SureYeahWhyNot Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Well, I feel kind of pathetic that it's gotten to the point where I need to come to a forum to ask about this, but there isn't anybody I know that I would want to ask about it, so here goes. I have my flaws. I can be socially awkward, I'm not the best conversationalist with new people, and I have trouble being the one to initiate with women. But despite all of this, I've been involved with five women at this point in my life (I'm 21). But I've never had sex with any of them, and here's why. I have severe scoliosis, and it is noticable. Every time I had the chance to have sex I was too worried about how they might have reacted once I pulled the shirt off. Only one girl has ever seen me with my shirt off before and she didn't care. She was a really sweet person, but I didn't feel like we were compatible and I knew that she wanted more than just sex, especially since she was a virgin, so I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Well, it's been about two years now since I've been involved with anyone (I use the word "involved" because I only officially dated 2 of the 5 girls, the others we just liked each other for a time and/or fooled around). I guess I just stopped trying to meet women, and I think maybe I subconsciously sabatoge every chance I get because I'm afraid of what I will ultimately have to reveal. Not only this, but I feel like I'm trapped in a vicious cycle where I'm worried about revealing this to women, but the longer I take to have sex the worse it seems that I'm still a virgin, so that's part of the problem too. Am I making a bigger deal of this than it should be, or am I worrying about it just enough? How could I reveal it to the next person? I mean, I feel like the scoliosis thing could already be a big deal, but then I have to reveal that I have never had sex as well? Seems overwhelming to me. I don't know what the right time would be to tell a girl about these things. Any advice or suggestions would be great. And please don't give any advice about getting my scoliosis fixed, it's not a solution that will come any time soon. I'm doing what I can with it.
Badsingularity Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Am I making a bigger deal of this than it should be Yes you probably are. You would probably be suprised by what many women are willing to overlook when they realy like a guy. The best thing you can do is to try to stop worrying about it and work on your self and social confidence. Try to be confident in who you are. Women find it very attractive when a guy is confident in who he is.
KungFuJoe Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Your post makes no sense. Your problem is scoliosis but don't talk about fixing scoliosis? That's like saying your problem is bad breath but don't talk about fixing it. Ridiculous. Fix your scoliosis. Obviously if your curvature isn't bad enough to keep women from dating you, it's something you can make better. You might not be able to fix it, but you can improve it with physical therapy. For the record, I have scoliosis. Bad enough to where I almost needed surgery when I was a kid. I got lucky and grew out of it, but you can still tell if you look carefully. But no one would know unless I told them. Never been an issue with women for me.
Author SureYeahWhyNot Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Your post makes no sense. Your problem is scoliosis but don't talk about fixing scoliosis? That's like saying your problem is bad breath but don't talk about fixing it. Ridiculous. Fix your scoliosis. Obviously if your curvature isn't bad enough to keep women from dating you, it's something you can make better. You might not be able to fix it, but you can improve it with physical therapy. For the record, I have scoliosis. Bad enough to where I almost needed surgery when I was a kid. I got lucky and grew out of it, but you can still tell if you look carefully. But no one would know unless I told them. Never been an issue with women for me. What did I say at the very end? "I'm doing what I can with it." Meaning, I am trying to fix it, and I don't want advice on that, I want advice on how to deal with it when it comes to women because fixing my scoliosis is a long term solution that I can't wait for.
Author SureYeahWhyNot Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 I'm 21. It's quite a curve. It's not so bad that I look handicapped or anything, but when I take my shirt off it's definitely clear that I have scoliosis.
Tara247 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I'm 21. It's quite a curve. It's not so bad that I look handicapped or anything, but when I take my shirt off it's definitely clear that I have scoliosis. When do your doctors said that you will see significant improvement? You need to find a girl that doesn't care about the scoliosis and can understand that it's a medical problem and you are undergoing treatment for it. P.S. also you can always have sex with a girl in a room that is dimly lit until you get the problem under control, but I'd rather you find a girl that is understanding and accepting. No one's perfect.
Author SureYeahWhyNot Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 When do your doctors said that you will see significant improvement? You need to find a girl that doesn't care about the scoliosis and can understand that it's a medical problem and you are undergoing treatment for it. P.S. also you can always have sex with a girl in a room that is dimly lit until you get the problem under control, but I'd rather you find a girl that is understanding and accepting. No one's perfect. Well that's the problem with seeing the improvement of my scoliosis as a solution, because it's never going to improve *snap* just like that. It's going to be a very slow process. It's getting better but it'll take a lot of time. What I'm confused about is how I'm going to deal with it when I'm meeting a girl, because unless I just give up girls altogether it's going to have to happen. I don't know if it should be something I mention early on when we're getting to know each other, or if I should just pretend it doesn't exist even after the clothes come off, or what? I'm really quite clueless about how I should handle this.
FitChick Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Tell them you are having physical therapy but it can take years to fix. I thought I read about a specific type of yoga being helpful. You could google for info. In the meantime, why not weight train to make the rest of your body look better? Women like muscular arms and shoulders or a cute, toned butt.
Author SureYeahWhyNot Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Oh believe me, I would if I could, but I'm not supposed to lift any weights, it could make it worse. Pretty much the only things I can do are walk and swim for exercise. And I play paintball so that is a good workout, but it's not something I can do all of the time. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Well, I feel kind of pathetic that it's gotten to the point where I need to come to a forum to ask about this, but there isn't anybody I know that I would want to ask about it, so here goes. I have my flaws. I can be socially awkward, I'm not the best conversationalist with new people, and I have trouble being the one to initiate with women. But despite all of this, I've been involved with five women at this point in my life (I'm 21). But I've never had sex with any of them, and here's why. I have severe scoliosis, and it is noticable. Every time I had the chance to have sex I was too worried about how they might have reacted once I pulled the shirt off. Only one girl has ever seen me with my shirt off before and she didn't care. She was a really sweet person, but I didn't feel like we were compatible and I knew that she wanted more than just sex, especially since she was a virgin, so I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Well, it's been about two years now since I've been involved with anyone (I use the word "involved" because I only officially dated 2 of the 5 girls, the others we just liked each other for a time and/or fooled around). I guess I just stopped trying to meet women, and I think maybe I subconsciously sabatoge every chance I get because I'm afraid of what I will ultimately have to reveal. Not only this, but I feel like I'm trapped in a vicious cycle where I'm worried about revealing this to women, but the longer I take to have sex the worse it seems that I'm still a virgin, so that's part of the problem too. Am I making a bigger deal of this than it should be, or am I worrying about it just enough? How could I reveal it to the next person? I mean, I feel like the scoliosis thing could already be a big deal, but then I have to reveal that I have never had sex as well? Seems overwhelming to me. I don't know what the right time would be to tell a girl about these things. Any advice or suggestions would be great. And please don't give any advice about getting my scoliosis fixed, it's not a solution that will come any time soon. I'm doing what I can with it. i hadnt heard of scoliosis, i was thinking like flaky skin....like cirrosis and then i read curvature of the spine......my daughters boyfriend has this....just asked him then if that is what he has, and he said yes so.....i think you are over reacting ..my daughters fiancee was however older when he met my daughter ..hadnt dated much either....so what i am saying is you will find someone when the time is right...some girls would mind maybe then some girls mind if you have a small penis or your big toe is smaller than your other toes...who knows..people can be fickle.....i have taught my girls not to look at the man but the heart of the man and how he lives his life......i hope they all find love....and beauty is always in the eye of the beholder..you will find who you are looking for.........best wishes.deb
Author SureYeahWhyNot Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 i hadnt heard of scoliosis, i was thinking like flaky skin....like cirrosis and then i read curvature of the spine......my daughters boyfriend has this....just asked him then if that is what he has, and he said yes so.....i think you are over reacting ..my daughters fiancee was however older when he met my daughter ..hadnt dated much either....so what i am saying is you will find someone when the time is right...some girls would mind maybe then some girls mind if you have a small penis or your big toe is smaller than your other toes...who knows..people can be fickle.....i have taught my girls not to look at the man but the heart of the man and how he lives his life......i hope they all find love....and beauty is always in the eye of the beholder..you will find who you are looking for.........best wishes.deb Thanks for the kind words. 1
Tara247 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Well that's the problem with seeing the improvement of my scoliosis as a solution, because it's never going to improve *snap* just like that. It's going to be a very slow process. It's getting better but it'll take a lot of time. What I'm confused about is how I'm going to deal with it when I'm meeting a girl, because unless I just give up girls altogether it's going to have to happen. I don't know if it should be something I mention early on when we're getting to know each other, or if I should just pretend it doesn't exist even after the clothes come off, or what? I'm really quite clueless about how I should handle this. It's not something you need to bring up on the first date. When you have a few dates with the girl you like under your belt, then you should be familiar enough with her to talk about it. It will be fixed eventually. It's not a lifelong thing, and you can even have sex in a cotton t-shirt if you want. If it's at night, you can keep the lights low or off. If a girl can't accept you with your back problem, you don't need her. 2
Author SureYeahWhyNot Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 It's not something you need to bring up on the first date. When you have a few dates with the girl you like under your belt, then you should be familiar enough with her to talk about it. See, this is the kind of answer I was looking for. Nobody was answering my actual question, haha. Thanks. 2
todreaminblue Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 See, this is the kind of answer I was looking for. Nobody was answering my actual question, haha. Thanks. sorry i didnt answer your question.....i agree with tara 247 suprisingly she can be quite thoughtful and succinct when she feels like it........deb
Author SureYeahWhyNot Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 sorry i didnt answer your question.....i agree with tara 247 suprisingly she can be quite thoughtful and succinct when she feels like it........deb That's alright, you made me feel a little bit better about it.
adelinne Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Hey there! I just wanted you to know.. With the right woman, that won't matter. Not a bit. When I was in college, I dated a guy who had scoliosis (as a symptom of a larger disorder). Stood by him through his spinal surgery. It definitely did not matter at all to me. We're not together anymore, but his illness did not have anything to do with it, nor were there any intimacy issues between us. We are friends now, several years later. He's married and has a kid these days. If you're looking for a relationship, or just intimacy, or even just sex... It isn't something to be this self-conscious about (in my mind!). Any girl who makes a fuss out of it, is not worth your time. Hope you find ...whatever it is you're looking for! 3
Yookie Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Leave your shirt on while you're swept up in the moment.. worry about how you look later...
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