ItsTricky Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Background: May2004-Oct2011 relationship. Jan 2011 she left for another country (start of LDR) to study (possibly up to 2yrs at this time). July-Aug 2011 i visit her for a couple of weeks. We talk about getting married again and our future. She plans to visit me in November. Oct 2011 i break up with her on skype. She's devastated and it hurts like hell doing it. Nov 2011 we meet for closure I tell her i feel like she's been gone for a long time and have stopped missing her. She tells me that she was gutted that I untagged (most) of our pictures together. She thinks we're going through a rough patch but wants to work it out. Maybe close the distance instead of a LDR. I feel guilty as hell and tell her i dont love her (i dont want her to hope). Nov 2011 I email her a happy bday and tell her i'm sorry for everything. Dec 2011 she finds out i'm dating someone else and calls/emails my parents (they're close) almost freaking out. Dec 2011 she blocks me and the new girl i'm dating on facebook. Dec 2011 i limit her profile view of my facebook page. No tagged pictures/statuses etc. Jan 2012 she replies to my email saying thanks, apologizing for it being late and removing facebook accessibility. She also said "Maybe we can be facebook friends again someday whenever ur cool with it." April 2012 she comes back to catch up with my parents. Mum tells me she cried when she asked how I was doing. June 2012 she emails me a happy bday via email 1 week late (10 words). i reply and ask her how she's been. she doesnt reply. June 2012 i add her on facebook (took this long coz new girl didnt want me to). Cant see her tagged pics though. Can see most albums. Nov 2012 i break up with the new girl (too much fighting for me). There wasnt a single day i didnt think about my ex of 7yrs after the breakup. Me & the new girl fight at least once a month complete opposite of me & the girl of 7yrs. Now i can't help but feel that i made a HUGE mistake. i started feeling this at least once a month starting Jan 2012 but felt going back & forth was wrong. Now i really miss my ex of 7yrs and realize i took her for granted big time. Dec 6, 2012 i post a youtube vid of a song that she knew i loved listening to her sing to filtered it for her only Dec 11, 2012 i get an email from her asking how i've been and asking why i posted that video and filtered it just for her 2 days later i'm blocked from pretty much every album. profile pics. mobile uploads. status updates. she puts up a nice cover photo. changes her profile pic to one of her on the beach having a 'jump shot'. when i click on her pictures i see only 6 pics from 2012. i still see 4 pics of us together as a couple in 2011 from my July/Aug 2011 visit. Previously tagged 2010 pics (i'm in about 80%) of them. some 2009 pics from her bday party. but i can no longer view those albums. just wondering if anyone could take a shot at what this means. the email and then limiting my view of her profile. i still haven't replied to her email and want to get some opinions before i do. would be a great help. thanks!
WhatYouWantToHear Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 It means you need to stop indirectly communicating with each other so passively aggressively. I remember once when people use to actually talk to each other directly and not just imply and infer communication from facebook actions. Contact her directly. And by directly I don't just mean talking to her trying to glean information about what she wants by asking veiled questions. Ask direct questions related to the issue. 2
Author ItsTricky Posted December 22, 2012 Author Posted December 22, 2012 (makes me sick to my stomach but i'll say it): Before we broke up i behaved inappropriately with another girl for a month (holding hands, cuddling, gave her a kiss on the lips). This happened 2 weeks before the official breakup in Oct 2011. I never told my then girlfriend of 7yrs about it. i would eventually the new girl for a year as mentioned in my original post. Now that i've said that what should i say in my email? I was thinking in my email i will ask her if she has well and truly moved on whilst admitting that I haven't. if she replies and tells me she has moved on then i will take her word for it and try to accept it despite the pain. if she doesnt say anything explicitly i will tell her that i wasn't completely honest with her when we broke up. any thoughts? thanks!
ryanmatthews58 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 I believe the best thing to do right now is give her space. Even though it sounds very counterproductive, but trust me it's very important. For a week or so have no contact with her. While you're giving her space it's time for you to do some internal work. You need to figure out if you two are right for each other and if you really want to get back with her. Also, you can figure out what to write in your email in this time. If you think you two are right for each other you need to begin the process of mending the relationship. You do that by first accepting yourself and what has happened in the past. You need to be confident in yourself and your actions. Once you do this it's time to meet with her in a mature and responsible manner. When I broke up with my ex last summer (we worked it out) I found an article to help a ton. http://www.winningyourgirlfriendback.com/article/ It really puts things into perspective and got me to calm down and take it slow which is real important during emotional situations like this. I hope it helps.
movingon12 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 So if I'm right: You broke up in November 2011 She sent you 1 short, late birthday email 6 months ago - but nothing else. You sent her a video so she asks you why, then blocks your access to most things (and virtually everything recent) on her fb. You remind me of my ex. My guess: she's over you and she's not sure why you're still contacting her a year after you broke up. I don't think sending her an email is going to achieve anything. If she went to the effort of blocking you on facebook, I doubt she'll reply - she didn't reply to you in June. Or, you'll end up doing what happens with me and my ex - he contacts me, I try to be polite for a few emails then get pissed off with him and stop replying.
Jono85 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 There wasnt a single day i didnt think about my ex of 7yrs after the breakup. Me & the new girl fight at least once a month complete opposite of me & the girl of 7yrs. Now i can't help but feel that i made a HUGE mistake. i started feeling this at least once a month starting Jan 2012 but felt going back & forth was wrong. i'm sorry but to me this is just BS. u basically had one foot out the door for a month prior to you breaking up with her. not only that u told her you didn't miss her anymore and don't love her. you then proceeded to date the girl you cheated on her with for an entire year. not an entire month or something. a year. yet you were thinking about her the entire time?? she deserves a lot better than you, and hopefully she doesn't buy this whole plea and realizes you're just lonely and wanting something easy/familiar. 1
Author ItsTricky Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 ryanmatthews58: i think we've given each other heaps of space, maybe too much in hindsight.... 1 year since the breakup and 12 days since she emailed me while i'm still figuring out what to write. thanks for the link tho i will def read it. as far as being right for each other, the long distance thing was our biggest problem. i guess it would still be a problem until now. movingon12: Thank you for your response. Just to clarify, i didnt send her a video directly like via email or anything. It was posted on my wall and she was the only one who would be able to see it. then she emailed me asking about it 5 days later. She could have just ignored it if she wanted to right? movingon12, do u mind me asking how old u were when you and ur ex became a couple then got married then inevitably split? just wondering if i'm doomed to be like him. Jono85: thank you for being straight up. i def needed it. what i meant to say about thinking about her the whole time was wondering if i made the right decision. but you're right. i chickened out on commitment. are we supposed to say that we miss someone and love them when we break up with them? sounds like a contradiction tho. I said those things because i didnt want to string her along. I will take a long hard think about what you said "..you're just lonely and wanting something easy/familiar" ..i agree about wanting her because she's familiar but it would be anything but easy. i used to think all girls would be more or less the same (like her) which i know now as a really messed up notion. unfortunately i believed it. i've only been with 3 girls in my life 10yrs total worth of relationships. i'm 29yo. i feel like i'm not going to find someone like her again who would love me as much as she did. i was her first bf, we were best friends, we pretty much grew up together...so i just fold and give up on her like i did before? or by giving up i'm choosing her happiness over my own for a change? thanks!
Author ItsTricky Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 where can i go to get help (like a link or something to read and what not) because i still can't believe, accept and forgive myself for screwing up the best thing that's happened in my life
betterdeal Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I think you're focusing on your ex because of the difficulties you're having with your present girlfriend, and it'd be better for you in general to address those problems than create some more. Why do you guys fight so much, what's it over?
movingon12 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 movingon12: Thank you for your response. Just to clarify, i didnt send her a video directly like via email or anything. It was posted on my wall and she was the only one who would be able to see it. then she emailed me asking about it 5 days later. She could have just ignored it if she wanted to right? movingon12, do u mind me asking how old u were when you and ur ex became a couple then got married then inevitably split? just wondering if i'm doomed to be like him. I understand it wasn't sent directly to her - but it was designed to be seen by only her, or at least that is her interpretation. You're right she could have ignored it - but honestly, given that it had been a more than a year since you split, I'm sure she was genuinely curious why you've suddenly apparently reached out to her. I'm always curious to know why my ex is still contacting me years after we split. My ex and I started dating when I was 23 (he 24), we married when I was 28, split when I was 30.
Jono85 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Jono85: thank you for being straight up. i def needed it. what i meant to say about thinking about her the whole time was wondering if i made the right decision. but you're right. i chickened out on commitment. are we supposed to say that we miss someone and love them when we break up with them? sounds like a contradiction tho. I said those things because i didnt want to string her along. I will take a long hard think about what you said "..you're just lonely and wanting something easy/familiar" ..i agree about wanting her because she's familiar but it would be anything but easy. i used to think all girls would be more or less the same (like her) which i know now as a really messed up notion. unfortunately i believed it. i've only been with 3 girls in my life 10yrs total worth of relationships. i'm 29yo. i feel like i'm not going to find someone like her again who would love me as much as she did. i was her first bf, we were best friends, we pretty much grew up together...so i just fold and give up on her like i did before? or by giving up i'm choosing her happiness over my own for a change? thanks! i think you should take some time for once to yourself. be single for a few months (like 5 or 6). maybe try to be her friend slowly. but right now you're most likely hurt from your last relationship failing, and lonely for the holidays, so sure it'd be nice to reconnect with your ex. but just realize that she was probably crushed for a while (still might be who knows) and has gone through great progress to get over you. think back to WHY you lost the love for her last year, and WHY you stopped missing her. my guess is, it wasn't just the long distance. i've been in a long distance relationship, and when you're in love, it just makes you miss the person more. maybe the new girl that came along was more attractive to you? maybe she had qualities you weren't keen on with your ex? just try to figure out why you were willing to throw away a 7 year relationship. ppl don't just do that if they're not sure.
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