Lone Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Hi guys, Roughly a month since break up. Had LC for a week or so after but has been about 3 weeks of solid NC with the last form of communication being me asking her to pick her stuff up from my place while I was away. Which she did. It wasn’t the friendliest text message I have sent but after everything I wanted to gather back some self respect. Haven’t heard from her since. But do know she asked a mutual friend how I have been and has been looking at some of my social media sites 3 days ago. I have been avoiding anything and everything to do with her. I’ve been having a very rough time. If you are interested there are previous threads attached to my profile if your that way inclined for background info. I still miss/want her and have spent a LOT of time over the last month reading/researching the avenues available for reconciliation. It seems the universally accepted way is to maintain NC, move on and work on myself. I have a few questions which I'm hoping some of you can answer as I'm having trouble finding answers: (Please keep in mind that reconciliation is the ultimate goal but realise this may not happen. To me there are 3 options: Friends, more than friends, nothing.) 1) How do I act/talk about the break up to friends? We run in similar social circles and have many mutual friends. 2) If they ask if we will remain friends what should I say? 3) It is also highly likely we will run into each other frequently due to our social circle so if this happens how do I act towards her? 4) It is her birthday in early January. Should I contact her and wish her a happy birthday? I also know she is going home for Xmas so was wondering if I should contact her and wish her and her family well? – I'm unsure of this as when she broke it off I did act needy/clingy/desperate for one day but that was it. After that went silent. I don’t want to chase her but am scared if I stay silent she will forget about me completely and I may never hear from her again. Also I think she may think I am mad due to my last text message. I know of two dates between late December and early January where we will both be at the same events and I will highly likely run into her. I'm wondering if I should reach out beforehand so it isn’t awkward/uncomfortable or just wait and see what happens and how she reacts. If anyone can provide any insight at all would be greatly appreciated. We did have a very close bond and friendship and I miss my friend so much. I had hoped I would have heard from her by now but no luck. I do want her back but I realise I need to get my life in order before there is any chance of this happening. This is my goal over the next few months so either way I will be in a better position for me to either attract her back or attract someone else. Please help me. I wake up every day in a deep depression and cannot get out of this slump.
veggirl Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Okay, to answer your questions (as I take it, you were together 6 mos and she broke up with you): 1) How do I act/talk about the break up to friends? We run in similar social circles and have many mutual friends. You be honest. "I am still struggling with it, but I'm okay. I'd rather not talk about it" (unless you want to talk about it). No need to put on a front. They are your friends and surely they've been through break ups as well. Don't lie and act like you are wonderful but don't act like a drama queen (cause they might run and tell her that). 2) If they ask if we will remain friends what should I say? "I don't know, it's too soon to tell" 3) It is also highly likely we will run into each other frequently due to our social circle so if this happens how do I act towards her? Cordial. don't make first contact. Smile politely, say hello, and keep walking. Don't engage her in convo. She dumped YOU. She can come after you if she wants to talk. 4) It is her birthday in early January. Should I contact her and wish her a happy birthday? I also know she is going home for Xmas so was wondering if I should contact her and wish her and her family well? NO, NO, NO!!! Do not use the holidays as an excuse to break NC!! Please remember, she dumped you. If she doesn't feel bad and if she doesn't feel like "omg I better tell him Merry Xmas so he doesn't think I hate him!" then why should you? Why should YOU reach out to her when she dumped you? Do not contact her first. Do not reach out to her.
Author Lone Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Okay, to answer your questions (as I take it, you were together 6 mos and she broke up with you): You be honest. "I am still struggling with it, but I'm okay. I'd rather not talk about it" (unless you want to talk about it). No need to put on a front. They are your friends and surely they've been through break ups as well. Don't lie and act like you are wonderful but don't act like a drama queen (cause they might run and tell her that). "I don't know, it's too soon to tell" Cordial. don't make first contact. Smile politely, say hello, and keep walking. Don't engage her in convo. She dumped YOU. She can come after you if she wants to talk. NO, NO, NO!!! Do not use the holidays as an excuse to break NC!! Please remember, she dumped you. If she doesn't feel bad and if she doesn't feel like "omg I better tell him Merry Xmas so he doesn't think I hate him!" then why should you? Why should YOU reach out to her when she dumped you? Do not contact her first. Do not reach out to her. Hi Veg, Thanks for your reply. Just in regards to question 1: Im apprehensive about telling anyone that could relay it to her that im struggling. I dont want to boost her ego anymore than i already have. Everything ive read about getting her back suggests to act as if im fine with it all and was the best thing to ever happen to me.. Im going to a xmas party which her flatmates will be at so obviously they are going to relay information. I dont want them going back saying ive been a mope and arent moving on. I know all this is counter intuitive but i do want her back and will do anything to put myself in the best position for reconciliation. With queston 2... would "i hope so" be appropriate? Is all this advice given with the intention of best setting me up for reconciliation? But thank u i really appreciate it. I really hope/pray i hear from her. Ive been a mess for a month. its on my mind all day everyday. im on anti-depressants, seeing counselors. just all round mess. never been like this and never wwant to be again.
Author Lone Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 anyone else have anything to add? the more advice the better... please...
Author Lone Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Also, if i act this way and dont really give her anything wont that give her the impression that I am not willing to talk to her?
Author Lone Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Guys she leaves to go home today for xmas.... should i get in touch to wish her safe travels and all the best to her family for xmas etc? We havent spoken for about 3-4 weeks. Im hoping this would ease the tension a bit as i know im going to run into her eventually. Plus i do miss her and would like to contact her... someone please help
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