How to mend this situation - me and my ex both feel like we got dumped by each other?

[valeriepm]

Over a month ago, me and my boyfriend got in an argument over spiritual beliefs. I was being very emotional and said I needed a break and left. My ex was devastated and told everyone I broke up with him. I tried to explain the situation to him the next day but he was too hurt and angry to listen. I'm sure his family and friends have also influenced him to move on because I supposedly left him. I desperately tried to fix things for the three weeks following, and he went through two cycles of I want you so much / ignoring me / giving me the breakup speech (all over the phone of course). He said he can't forget the things that were said, I'm not affectionate enough, he didn't want to get hurt again, and I leave to be alone when I get upset. He began ignoring me after the second "breakup speech." Last time I saw him in person (demanding a proper breakup), he was extremely upset - yelling, voice cracking, no eye contact. He called me crazy, said he didn't love me anymore, get out of my life, etc. I haven't talked to him since, over a week ago, hoping his anger will subside and realize how out of hand this situation became. Any advice? We're both 20 years old and dated for three years. Thank you.

[NavyAirTraffic]

He said he can't forget the things that were said, I'm not affectionate enough, he didn't want to get hurt again, and I leave to be alone when I get upset. He began ignoring me after the second "breakup speech."

 

he was extremely upset - yelling, voice cracking, no eye contact. He called me crazy, said he didn't love me anymore, get out of my life, etc.

 

You can't. He's not giving you any mixed messages. Whatever he's "really" mad about (don't think the fight is the only reason), seems like he really means it. Please don't chase someone who doesn't want you...

[valeriepm]

He did give me mixed signals for two weeks before the last breakup - he even said it was a misunderstood situation but was afraid of "looking like a fool" if he took me back. But, of course, the reasons got more elaborate as time went on. It's all just very abrupt - he only mentioned the affectionate thing to me once before (over a year ago) and it honestly slipped my mind after awhile. It was only five weeks ago when he introduced me to people as his fiancé. He never drifted from me or acted different at all.

 

I understand what you're saying, though, and I'm not chasing him anymore. I have been in nc for 11 days. Although, I am hoping he'll contact me and get his mind sorted out. If not, I have at least bettered myself in the time apart.

[NavyAirTraffic]

He did give me mixed signals for two weeks before the last breakup

 

Mixed signals BEFORE your second breakup, none since?? Why would you accept mixed signals from someone you are dating/engaged to? Do you want to be with someone who is only "so so" about you?

 

Good, don't chase and try not to think of him contacting you. I know it's not easy but you don't control that, and worrying about something you can't control will make you mad!