? UGH!!! 1
CptSaveAho Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Guys here are pus.sified It's retarded... 1 date in 125 hours his approach is off... hes passive aggressive on communicating
suladas Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Part of it is how approachable people are. When I was in mexico it was easy to approach women and talk, same with going other places. But in my city? Not anywhere as close. Women just aren't anywhere as approachable. If there is some kind of in like a friend of a friend or something it's easy, but otherwise it's not.
CptSaveAho Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 HUH.... You walk up to a girl and say HI... You guys seriously make this harder then it is, its like you WANT TO FAIL
edgygirl Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Is it the egg or the chicken? Are women not approachable or the guys approach in an awkward way? My experience in the US is the latest. Nothing seems natural about men and relationships here. Part of it is how approachable people are. When I was in mexico it was easy to approach women and talk, same with going other places. But in my city? Not anywhere as close. Women just aren't anywhere as approachable. If there is some kind of in like a friend of a friend or something it's easy, but otherwise it's not.
suladas Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Is it the egg or the chicken? Are women not approachable or the guys approach in an awkward way? My experience in the US is the latest. Nothing seems natural about men and relationships here. It varies on the situation i think. I mean like 4 girls sitting at a table in a bar what guy is going to go approach them unless they seem really open to being approached? Or when they are dancing, if it's in a close circle it's clear they aren't open to guys coming up to them. I usually only approach if they are alone, it's just easier and odds are better. Sometimes it can be the guy. A friend of mine must of approached 25 girls in a night and not a single one went good, talking to a few of the girls after many said he was creepy. Not exactly sure what he did to come across that way. But in other places like gym, grocery store I have never approached and wouldn't unless I got some decent signals.
ascendotum Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) Cptn, a lot of guys just don't get the positive reinforcement steps (bolded parts) of your course of events. Those steps really do help to make chatting up a fun activity instead of it being like a mormon with bible in hand knocking on strangers door to tell them about jehova. Guy looks at girl ... girl makes eye contact.... girl preens.... guy walks over says hi... girl shows more interest... guy asks girl for phone number... guy walks away... guy calls 3-5 days later and asks out on a date Edited December 20, 2012 by ascendotum
CptSaveAho Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Because they approach like the OP posts... and over rationalizes "this one might have a boyfriend oh well im going to dance around the bush and find out by asking her sideways questions" Just look at the actions... you dont have to over rationalize what they say... ignore everything they say 1) You walk up to girl and say hi 2) Does she say hi back? If so introduce yourself make small talk, ask for phone number. If not walk away 3) Does she give phone number? If so write it down say "Thanks it was nice meeting you" and walk away. If not talk a little more and ask for phone number again. If you dont get the phone number say "nice meeting you" and walk away 4) Wait 3-5 days to CALL (not text) and call once, dont leave a voice mail. If they pick up set up date, if they dont throw the number away and move on. Easy... practice this and profit... the more you do this, the more confident you become and get the preening and other IOIs before you even walk up... girls can smell confidence a mile away
movingon12 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Because they approach like the OP posts... and over rationalizes "this one might have a boyfriend oh well im going to dance around the bush and find out by asking her sideways questions" Just look at the actions... you dont have to over rationalize what they say... ignore everything they say 1) You walk up to girl and say hi 2) Does she say hi back? If so introduce yourself make small talk, ask for phone number. If not walk away 3) Does she give phone number? If so write it down say "Thanks it was nice meeting you" and walk away. If not talk a little more and ask for phone number again. If you dont get the phone number say "nice meeting you" and walk away 4) Wait 3-5 days to CALL (not text) and call once, dont leave a voice mail. If they pick up set up date, if they dont throw the number away and move on. Easy... practice this and profit... the more you do this, the more confident you become and get the preening and other IOIs before you even walk up... girls can smell confidence a mile away He's almost completely right (not about waiting 3-5 days before calling, I don't see the point of that at all) but other than that, he's completely 100% right.
CptObvious Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Because they approach like the OP posts... and over rationalizes "this one might have a boyfriend oh well im going to dance around the bush and find out by asking her sideways questions" Just look at the actions... you dont have to over rationalize what they say... ignore everything they say 1) You walk up to girl and say hi 2) Does she say hi back? If so introduce yourself make small talk, ask for phone number. If not walk away 3) Does she give phone number? If so write it down say "Thanks it was nice meeting you" and walk away. If not talk a little more and ask for phone number again. If you dont get the phone number say "nice meeting you" and walk away 4) Wait 3-5 days to CALL (not text) and call once, dont leave a voice mail. If they pick up set up date, if they dont throw the number away and move on. Easy... practice this and profit... the more you do this, the more confident you become and get the preening and other IOIs before you even walk up... girls can smell confidence a mile away my fellow captain, please stop giving them all our secrets(unless they're ugly or poor in that case what we tell them won't matter)
CptSaveAho Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) He's almost completely right (not about waiting 3-5 days before calling, I don't see the point of that at all) but other than that, he's completely 100% right. You're a girl, of course you dont agree with this... its called letting the pot simmer, make you think about us for a couple days =) Does that guy really like me =) Builds attraction... we aren't the fish that jumps in the boat... we're a challenge FYI get the hell off internet dating, guys... if you can't do this simple thing in real life, you are going to fail online miserably Edited December 20, 2012 by CptSaveAho
movingon12 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 You're a girl, of course you dont agree with this... its called letting the pot simmer, make you think about us for a couple days =) Does that guy really like me =) Builds attraction... we aren't the fish that jumps in the boat... we're a challenge Hmmm. Maybe. As long as there aren't any other guys calling her. But if I met 2 guys one night who were equally cute, and one called within 1-2 days and the other waited 5 days, I would prioritise the first one and assume the other was either not that interested or just playing games.
CptSaveAho Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 "prioritize" not reject... that's why we wait... deal with the needy guy first (which you will see a mile away)
movingon12 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 "prioritize" not reject... that's why we wait... deal with the needy guy first (which you will see a mile away) I think it might depend on the kind of girl you were approaching - some will see it as a challenge, and others will see it as being way down on your list of priorities. In the past I've not picked up calls from guys who waited too long to call because I assumed they weren't really that interested.
Frogwife Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I think it might depend on the kind of girl you were approaching - some will see it as a challenge, and others will see it as being way down on your list of priorities. In the past I've not picked up calls from guys who waited too long to call because I assumed they weren't really that interested. Agreed. It's sad that guys actually listen to advice like this (of course, the ones that do are on the PUA forums complaining they don't have women...) Waiting 3-5 days to call and then tossing the phone number if the woman doesn't pick up the one call... god forbid she might actually be in a meeting, at the movies or otherwise unavailable... sheesh...
ScreamingTrees Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Agreed. It's sad that guys actually listen to advice like this (of course, the ones that do are on the PUA forums complaining they don't have women...) Waiting 3-5 days to call and then tossing the phone number if the woman doesn't pick up the one call... god forbid she might actually be in a meeting, at the movies or otherwise unavailable... sheesh... Personally, I think a girl would lose interest regardless of whether I were to call the next day, or wait two days. She'd find fault with either approach because I'm going to assume that if she actually gave me HER number, it was only because I'd put her on the spot. In a hypothetical situation, anyway.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Interesting posts! To the OP: Kudos for putting yourself out there. Here are some things that work (and don't work) when guys cold approach me: It seems you dash in and out of these events based on the total number of hours and number of events. Show up early. Linger afterwards. After an event, guys have chatted with me for over an hour in a parking lot or just outside the event. Eventually they'll ask if I'd like to grab a drink or they'll tell me they'd like to see me again and we'll exchange phone numbers if I'm interested. If I'm not interested or I'm on the fence, I'll take his number, but decline to give mine. Call/text the next day, or I will lose interest and move on. Treat these as social events, not a project management plan. Your goal is to get to know people organically, not to place a check mark next to every female "project" at the event. Women will sense what you are doing, and it will be a turn-off. It feels socially awkward and creepy when someone takes a "project" approach to socializing. Also, be selective. Pick one person to flirt with. If you go around flirting and trying to pick up every woman at the event, you'll come across as a player or desperate. No one will bite. If I saw you hit on another woman, I'm not interested. Life is one big dating opportunity. Seems you are only thinking of dating and picking up women at these events. How about when you are out and about in your day-to-day life? I've been picked up in the line at the grocery store, bakery, farmers' market, gym, the post office, the library, parking garage (surprisingly popular choice with guys), Starbucks, Panera, in restaurants, on public transportation, waiting at a street corner, walking into a building, on planes, in airport lounges, in hotel elevators or lobbies, out hiking, etc. I can't think of a place that I haven't been asked. For guys who are successful, their "Excel spreadsheet," unlike yours, would have 14 hours/day. Not 125 hours over months. Basically if you're only asking women at these events, your results are what you can expect. Good luck!
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Personally, I think a girl would lose interest regardless of whether I were to call the next day, or wait two days. She'd find fault with either approach because I'm going to assume that if she actually gave me HER number, it was only because I'd put her on the spot. In a hypothetical situation, anyway. If I gave you my number, I was interested. That's true for most women. I think your "why bother" negativity holds you back from getting what you want.
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