I don't feel in love with my husband anymore & im thinking about getting a divorce! A

[HollieW]

My husband and i got married July gone, We have known each other since we were teenagers, Him saying that he always loved me but i never gave him a chance and kept him in the friend zone. He is a business man and works very hard and is very well to do, he buys me everything but i feel like he thinks he has to buy my love. He tells me all the time that he loves me but he is always gone working, doing things for his business or traveling. Its like i never see him although he always asks me to travel with him but i don't as i don't enjoy the business trips, Its never bothered me before but no it irritates me. I love him but i don't feel im in love with him anymore, lately little things he does drives me crazy.

 

 

I've become distant from him and I feel like i don't fit in with his friends or his lifestyle. When at parties i get nervous and feel uncomfortable with those type of people which results in me becoming nervous and cant stop talking, & without really realizing, getting slightly drunk which my husband will get irritated about & tell me to stop drawing attention to myself and that im embarrassing him which results in arguments. My best friend said she thinks that because he wanted me for so long, now that he has me he feels he has nothing to worry about or work for. Now when we go to the parties i don't talk unless im talked to or just force a smile and play the perfect wife and he keeps telling me to be myself and that he loves me for who i am, the thing that bugs me is that he doesn't show it with his friends/associates, around them i feel im forced to be someone im not. Without any proper reason i've started to pretend im asleep when he comes to bed and when im alone im starting to cry more. A big part of me is thinking about leaving and getting a divorce, Im thinking alot about traveling around Europe alone to just 'find' myself and happiness again. Advice or opinions would be great.

[candyland123]

I have been where you are and today I am divorced, and regretting it. I wish I could have stopped the tape at the point your in now and changed our course. We became so set in our ways we worked against each other and allowed the hostility and anger to grow. Talk to him. Tell him exactly what you have said here. Don;t let him tell you "how you should feel" H always did that to me. I "shouldn't feel" like this, as though he could dictate my feelings. I would say go to couples counseling. You and him need to learn to share your feelings and be more open with each other. My H always said how much he loved me, but he never showed me with actions. He too worked all the time and never had time for me or the kids. he felt he showed love by providing money. But we need more. I wanted to know H would be there when I needed him, he never was. Today I am divorced and very sad at all I have lost.

 

Try talking.

[Mr. Lucky]

My husband and i got married July gone, We have known each other since we were teenagers, Him saying that he always loved me but i never gave him a chance and kept him in the friend zone.

What convinced you to move him from the friend to the spouse "zone" ?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Caldespair]

Hollie, don't do anything rash. You are probably young (20's?) and this stuff happens, u feel lt st, and want to split. Take a breath, find therapist, see if he will attend and work ths stuff through. Guys sometimes need to be told, what u need or don't want, clearly. I never REALLY listened to my w, but now, I'm learning what my partner needs. Good luck to u.

[Tiberius]

You are not even married 6 months and want out? You should just tell your husband what it is like and get that divorce.

[Leaf9]

What convinced you to move him from the friend to the spouse "zone" ?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I would like to know the answer to that as well.

 

This is going to sound harsh, but maybe you need to look at your part in all this. It sounds like he loves you and provides for you in the best way he knows how to. If you need something different you have to tell him. Have you ever told him that you want him to work less and that you would rather spend the with him than be wealthy? Have you offered to get a job (I'm guessing you don't already have one because he invites you on business trips, so you probably don't have to be at work) and help pay the expenses if he spends more time at home? Obviously he can't go to his boss and say "I'm going to work less and spend more time at home" and just fix everything. But maybe he could make different career decisions based on what you need in the marriage.

 

As a wife who works a lot and has a husband who stays home, I would be relieved if my husband came to me and said that he wants to spend more time with me and is willing to go to work to share the financial burden so that I can work less. I would absolutely take him up on that offer.

 

I'm just trying to say, don't throw your marriage away because of lack of communication. Then again, maybe you never felt strongly about him to begin with? Your only six months in and you should still be in the honeymoon stage.

 

One other suggestion, find something to do while he is out on his work trips. Don't just sit at home stewing over this.