tom22 Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Hi Everyone, So, I'm going out for a first date with this girl on saturday (we have met online) and I am really starting to panick - not because of the date itself -but if I end up liking her and she doesn't like me back. I've had this problem once before.... met a girl online, we met up, had a great day together... and then she went completely cold on me, and to be honest, it really upset me. The mistake I had made with her, I think, was talking to her over email for too long before we met and kinda "emotionally investing" (so I've heard it put!) in her. So, I have tried my hardest since not to get too involved before even meeting. But, I think I have made the same mistake again, only this time its different. With the first girl, we simply emailed each other daily. But this time, I speak to this girl on the phone nearly every night. We literally get on so well. I first contacted her on an OLD site 2 weeks ago, and after 3 days we first spoke on the phone, and have spoken on the phone more or less every day since, and each phonecall usually lasts for at least an hour. She even called me after a night out on saturday at 2 am and we spoke until about 4am! Obviously theres no way me or anyone can predict if we will get on in person, but is there a good chance we will? seeing as we get on so well on the phone? I really am dreading liking her and her not liking me back. I know I haven't really asked a question, but any advice anyone can give me about trying not to let any rejection upset me would be very much appreciated. Thanks
Ami1uwant Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 your mistake..... you talked to much before the face to face meeting that you have gone over all the small talk stuff. conversation is a big driver in dating success. The rules you really need to follow. 1. Do a few short emails...should be a couple of days 2. ask for number 3. talk on the phone for a bit then at the end ask about meeting up on a date. set the date and time then 4. do not talk to her until your date other than logictical stuff or time change.
rocketman122 Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 calm down. youre overthinking everything. when you meet her, just whip out your cokk and tell her youre tom, then point to your cokk and say this is dick and hairy, uh harry. you'll break the ice and all will be good. stop being a puwssy. even if you dont have confidence, act like you have some.
Author tom22 Posted December 19, 2012 Author Posted December 19, 2012 your mistake..... you talked to much before the face to face meeting that you have gone over all the small talk stuff. conversation is a big driver in dating success. The rules you really need to follow. 1. Do a few short emails...should be a couple of days 2. ask for number 3. talk on the phone for a bit then at the end ask about meeting up on a date. set the date and time then 4. do not talk to her until your date other than logictical stuff or time change. Thank you for the reply... I can understand about going over the small talk, but surely going into the date with a good dialogue in progress is just as good? like, the next stage from small talk? I already know I have things in common with her and am confident of having plenty to talk about. more often than not, she has called me for a chat, or, if she knows I'm out, she has said if I'm not back to late then give her a call for a chat. If my rule is to not talk to her much before meeting face to face then its going to sound pretty rude to just be blunt and not say much. If it wasn't for the fact that we both work full time jobs and are about an hour an a half drive apart we probably would have met by now. Please don't take that as dimissing your advice, I am just explaining my way of thinking... but perhaps that is whats wrong? (by the way, I forgot to mention in the first post, we are both 22 )
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Hi Tom! You've done nothing wrong. In fact given the timeline and what you've done so far, I'd say you've given yourself the best shot at success! Very few guys call. So you really stand out, generally in a very favorable way, when you do this. You're also meeting fairly quickly, which is a good thing. When I did OLD, I always had at least one lengthy conversation prior to meeting, and with a number, I spoke on the phone with them at length every night before we met. Here's the thing. If you have a phone conversation that's flat, you aren't going to connect in person. But just because you do connect really well on the phone, isn't a guarantee that you will in person too. When you meet, you'll essentially be deciding whether this person is a great friend or whether there's enough of an attraction to be BF/GF. You can't predict that piece. IME, guys who made the effort to get to know me and have a connection did themselves a huge favor. All the guys who I ended up seeing for a while took the approach that you did. Those who took the texting route or just did a brief call and then disappeared until our date, didn't get past that initial date. Understand though, that there were many guys with whom I had great phone conversations where the spark was missing in person. Chemistry and attraction are elusive things. Be cautiously optimistic! Most first dates don't go anywhere. That's just the way things go. Things will either work out or they won't. If they don't, just try again. It gets easier and less stressful each time. I hope you date goes very well. I hope you both really like each other. Then you can get nervous about a second date! Good luck!
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 ... already know I have things in common with her and am confident of having plenty to talk about. more often than not, she has called me for a chat, or, if she knows I'm out, she has said if I'm not back to late then give her a call for a chat. If my rule is to not talk to her much before meeting face to face then its going to sound pretty rude to just be blunt and not say much. You're right. If I asked you to call me and you ignored me, or if I had called and you never called me, or you cut things short when we spoke, I'd assume you weren't interested and/or were playing games. "Rules" cause more problems than they solve generally.
Ami1uwant Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 From my experience you ahve talked too much already. Thus your date needs to be an activity related date...not just a lunch/dinner kind... you have likely talked about many of the topics typical for a first date so doing an activity, or go to a museum, or just people watch while xams shopping will stimulate conversation that otherwise likely will be done. The problem you run into is your conversations are at date 3 level but you havent met yet which screws up the date.
Author tom22 Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Hi Tom! You've done nothing wrong. In fact given the timeline and what you've done so far, I'd say you've given yourself the best shot at success! Very few guys call. So you really stand out, generally in a very favorable way, when you do this. You're also meeting fairly quickly, which is a good thing. When I did OLD, I always had at least one lengthy conversation prior to meeting, and with a number, I spoke on the phone with them at length every night before we met. Here's the thing. If you have a phone conversation that's flat, you aren't going to connect in person. But just because you do connect really well on the phone, isn't a guarantee that you will in person too. When you meet, you'll essentially be deciding whether this person is a great friend or whether there's enough of an attraction to be BF/GF. You can't predict that piece. IME, guys who made the effort to get to know me and have a connection did themselves a huge favor. All the guys who I ended up seeing for a while took the approach that you did. Those who took the texting route or just did a brief call and then disappeared until our date, didn't get past that initial date. Understand though, that there were many guys with whom I had great phone conversations where the spark was missing in person. Chemistry and attraction are elusive things. Be cautiously optimistic! Most first dates don't go anywhere. That's just the way things go. Things will either work out or they won't. If they don't, just try again. It gets easier and less stressful each time. I hope you date goes very well. I hope you both really like each other. Then you can get nervous about a second date! Good luck! Thank you so much... I actually get really, really nervous meeting someone new, so a phone call I think can at least help with that too (although even calling somone new on the phone can be a little nerve racking too!). but thank you for your good luck wishes... I'll report back on how it goes
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 It's completely normal to get nervous. She'll be a little nervous too. Having spoken beforehand helps a little with that. Plus conversation flows more easily because you already have some commonalities and connection. I'm sure you'll do fine. Best!
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