thegreenbasterd Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 This is my first post, so prepare for me to sound like a noob, but I'm looking for how (and more importantly when) to follow up with a girl I went out with last night. Here's a general outline of how the date came to be: -Met online, got her number and we texted for a couple days before I grabbed on to something she said and asked to make a date of it -We went to dinner and then karaoke last night (went to two places that were totally empty before finding somewhere that was packed, so much so that after two and a half hours, neither of us got to sing). The important thing is that we gelled with conversation and what-not (although I'm not great at flirting, I feel I managed decently for me). -After the date (that had good chemistry but not necessarily physical chemistry), I walked her to her door after saying "we should do something like this again", and she was readily receptive of that idea. Then I gave her a goodnight kiss, which happened, but I don't think she was expecting it or necessarily open to a kiss on the first date. Then afterwards she said "that's all you're getting" almost defensively, which was a big tone change from the rest of the night where she was chill and all that. I then told her I'd text her which she was fine with. A couple things -- first of all, I don't drink. She does. There was a two drink minimum per person at the bar, and I asked her what she wanted -- she got alcohol, and I didn't, which I can understand if that made her uneasy. She had two drinks and I had none, but I never blatantly stated I don't drink, I just passed on them. I don't have any problem being around those that drink or anything, it's just not for me. So maybe she thought I was getting her drinks to try and sleep with her on the first date or something, I don't know, but whatever. Second of all, I'm assuming that she's still receptive to a second date, and there's the whole "when to contact her?" question that has some tricky scheduling gaps on my part. I plan on texting her at some point today (the day after) about something that happened on our date and just let her know I had a good time (although since I did that in person at the end of the first date, is that too much?), and I also want to set up a second date. Based on what I've read, I should wait 3-5 days after texting her to do that. That problem is I'll be halfway across the country at home for Christmas and won't be back until January 3rd, and I leave Saturday. Should I try and see if she wants to do something on Friday because I'm leaving? Or do I wait over 2 weeks before we can meet up again? Any advice on why you think the good night kiss went less ideally than planned and when to set up the second date with that schedule I have would be greatly appreciated! Thanks
Imajerk17 Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Call her tonight or tomorrow night. If she is happy to see you again then she will be happy to hear from you tonight. If she doesn't want to see you again then waiting 4 days to call her isn't going to make her come around. Just don't leave her a gushing message or blow her up with communication. THAT would blow it. Her "That's all your getting" was a faux-pas on HER end. She should be the one wondering if she turned you off. Maybe guys pushed too hard for sex too early on. 3
sweetkiwi Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 ^^^this Im a girl and this is spot on. Try and see her before you leave.
Author thegreenbasterd Posted December 19, 2012 Author Posted December 19, 2012 Thanks -- I'll give her a call tonight and try and set something up for Friday before I leave. My other question probably warrants its own thread altogether, but in a dating scene where alcohol is used as social lubricant AND with devious intentions, how do I carry myself as a non-drinker and still allow someone else to feel comfortable drinking around me, knowing that I won't take advantage of them early on (as in, I won't take advantage of it ever, but I want them to feel comfortable with me not drinking with them sooner than later)?
veggirl Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 IMO you should set up the 2nd date at the end of the 1st. Regardless don't wait 3-5 days, call the next day and ask. As far as the drinking thing, easily avoidable...go on dates where alcohol isn't served. I highly doubt she thought you were trying to get her drunk, you are def overthinking that. 2
Author thegreenbasterd Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 I called her about an hour after I knew she was off work and kept it pretty short, but just made a joke about our date last night, told her I'm leaving for a couple weeks on Saturday, and that we should see each other again before the world ends -- Friday night. She already had plans but had no problem offering me her Thursday, so we now have plans. Thanks to everyone who offered me advice! Made my move tonight a lot more confident.
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