Author ashamedhusband2012 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 Okay great. That all sounds perfect - just don't tell her how much you're glad she's back because she's not. You have to remember that. Also, you'll make her uncomfortable with comments like that. In addition, when you're by yourself, take about 10-15 minutes per day, doing mental imagery. First get very clear in your mind exactly what you want in this relationship. Do not tell her this. This is for you. Then, relax when you're alone and close your eyes and mentally picture this outcome. See and feel what it will feel like when you actually are in a mutually loving relationship and she wants to be with you. See you both laughing, holding hands on the beach, her eyes looking into yours with renewed love and respect and admiration for you! Vividly picture this during your mental imagery exercise. I learned this from this book called Pyschocybernetics and Also the book The Secret. Mental imagery and relaxation really work. But you have to act as if the outcome is already there! Know and feel that this is the reality. This will do 2 things: 1) You won't be uptight and anxious thereby causing you to do and say things that can and will pressure her 2) You'll be confident so you won't bend over backwards trying to do everything for her for the wrong reasons (i.e. so she won't leave you or so that she can see that you've changed) Your motives have to be because you want to change, not so that she sees that you've changed. I have lots of good stuff on mental imagery and manifesting the things you want. I'll check to see if we have a PM button on here. If so, I'll PM you and send you these things in PDF format. Okay? In the meantime keep focusing on you and do your visualizations morning and evening. so im on the right path anything else i can do? without seeming desperate , because im not and i want her to see that also like today she is working late i walk the dog morning and night, she feeds him and walks him after her job, but i will do that today since shes working late,, when she comes back she will realize i did it, i hope this makes her happy Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Who texted who? I missed something. BTW, nope. People don't talk anymore. For some reason I just read the original post and it sounds like all their communication for the past year was texting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shalisha42 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 so im on the right path anything else i can do? without seeming desperate , because im not and i want her to see that also like today she is working late i walk the dog morning and night, she feeds him and walks him after her job, but i will do that today since shes working late,, when she comes back she will realize i did it, i hope this makes her happy Again, stop doing things in order for her to notice. It's too obvious that the reason you are doing these things is so that she can "see" that you've changed and come back to you. That cannot be your motivation. I know you keep saying that you're doing this for you, but you're not. Your motivation is to get her back. That will only last but so long. As soon as she comes back, you will revert back to your old ways if your motivation isn't internally based. I don't think you're able to be honest with yourself about your motives behind doing all these things. Your last sentence, "...when she comes back she will realize i did it, i hope this makes her happy" The problem with that is, if she doesn't appreciate it or doesn't acknowledge it, (or something else you've done for her and she doesn't acknowledge it) you're going to feel angry and unappreciated and go into the victim mode saying, "She can't even see that I'm trying to put all this effort into changing...blah blah blah" But your motives are wrong. Stop going out of the way to do things for her. You don't need to make breakfast for her. Be pleasant, but don't invite her to watch a movie with you. Stop initiating things. Just relax smile, but respectful and polite. If she wants to watch a movie with you great, but don't offer or ask her if she wants to. Just leave her alone. Let her come to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashamedhusband2012 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 Again, stop doing things in order for her to notice. It's too obvious that the reason you are doing these things is so that she can "see" that you've changed and come back to you. That cannot be your motivation. I know you keep saying that you're doing this for you, but you're not. Your motivation is to get her back. That will only last but so long. As soon as she comes back, you will revert back to your old ways if your motivation isn't internally based. I don't think you're able to be honest with yourself about your motives behind doing all these things. Your last sentence, "...when she comes back she will realize i did it, i hope this makes her happy" The problem with that is, if she doesn't appreciate it or doesn't acknowledge it, (or something else you've done for her and she doesn't acknowledge it) you're going to feel angry and unappreciated and go into the victim mode saying, "She can't even see that I'm trying to put all this effort into changing...blah blah blah" But your motives are wrong. Stop going out of the way to do things for her. You don't need to make breakfast for her. Be pleasant, but don't invite her to watch a movie with you. Stop initiating things. Just relax smile, but respectful and polite. If she wants to watch a movie with you great, but don't offer or ask her if she wants to. Just leave her alone. Let her come to you. ok, im just helping her and if she doesnt appreciate it or acknowledge it, i dont get upset, i feel its my duty to do this things for myself and as a husband , and its not to get her back, all i meant by saying that i hope it makes her happy, is because i want her to be happy, and for her to feel that she can count on me without her asking, just doing things automatically, bringing out her bread is not making her breakfast, just a bit of help Link to post Share on other sites
shalisha42 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 ok, im just helping her and if she doesnt appreciate it or acknowledge it, i dont get upset, i feel its my duty to do this things for myself and as a husband , and its not to get her back, all i meant by saying that i hope it makes her happy, is because i want her to be happy, and for her to feel that she can count on me without her asking, just doing things automatically, bringing out her bread is not making her breakfast, just a bit of help Okay. Before you do anything, ask yourself what your motives are. Then you can decide what action to take. If you're not sure, just ask one of us. By the way, they don't have PM on here. Would you like me to give you my email address? It will be one of my email addresses I hardly use, so I'm not worried about spam. I would like to send you the PDFs I have on mental imagery and on remaking your self image. Okay? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashamedhusband2012 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 Okay. Before you do anything, ask yourself what your motives are. Then you can decide what action to take. If you're not sure, just ask one of us. By the way, they don't have PM on here. Would you like me to give you my email address? It will be one of my email addresses I hardly use, so I'm not worried about spam. I would like to send you the PDFs I have on mental imagery and on remaking your self image. Okay? thank you as for my motives i am sure what they are, im focused on becoming the man i want to be, one that cares for others, thats optimistic, motivated, has ambition, and happy in life you can email me at [email protected] thanks for your help so far, also just more ideas on how to act and what to do i will appreciate , thank you again Link to post Share on other sites
shalisha42 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 thank you as for my motives i am sure what they are, im focused on becoming the man i want to be, one that cares for others, thats optimistic, motivated, has ambition, and happy in life you can email me at [email protected] thanks for your help so far, also just more ideas on how to act and what to do i will appreciate , thank you again Hi. Thanks. I'll email you now. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Again with the texting! Don't people TALK anymore?? Guy - You bring up an excellent point!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts