Just smile Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 For once in this toxic relationship I was the one who ended it after he abruptly took off for four days. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend and she told me he contacted her fiancé to tell him, we. Broke up and he said he can't take it anymore.that THIS time he is really done. He also left out the important reasons why I gave him such a hard time. Although rationally he was/ is up to no good. And playing with me emotionally. I can't help but miss him terribly and wonder why he felt the need to tell these people our business. I guess there is some finality to this that scares me. We haven't spoke since Friday morning. And my aches, when I lay down to sleep I have chest pains. I know sounds dramatic, but I'm hurting BAD. How can he not want to contact me, make it better, explain why he told me he needed space, explain why he jumped a plane to Florida without warning, all before Christmas. My holidays are ruined. I can't concentrate ....please give me some words of wisdom I so need to hear them now.
KJBA2816 Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 you sound like me, we broke up 4 weeks ago and I could not get my head around it and felt like the lowest EVER! but one day I woke up and just stopped caring, it still hurts at times but i genuinely do not care for him anymore, in fact i hate him for what he has done to my life. you need to speak to him and see is it over for good (which by the sounds of things you should leave) and if it is go, leave him, go no contact because it does help i promise, good luck.
Author Just smile Posted December 19, 2012 Author Posted December 19, 2012 This is a pattern with him. He is borderline narc with major commitment issues, he pulls away and needs space from time to time and it drives me nuts which ultimately leads to blow outs. Most recently though he just up and left .. It's been days now with no contact I've done nothing wrong and he still has yet to contact me, and it's Christmas time. All I do is cry. Piercing pain. I assume. If he cared or truly loved me NOTHING would keep him away. Only time will tell,
Lonely Ronin Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 I can't help but miss him terribly and wonder why he felt the need to tell these people our business. I guess there is some finality to this that scares me. Telling the public makes it a lot more significant and final. Now that people know, he can't back out of it nearly as easily. I'm sorry to say this could be very final.
geegirl Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 This is a pattern with him. He is borderline narc with major commitment issues, he pulls away and needs space from time to time and it drives me nuts which ultimately leads to blow outs. Most recently though he just up and left .. It's been days now with no contact I've done nothing wrong and he still has yet to contact me, and it's Christmas time. All I do is cry. Piercing pain. I assume. If he cared or truly loved me NOTHING would keep him away. Only time will tell, If he's a borderline narc with major commitment issues, why are you setting high expectations that you know someone like him cannot fulfill? "It's been days now with no contact I've done nothing wrong and he still has yet to contact me." Even if he contacts you, he still is who he is. The pattern will prevail. What you should be asking yourself is why you would want to continue this cycle, but not why isn't he contacting you.
Chi townD Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 For once in this toxic relationship I was the one who ended it after he abruptly took off for four days. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend and she told me he contacted her fiancé to tell him, we. Broke up and he said he can't take it anymore.that THIS time he is really done. He also left out the important reasons why I gave him such a hard time. Although rationally he was/ is up to no good. And playing with me emotionally. I can't help but miss him terribly and wonder why he felt the need to tell these people our business. I guess there is some finality to this that scares me. We haven't spoke since Friday morning. And my aches, when I lay down to sleep I have chest pains. I know sounds dramatic, but I'm hurting BAD. How can he not want to contact me, make it better, explain why he told me he needed space, explain why he jumped a plane to Florida without warning, all before Christmas. My holidays are ruined. I can't concentrate ....please give me some words of wisdom I so need to hear them now. Okay, well.....you ended it. You made a choice to have him out of your life and you admitted it yourself that you are in a toxic relationship. I know it doesn't make it easier, but perhaps it's for the best. If he's done, then he's done. There's really not much you can do about that. You just need to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move forward.
flitzanu Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 For once in this toxic relationship I was the one who ended it after he abruptly took off for four days. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend and she told me he contacted her fiancé to tell him, we. Broke up and he said he can't take it anymore.that THIS time he is really done. He also left out the important reasons why I gave him such a hard time. Although rationally he was/ is up to no good. And playing with me emotionally. I can't help but miss him terribly and wonder why he felt the need to tell these people our business. I guess there is some finality to this that scares me. We haven't spoke since Friday morning. And my aches, when I lay down to sleep I have chest pains. I know sounds dramatic, but I'm hurting BAD. How can he not want to contact me, make it better, explain why he told me he needed space, explain why he jumped a plane to Florida without warning, all before Christmas. My holidays are ruined. I can't concentrate ....please give me some words of wisdom I so need to hear them now. you broke up with him, why is he supposed to jump through hoops to make things right when you ended it? are you wanting him to beg you to take him back because you dumped him? 2
Author Just smile Posted December 19, 2012 Author Posted December 19, 2012 I guess so as I only half hearted meant it crazy as it sounds I was being ignored and avoided for the week prior to this blowout and my response to his sudden trip sparked a huge arguement. This happened two months ago with him being the dumper and eventually he did come crawling back . It is toxic and it may be the best but I still love him and feel like I'm addicted to a drug .
flitzanu Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 I guess so as I only half hearted meant it crazy as it sounds I was being ignored and avoided for the week prior to this blowout and my response to his sudden trip sparked a huge arguement. This happened two months ago with him being the dumper and eventually he did come crawling back . It is toxic and it may be the best but I still love him and feel like I'm addicted to a drug . sounds like he called you on your bluff and now you're regretting it. shouldn't play with words like that because it's childish. as for the issue, saying it's toxic, and the fact you even half heartedly wanted to break up should tell you something...that maybe you DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE RELATIONSHIP. toxicity and feeling addicted while he's off not caring at all about you should tell you that it's a good time to find something better. 1
Samilia Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 (edited) For once in this toxic relationship I was the one who ended it after he abruptly took off for four days. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend and she told me he contacted her fiancé to tell him, we. Broke up and he said he can't take it anymore.that THIS time he is really done. He also left out the important reasons why I gave him such a hard time. Although rationally he was/ is up to no good. And playing with me emotionally. I can't help but miss him terribly and wonder why he felt the need to tell these people our business. I guess there is some finality to this that scares me. We haven't spoke since Friday morning. And my aches, when I lay down to sleep I have chest pains. I know sounds dramatic, but I'm hurting BAD. How can he not want to contact me, make it better, explain why he told me he needed space, explain why he jumped a plane to Florida without warning, all before Christmas. My holidays are ruined. I can't concentrate ....please give me some words of wisdom I so need to hear them now. Probably told them so he'd remain the good guy. Or he knew the message would get passed on. You're telling us the relationship was toxic so I wouldn't get chest pain over it, if anything work on understanding why you stayed in the relationship. If you keep repeating the same patterns it's going to become the story of your life, and you know it's not going to be an nice one. What I would do is gather all his belongings and give them back to him. I would also pick up anything that reminds me of the guy and throw them away. Or put them away in a box; Then, when Im ready, I'd throw the box away. Edited December 19, 2012 by Samilia 1
Author Just smile Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Thank you all for responding. Interesting response in saying maybe I did want to end it.. I have wanted the madness to end, but ALWAYS every time he would draw me back in, crying and full of promises. I always caved,because of the intense connection and love. But being he is a commitment phobe every single time we get close and things become easy, he ****s all over it. And pulls a stunt , like ignoring me, or pushing me away, etc, this last time, I couldn't take it. Wen he told me the night before he was taking off to florida and would be incommunicado I was floored, and frankly my intuition went off. I've been crying for days your responses are very welcoming, I need it,
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