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I feel like I am going backwards

Mel2011

By Mel2011
in Coping

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Mel2011 Member

Mel2011

Posted
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If you have read my other thread you will know that my ex and I broke up nearly a week ago. I tried to make things right with him before we broke up, I said that I knew in my heart that we could make things right.. He said he didn't think that we could work it out at this time, 'you never know what may happen in the future' etc.

 

My problem is I feel like I am going backwards. After we broke up I asked him to delete my number, he said 'I hope we can still be friends'.

 

I am finding as the days are progressing I am feeling worse and worse. I have been trying to hang out with mates, spend time with family etc but I literally can not think of anything but him. The holidays are coming up and I feel like I am not coping at all :(

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Hi Mel,

 

Read my "All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide!" and see exactly why his "I hope we can still be friends" line is a pile of crock.

 

It can't happen, ever, until you have no feelings for him, in any romantic, yearning sense of the word.

I'm serious - read it, and read it as many times as you need to, in order to understand and accept that it all truly really works - but only providing you really do it....

GraceisGone Member

GraceisGone

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Just hang in there. My ex broke up with me almost 6 months ago (although we did get back together for a little while, and are now just going on over a month of NC) and I still feel like there are times when I am moving backwards.

 

6 months is a long time, but obviously the entire time wasn't spent focusing on myself. There will be times when things get a lot worse before they get better. Hell, this is my first time through getting over something this big, and something that meant this much to me, so I don't know what to expect. I still haven't seen the light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm keeping faith that it's there.

 

I know it sucks, and you are going to have days where you just feel absolutely terrible. But you have to push through them, because better things are ahead. Eventually, hopefully we can all look back and laugh at the fact that we were so hung up on an ex and truly find happiness again.

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sadpanda87 Established Member

sadpanda87

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hang in there. holidays are tough because you have a lot of free time to think about him

 

its still fresh wound for you... being only a week. its the toughest at the start, diffiult to adjust. but you'll get there.

 

the worst thing you can do is to "go back" or "stay friends". it'll only cost you more pain. nothing good will. come out of hanging on to someone eho doesnt care about you.

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Mel2011 Member

Mel2011

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This is why I love this forum, thanks guys!!

 

Onwards and upwards! Tomorrow is a new day :)

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Mel2011 Member

Mel2011

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I had a really good day yesterday, I smiled, I laughed, I actually felt like things were going I be ok. Then I saw him in the street, he waved, I waved back... Then my world came crashing down around me again. When I got home I could not stop crying. I felt so miserable all over again.

 

The hardest thing I am finding is I know how serious he was about our relationship. While he was out at work recently he text me and said 'I have a surprise for you when I get home'. I knew his surprise was he was going to propose to me. He has talked about us getting engaged ALL year. He only just said recently that he has never met anyone like me, that he has never been this serious about a girl, how he wanted to spend his life with me and how he wanted us to start a family next year also. I feel like those future plans and our future together has been ripped out from under my feet.

 

Just before we broke up I told him that I knew we could make it work, we just needed a little help. He told me that he is unhappy with his job, how he looks etc and I think us fighting just put even more pressure on him. I think in the end I built my life around him, I stopped going out with friends (I NEVER stopped him from going out with his) and I felt like I put my life on hold while he was out at work.

 

I won't lie, I love and miss him like crazy. Every part of me believed that he was the one for me. We always said we were soulmates, we were born on exactly the same day and felt like we had a connection we had never felt with anyone else before!!

 

I don't want to hold onto hope that he is coming back, the fact that he has come back to me twice before in the past makes it hard to believe that he won't. I think at the moment I am at the 'what if?' Stage. What if I hung around my friends more, would that have made us better? What if I didn't get cranky at the little things he did so much? What if he communicated with me a little better? What if I didn't ask him to delete my number, would he have tried to contact me to try and make things right?

 

He is the most amazing person I have ever met and I truly feel like my soulmate has just walked out on me. That's how I feel, I feel like he abandoned me and what we had. I miss him like crazy but I can't hold onto the hope that he is coming back.

 

I am at 6 day NC, this is the longest we have gone without since we met. I feel so lost

Edited by Mel2011
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Mel2011 Member

Mel2011

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After writing my above post, I was sick of thinking "What if?". So I sent him a text message saying that the hardest thing about this whole situation was the fact that I couldn't talk to him, he replied saying that I am the only one that is stopping myself from talking to him. I replied asking if he thought we could meet somewhere to talk.. He replied with "No".

 

Lol yup, I obviously meant a great deal to him hey? Back to NC, this time I am determined to move on!! What he said has made me angry and I am going to use this to power my progress and recovery!

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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measure this up....

....After we broke up I asked him to delete my number, he said 'I hope we can still be friends'.

 

...against this....

 

..... he replied saying that I am the only one that is stopping myself from talking to him. I replied asking if he thought we could meet somewhere to talk.. He replied with "No".

 

...and it gives you a firm idea as to how good the Caliguy NC guide actually is.

It speaks the truth, no?

  • 1 month later...
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Mel2011 Member

Mel2011

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It has been nearly 6 weeks now! Looking back on my posts I can see a massive difference in myself. I have accepted that its over and I am moving on with my life. I have brought myself a new car, moved house and I am in the process of getting things together to move towns.

 

I passed him in the street two days ago and he waved. I didn't wave back as I didn't want him to think I was ready to be friends and I didn't want to get a text off him. I felt rude for doing it but this process is about me and my healing, not him. I got a text message 5 minutes after I passed him and he said "look at that, [exs name] makes the effort to wave at you and you snob him again". Umm ok, I didn't respond to the text and immediately deleted it.

 

I have been going out with friends more and I am really, really positive about what the future holds :)

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