Harradin Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Without trying to sound like frederick here. I just wanna let go. The more I'm trying to keep busy, the more my ex stays in my head. I tend to ramble so I apologise. This song describes basically what I'm saying: Nickelback - trying not to love you lyrics - YouTube Most know my story, she was upset about her parents divorce and I looked after her for that week. She repaid me by unexpectedly leaving me for my 'friend' (who I found out had been trying/flirting with her a day before she found out about her parents being divorced, they met up during the weekend when I was away and "nothing happened.") She still gave me mixed feelings after she broke up with me, tried to get her back a month later, she chose to stay with him and not spoken to her since (about mid-late October I don't remember the date) and maintained NC, have no tendencies to stalk her Facebook profile or anything. I was really cut up about her leaving me as there was no red flags, no warning signs, nothing. I made mistakes, but they weren't deal breakers. But I started picking up and moving on and doing okay, but over the past couple of weeks I haven't been able to get her out of my head, no matter how hard I try. Mutual friends told me how awful she was, how I deserve far better then her, I hate what she did to me, she's not on a pedestal, so I just don't understand why I still love her. Over the past couple of weeks, the feeling has just grown stronger and stronger. I know she's not coming back, she knows where I am if she ever does, she's not contacted me, and I've already fought for her. There's nothing I can do as I've already tried, which makes these feelings really irritating. I just don't understand how before her, I couldn't attach to anyone, if I developed feelings for someone, I could get rid of them in a couple of days, life was so easy as I had no worries. She walks into my life and everything I had lived my life by has been turned upside down, I hate it. I just don't understand why these feelings would come around and continually get stronger when I was doing so well beforehand.
frederickkk Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 woah, shoutout for me. listen up son, you will never let go. you are in love. can't bury that feeling.
geegirl Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) It's normal to feel this way. The finality of it all is setting in and you're coming to the realization that it's over. The first couple of months you have lingering hope but soon enough your reality begins to set in. It's difficult to accept finality. It's not a setback but a process you go through when grieving. You'll go from anger to sadness to acceptance, back again to anger then denial, you get my drift. Random and in waves. You're still fresh in your recovery. Keep doing what you're doing. While it may seem you're falling back, you're actually going through the stages of healing. Took me about 6 months to find my balance. Edited December 20, 2012 by geegirl
MyAngel Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 The pain comes in waves. Just when you feel one day you've taken a step forward, you can wake up the next day back where you started. I dont think it's an easy road. It will take a lot of time and determination to get through this but you will get to the other side eventually. You've done all you can do. The feeling of hopelessness is not nice.
spaniard Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Look, it's perfectly normal. You are not frederickkk, you have accepted that it's over and you want to move on. It is the most important step on a LONG road. My ex broke up with me like 5 months ago. Healing is a slow process, day by day a tiny part of your love "dies", but still, emotional waves are quite often. For me the last 2 months have been good, but before that this whole thing was a rollercoaster. Let me show you a great pic that perfectly defines the healing process: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/4953421/1277244843601.gif It was only 2 weeks ago, however, when I first felt I'm ready for a new relationship. I met this girl at uni, we have talked a few times on FB and I really really like her. I think this will complete my healing process. First you have to feel great alone, then you have to find a new relationship, if you want. But this takes a lot of time. 1
Renard99 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) woah, shoutout for me. listen up son, you will never let go. you are in love. can't bury that feeling. Wrong, as always. Many many people have let go, I and many others have, some are on their way to and some are just getting started. Don't tar us all with a brush that currently you are the only one in possesion of. Harradin:- You've already successfully come to terms and accepted it's over (unlike Frederickk) As the picture that spaniard posted, you've got to let your emotions run through the ups, downs and loops that they destined to go through. You'll get to a stage where you won't think about her as much and when that happens things will get lighter for you. They did for me. The turning point for me was when I got bored of hearing myself talk or think about my ex. Such negative feelings eventually killed the last remaining feelings I had for her. You'll get there mate, you've just got to continue to want to heal and let time do its thing Edited December 20, 2012 by Renard99
Author Harradin Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Thanks for the input all At least its normal what I'm going through! I was worried! I think the hardest thing was that I was attracted to her from the moment I met her, she told me she felt the same thing I did, we went out within a week of meeting each other. I had never felt this way about anyone else before, I thought that it must be something special. The time we had together was intense, we saw each other every day, I thought she was crazy for me, she always wanted to spend time with me, talked about our futures etc. I hate how it took her a weekend to suddenly decide she wanted to be with someone else. I'm just confused at how I thought it was so right and suddenly its not there anymore. But the future must be better! I just hate feeling like I'm doing "nothing" when really I'm healing.
Renard99 Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the input all At least its normal what I'm going through! I was worried! I think the hardest thing was that I was attracted to her from the moment I met her, she told me she felt the same thing I did, we went out within a week of meeting each other. I had never felt this way about anyone else before, I thought that it must be something special. The time we had together was intense, we saw each other every day, I thought she was crazy for me, she always wanted to spend time with me, talked about our futures etc. I hate how it took her a weekend to suddenly decide she wanted to be with someone else. I'm just confused at how I thought it was so right and suddenly its not there anymore. But the future must be better! I just hate feeling like I'm doing "nothing" when really I'm healing. I know this probably won't help, but in all honesty, she was probably thinking about it for a while before actually ending it. My ex was the same. Suddenly one day, after sitting her down to ask what was wrong after she'd been a little quite for a couple of days, she states she doesn't love me anymore and wants to end it all after 7 years together. That's not the kind of decision you make in a couple of days and there has to have been a longer thought process. It hurt me a little to think that she hadn't come to me to talk about the problems she perceived in the relationship.... but... at the same time I could flip that on its head and say 'do I want to be with a woman that runs away from problems rather that confronts them?' I know what you mean about feeling like you're doing 'nothing' but the longer it goes on for the more your brains works through all that it needs to. Yeah, the sleepless nights are a pain in the a**, as are the swings of emotions, but it's still your brain working things out. I didn't see myself going through phases at the time, I just saw myself being a weak fool who kept moaning on and on about the break up. Now though, I can see that all the talking was actually me talking it through with people, breaking it down and analysing it. I can also see phases of sadness, anger, anxiety, confusion, embarrassment etc that I didn't see at the time. All of which are on that picture Spaniard posted. Everything you're going through, to me, sounds like you're on the path of healing, you've just got to keep looking ahead. If it's any consulation to you, I'm now in a relationship that is far better than anything my ex and I had so things can, and do, get better. As the line in that Nickelback song says, 'this kind of pain, only time takes away'. Just hang in there! Edited December 21, 2012 by Renard99
spaniard Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 My ex-gf had told me how madly she was in love with me and she couldn't live without me -- 2 weeks before she asked for a 3 week break (which eventually lead to a break up). So what I've learnt from that relationship is that words are just words - actually I had felt earlier that something was wrong and eventually I was right. Words don't matter, if you feel that something is not okay, you are probably right. Of course I'm not saying that one should not trust his or her partner, it's just... there are always signs. I don't have trust issues, but this relationship, however painful it was, was actually helped me a lot on how to recognize these signs and, maybe, how to prevent them. I'm not even angry at her, never really was, I think it's sort of gentlemanish to speak highly of your ex. She is a good person, I think she will make someone very happy - just like some other girl will make me very happy Anyway, Harradin, I think you handle this whole BU in a very mature way. I don't want to lie to you, but you'll probably feel much worse than now, but eventually you'll be fine. Just fine. That's how it works. When I came here in September, I was still in love with my ex searching for answers, thinking about her like 24/7. Now I'm home alone listening to cool music I like, hitting the gym in half an hour and meeting my friends in the evening. And I've got a date next Friday. Biggest cliché ever, but time does heal. 1
Author Harradin Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 It was so out of the blue, I wasn't expecting it at all. It hurts to think that she probably had issues with the relationship and didn't talk to me about them. The annoying thing is I don't trust people easily, and I can smell a rat from miles off, I'm unusually very good at noticing small changes. And yet there were no signs whatsoever from my point of view that she was unhappy with the relationship. I know its going to be okay eventually, I just wonder what the future will bring. Thanks again!
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