RogerWallace111 Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 I'll quickly synopsize my story: Dated my ex for 2.5 years, broke up with her, slowly got back together and did another year on/off for a few months at a time (we’re both mid-twenties). I think my telling her during that first breakup that "I wasn't the type of guy who was gonna marry his first girlfriend" was something that weighed on her mind, and eventually, ending things was easier than living with that underlying sense of futility. She did this a bit over three months ago, after a 2 week stint together that had been preceded by 3 other months of nc... So basically, she ended things 6 months ago, 3 months of nc, sees me & breaks down telling me she needs me, we get back together for two weeks, she ends it again, and now 3 months have gone by. After that first 3 months, when I saw her again, I was hesitant to give things another shot, as I was finally feeling content single and had a feeling things might just end again, as they did (of course I expressed this concern but she reassured me multiple times). Anyway, after that little period back on ended, I surprisingly only felt ****ty for about two days before basically reverting back to my prior state of being pretty happily single (I expected to be back at square one). The 3 months since then have been no contact besides running into her on the street once, making some very brief small talk after which I got some texts from her telling me she missed me, etc. That got to me for a day or two, but otherwise I’ve felt fine. Been making good progress with my hobbies, job’s badass, lots of fun time with friends, a few little things with some new girls… Then, last Friday, this f*cked shooting in Connecticut happened, and led me to thinking about/missing her a lot through that day. Then of course I indulged somewhat heavily in drinking, weed-smoking, etc through that weekend, which led to me feeling crappy Monday. Then, Monday evening, I noticed a facebook comment of hers on some mutual friends post and couldn’t help but click on her and scroll through her recent photos, etc. That’s led to me be bummed off and on since (today is Wednesday). That initial night, I even had those feelings of hopelessness/despair that I’d only ever experienced within a couple weeks of breaking up, though luckily they weren’t of that full intensity, and my brain was able to keep my “heart” in check. Anyway, I guess I’m basically disappointed/surprised to be feeling those sort of dark feelings again after months of feeling fine about it all. I moved to a new spot also, so I’m no longer right in town with all my friends… Between that, feeling a bit depressed from a weekend of excess , and looking at her facebook like a dumb*ss, I guess it’s not that surprising. I’ll probably be back to normal in another day or two. Any thoughts ? PS. As much as I've always found facebook sh*tty, I'm not gonna delete it as it's integral to my work/art and communication with international associates... I won't be clicking on her again though. Too bad her privacy settings were so open.
Appleness Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Sorry Roger, The holidays are tough, huh? I went through a phase pre-Thanksgiving where I deactivated my account for about a month. It forced me to do other non-computer things. When that didn't work, I gave my password to a friend and she un-friended a bunch of our mutual friends. Trust me, if they are true friends, they will understand and you can always reach out to them years down the road. Right now, every status update that pops up is working against you. I chose short term pain with long term gain so that I could regain my sanity by Christmas. Sometimes NC is not enough. You have to do a vanishing act, not for them but for yourself. Hold yourself in higher regard and promise yourself that you'll be better and deserve someone better. It's new year coming. We need to leave your baggage behind. Keep posting and keep your head up! You can make it!
Renard99 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 With regards to Facebook, I know it's all about self restraint when it comes to your ex but the best way to avoid temptation is to block her. You can find the option to block someone in the privacy settings bit. I typed in my ex's name and it searched for her profile and then I just selected it and hit 'block'. Having blocked them, their profile doesn't show up, even if you search for them by name.... and, anything they post on mutual friend's walls is invisible to you (which can be actually quite funny at times. My ex posts on a mutual friend's wall occasionally and, being as it only shows me his responses it looks like he's having a conversation with himself )
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