Arguy Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 For perspective I am a third year college student, There is this lady that I recently started getting feelings for. What started off as just being very playful has now escalated, but several things have happened along the way that may have completely ruined any chance. She is part of my GROUP of friends (as in we are all always hanging out together, though she became included within our group 4-5 months ago). about 3 months ago one of my male best friends announced to us guys that he liked her. Now at this point I had already liked her too, but I had myself a good amount of options and I wasn't like I NEED TO HAVE HER kind of thing. Though I did mention to the group after he said it that I too had feelings for her (personal issue here, is that I am always too nice)---> essentially he was given the go ahead to pursue. Of course the group would push to get them together (aside from me) as in teasing them jokingly but in a way of course it was serious (Take note that only two people in the group knew that I too liked her). I gave him the go ahead to pursue, and i held my part but it soon became harder than i thought it would be. I had been cancelling many dates with other girls simply because i didn't like them enough, and its a hard thing seeing everyone try to get two people together when you wish you were the guy. fast forward to present times.. He would always be pushed away from her as she did not feel the same about him. He always said this throughout, that he would be ok if I tried for her, as she interacted better than me, but i was afraid that he really would not. However, I like her a lot, and would like to try for a shot at happiness with her, but i feel like she doesn't see me the same anymore, When we all started I could tell that I probably had a good chance. Now because my best friend was rejected and the idea that my group of friends would tease them in front of me, i could feel it is not exactly the same. As it probably should be, how could she think I like her when all this is going on. It's just that I don't know if I should tell her how I feel, because it could potentially cause a loss in my friendship with her, which i too value, as well as a possible disruption in my core group of friends. I have also thought about waiting mostly to give my male friend time, because i do not want to lose him as well, and figured by then maybe my feelings for her would be different, but I don't know what to do, and I hate losing sleep over it. Any analysis on the situation?
Author Arguy Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Essentially, assuming she does not like me, do you think it will mess with our friendship and my circle of friends?
Mrlonelyone Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I was in a somewhat similar situation once. It can be a little complicated can't it. The group wants to see a certain coupling happen...but the people they would like to see coupled really don't like eachother all that much. Then people within the group want to switch partners a little. Here's the deal realize the relationships at your age usually aren't that serious even when they feel serious. i.e. it's more like what older people regard as a FB or FWB... very casual. Compare to living together,with children, without any group or other social buffers. Just the two of you trying to pay the bills. So. Go for her. If she's more interested in you then great. Real friends will accept whatever makes you happy.
Author Arguy Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 That makes a lot of sense actually. Did you end up going for it? Thank you for the reply btw. I just wish that my "invisible wall" was stronger. I tried to distance myself but the heart (for a lack of a better word) wants what it wants. Now I just want whatever is going to happen to be over already.
MrCastle Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Do you want this girl as something more? Then go after her. I wouldn't come out and tell her exactly how you feel, as that would scare her off, but ease into it. Flirt with her and see how she responds. Ask her out just the two of you, see 1.) if she agrees and 2.) how she reacts on the date if she agrees. Then when the moment's right, you strike. You have to be willing to lose her. It's either she accepts your request to start dating, or she's done. Having her reject you and then keeping her in your circle and putting on a fake smile, watching her date other guys, etc will crush you on the inside, and your relationship will never be the same. So before you ask her, be willing to accept no as her answer and walk. Finally, the next time this happens, man up and go after it. Don't step aside and make it easy for other men to go after it, speak up and say "I don't think you should go after her because I like her", and if he doesn't back down, then may the best man win. Don't hand her off on a silver platter if you really like her. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) Essentially, assuming she does not like me, do you think it will mess with our friendship and my circle of friends? Assuming it does have the possibility to mess up the friendship you have to weigh out what is more important to you///i actually face palm myself when i read posts like this...i am the biggest chicken out i have had disappointment and rejection in my life a lot i am scared of failure and failing others i am mentally ill suffer from depression....have a tribe of kids...extensive history...every and any no go zone you can think of, i have in my life...as a dating prospect i am not atypical and i know it.... in saying that if i like someone i can be about to pass out, scared as crap and i let them know.......even though I know rejection and disappointment can trigger some unpleasantness and i go a bit loopy in my life for a while...i still do it...because i feel you shouldnt let things slide or not tell people how you feel about them...if you have strong feelings for someone there is a reason why you do, to let it go is really tragedy and you will never know how far it might have gone...it could be seven degrees of sunshine in your life that you need ....i dont think upsetting a group dynamic should come into it, when you like someone and care about them.....my family is a group and even though i would like them to like who i choose to date...it isnt what makes me choose someone i choose who i am attracted too...an dmost of th etime they kno wwho i am attracted to ....i am bambi if i like someone.....eyes get bigger....lol...like puss in boots..i am also a kick boxing bambi...so dont get smart and think i am soft...;0) my friends and family dont have to date them but i do...you do what is in your heart...if you lose you lose, go loopy for a while and do what you have to do to get over it....dont not tell someone how you feel, because you are afraid of upsetting others....it is your heart, her heart ....not theirs....good luck....face palm..do it.smilin....do your best for only that will do in the long run..go you kamikaze you..if your friends are friends they will want to see happiness from you and from her...so be happy do what you desire to do......deb Edited December 20, 2012 by todreaminblue
Recommended Posts