STD -Chlamydia From My Girlfriend-How Do I Cope? :(

[hotrod413]

Hopefully this is the last time I have to start a thread here at this site. Not that I'm saying its a horrible place, but obviously the reason I opened this account five minutes ago is because I have a serious problem. Well here goes nothing.

 

Me and My girlfriend had been together for about a year before breaking up for 7 months in between. Throughout that break up I had missed her dearly the entire time. I made efforts to date other women, but couldnt stop thinking about her because I still loved her deeply.

 

Our first relationship started on the ropes because of outside influences, such as the ecomony simply drew us apart. Both of us didnt have a place to stay, and family was little to no help. We went our seperate ways and she moved back in with her father and I furtunately found a job which got me back on my feet. So we decided to try our relationship out again. We both new we still loved one another, and wanted nothing to do with anyone else.

 

Now we have been back together about 2 months, She started to realize symptoms of "possibly" UTI. To back track I did ask her prior to getting back together did she have any other relationships or sexual partners since our break up. And she told me "No." I took it with a grain of salt and assumed it was a Urinary Tract Infection, which is common and not a big deal from my prospective.

 

About two weeks ago I noticed when I pee it hurt a little, but I just assumed initially it was because I just had sex and may have been a bit sore. A couple of days later the irritation didnt go away and I eventually I saw a very faint discharge. So I called her immidiately and asked her " Do not to lie to me, did you have sex with someone else, because I have symptoms chlamydia." She again said "No... I promise."

 

Later in the week she went to PP and got checked and eventually was diagnosed with chlamydia. After telling me this I asked her to please tell me if she had sex with anyone else before. Again she told me no.

(Just to make this clear, I did not have sex with anyone. Not even kiss another woman). So this entire time i'm completely confused on how we both have an STD without contact with another partner. Later that afternoon she finally confessed to having sex with someone else. I know we were broken up. I completely understand that, but because I have been so happy being with her it hurts so much more.

 

I know I am being selfish right now, I shouldnt be that upset because I know it could be so much worse. She could have cheated, could still be cheating, or could have given me a perminant STD. But it still breaks my heart to know that she lied so strongly about it. Allowed me to believe that maybe I could have givin it to her from girls I had 3-4 years ago (i know chlamydia doesnt stay dormant that long, but still went through my head).

 

Right now I feel so betrayed. After she confessed she told me why she lied to me. She said she was embarrassed, not because she got an STD, but because the fact she even slept with that man. Despite how attractive this man is (seen him on facebook) she was still embarrassed she did not respect herself and tell him no like she usually does

(he's her 4th ever partner and I'm the 3rd btw).

 

At this point I just feel horrible because all of my trust has simply went out the door. I understand people make mistakes, but this is tough for me. I do want to make our relationship work, but I hate seeing her cry everyday appologizing because she screwed up and I cant seem get over it.

 

Am I wrong to be upset? Is there any methods I can try to help me get over this? I dont want to be upset anymore and continue to hurt her because of my insecurities. Any advice will be useful.

 

Thank You!

 

And excuse my grammer.

[veggirl]

Thing is, she had unprotected sex with another man (or men) and then with you. She knowingly put you at risk, and then lied to your face! She has no problem lying to you, she has no problem putting your health at risk as long as she figures you won't find out! Sick.

 

She is selfish, she thinks of #1 only (herself)...and you are worried about upsetting HER?

 

Dude. From your post it sounds like you have only been together 5 mos (1 yr, 7 mos of it broken up). Cut your losses now.

 

I don't think it's wrong of her to have sex during your break up, and I don't think it's wrong that she would keep that sex to herself and not tell you...EXCEPT that it was unprotected.

 

What if she had given you herpes (something uncurable)? Or worse? Would you be so concerned about her feelings then? You are LUCKY it was only chlamydia.

 

You should dump her, seriously. She is a liar and she could have given you much, much worse. She put you in the position to catch something much worse.

 

She didn't make a "mistake" when she lied to your face and had unprotected sex with you after having unprotected sex with some random. She made a deliberate choice. She didn't even have the respect for you to get tested after unprotected sex before having the same with you.

 

Again, you should dump her.

[Mina]

Dump her. As Veg said, you are pretty damned lucky it was only chlamydia. She doesn't love you if she's willing to lie about something like that. Dump her.

[hotrod413]

Thing is, she had unprotected sex with another man (or men) and then with you. She knowingly put you at risk, and then lied to your face! She has no problem lying to you, she has no problem putting your health at risk as long as she figures you won't find out! Sick.

 

She is selfish, she thinks of #1 only (herself)...and you are worried about upsetting HER?

 

Dude. From your post it sounds like you have only been together 5 mos (1 yr, 7 mos of it broken up). Cut your losses now.

 

I don't think it's wrong of her to have sex during your break up, and I don't think it's wrong that she would keep that sex to herself and not tell you...EXCEPT that it was unprotected.

 

What if she had given you herpes (something uncurable)? Or worse? Would you be so concerned about her feelings then? You are LUCKY it was only chlamydia.

 

You should dump her, seriously. She is a liar and she could have given you much, much worse. She put you in the position to catch something much worse.

 

She didn't make a "mistake" when she lied to your face and had unprotected sex with you after having unprotected sex with some random. She made a deliberate choice. She didn't even have the respect for you to get tested after unprotected sex before having the same with you.

 

Again, you should dump her.

 

I'm sorry you miss understood what I said. He had been together for a year then broke up for 7 months. So about a year and 2 months now.

[hotrod413]

Question; she has spent the last week begging for my forgiveness. She tells me she loves me so much and will do whatever it takes to "earn my trust back." Should I take that into account?

[whichwayisup]

Now we have been back together about 2 months, She started to realize symptoms of "possibly" UTI.

 

You need to find out when the last time she had sex with him was. And do some research on the type of STD you contracted from her. Not sure how long it takes for chlamydia to show up after catching it, but you said you started symptoms 2 weeks after she felt symptoms.. DO the math. Sorry but is it possible that she's still been having sex with this guy during the 2 month period you two got back together?

 

Fact that she LIED to you, more than once, telling you no she did not have sex with anybody else while apart is a huge red flag. You two were split up, 7 months went by ... Why not just tell you the truth "yes I did date someone and had sex with him during our break up." Sure you would have been a bit hurt but it was a truth you needed to know.

[whichwayisup]

Question; she has spent the last week begging for my forgiveness. She tells me she loves me so much and will do whatever it takes to "earn my trust back." Should I take that into account?

 

She needs to tell you more details about your time apart. I mentioned above in the bolded... Need to find out when she actually stopped having sex with him.

 

Her begging and being desparate isn't helping, that's needy and unhealthy. If she is genuinally sorry, shows in you in words and actions, is completely honest with you, even if it hurts, then she deserves a second chance if you choose to give her one.

 

You aren't obligated to her, keep that in mind. What she did was wrong, not having an STD test before having sex with you after she had sex with someone else. Many people get tested between relationships, or partners Just In Case..

[hotrod413]

I actually did think of that. My paper work on the STD said 75% of women do not have symptoms and sometimes can take a few months before they notice any changes.. :/

[hotrod413]

She needs to tell you more details about your time apart. I mentioned above in the bolded... Need to find out when she actually stopped having sex with him.

 

Her begging and being desparate isn't helping, that's needy and unhealthy. If she is genuinally sorry, shows in you in words and actions, is completely honest with you, even if it hurts, then she deserves a second chance if you choose to give her one.

 

You aren't obligated to her, keep that in mind. What she did was wrong, not having an STD test before having sex with you after she had sex with someone else. Many people get tested between relationships, or partners Just In Case..

 

I agree with you 100%! I'm not obligated.. I just don't know which decision is really the right decision..

[whichwayisup]

No decision has to be made right now. Get better and heal yourself. DO NOT have sex with her until this has been sorted out. Use condoms from now on if you choose to continue with her.

 

Have you spoken to any of your close friends about this? If so, what do they say?

 

Do talk to her and find out the time frame of everything..

[ASG]

I actually did think of that. My paper work on the STD said 75% of women do not have symptoms and sometimes can take a few months before they notice any changes.. :/

 

I can vouch for that as I've been in that situation. One drunken night I had unprotected sex with someone. Didn't mean to, but it happened.

 

A few months later I was having protected sex with someone else and experienced bleeding and afterwards an irregular discharge. Went to the docs and got a chlamydia diagnose.

 

It was about 3 months in between and I was completely unaware. Needless to say I have never had unprotected sex ever again after that, no matter how in the moment or drunk I was!

 

As for your GF... She lied, but she didn't cheat... She was irresponsible in having unprotected sex with him AND with you but whether you can forgive that, only you can say.

[hotrod413]

No decision has to be made right now. Get better and heal yourself. DO NOT have sex with her until this has been sorted out. Use condoms from now on if you choose to continue with her.

 

Have you spoken to any of your close friends about this? If so, what do they say?

 

Do talk to her and find out the time frame of everything..

 

I haven't talk to her friends. I have went through her archived (so called deleted) messages and the last time they talked was September. He had been blocked and deleted since around that time. We didn't get back together until end of October.

[hotrod413]

I can vouch for that as I've been in that situation. One drunken night I had unprotected sex with someone. Didn't mean to, but it happened.

 

A few months later I was having protected sex with someone else and experienced bleeding and afterwards an irregular discharge. Went to the docs and got a chlamydia diagnose.

 

It was about 3 months in between and I was completely unaware. Needless to say I have never had unprotected sex ever again after that, no matter how in the moment or drunk I was!

 

As for your GF... She lied, but she didn't cheat... She was irresponsible in having unprotected sex with him AND with you but whether you can forgive that, only you can say.[/QUOT

 

Yeah, I know it is so my decision. It's just I'm worried if I break up with her I miss out on an opportunity of a good relationship because of my pride. Or she continues to lie and I end up worse then now..

[hotrod413]

I can vouch for that as I've been in that situation. One drunken night I had unprotected sex with someone. Didn't mean to, but it happened.

 

A few months later I was having protected sex with someone else and experienced bleeding and afterwards an irregular discharge. Went to the docs and got a chlamydia diagnose.

 

It was about 3 months in between and I was completely unaware. Needless to say I have never had unprotected sex ever again after that, no matter how in the moment or drunk I was!

 

As for your GF... She lied, but she didn't cheat... She was irresponsible in having unprotected sex with him AND with you but whether you can forgive that, only you can say.

 

Yeah, I know it is so my decision. It's just I'm worried if I break up with her I miss out on an opportunity of a good relationship because of my pride. Or she continues to lie and I end up worse then now..

[ASG]

 

Yeah, I know it is so my decision. It's just I'm worried if I break up with her I miss out on an opportunity of a good relationship because of my pride. Or she continues to lie and I end up worse then now..

 

Well... try to take a step back in the relationship then and see if trust can be restored.

If it can, then you won't miss out... but if after a while you still don't trust her, then you'd be better off cutting your losses, as you can't really maintain a LTR without trust.

 

But maybe give it a trial period of sorts. Do let her know about it though, as it would be unfair otherwise. You need to be open with her about how you feel so that you can work on your issues together.

[hotrod413]

Well... try to take a step back in the relationship then and see if trust can be restored.

If it can, then you won't miss out... but if after a while you still don't trust her, then you'd be better off cutting your losses, as you can't really maintain a LTR without trust.

 

But maybe give it a trial period of sorts. Do let her know about it though, as it would be unfair otherwise. You need to be open with her about how you feel so that you can work on your issues together.

 

Thank you that's is the best neutral advice that had been given so far. I mean I don't want to break up with her but don't want to be a fool neither. She has been very loving since day 1. And I do know for a fact I love my girlfriend. I'm glad thus far I have been doing most of the right things by telling her everything about how i feel, including allowing her to read this forum when she is off of work. Lead buy example I guess..

[veggirl]

How old are you guys? Is this your first real relationship? I could see myself being torn on "giving this up" vs having the pride/self respect to walk away when I was younger. So I can understand that, but I will tell you that now, having gone through a few relationships and setting my pride aside more than one time, I would not be torn about what to do at this point in my life. I'd be gone.

 

I'm sorry you miss understood what I said. He had been together for a year then broke up for 7 months. So about a year and 2 months now.

 

Okay, I did misunderstand that. thanks for the correction.

 

Question; she has spent the last week begging for my forgiveness. She tells me she loves me so much and will do whatever it takes to "earn my trust back." Should I take that into account?

 

Well what do you expect her to say? She is scrambling because she fked up. The thing is, it's not even that she just lied by omission. She lied straight to your face when you asked her. Apparently to protect you? No, to protect herself. She wasn't thinking about you.

 

I know it's a hard situation, I empathize with you. but for me this would be unforgivable. Obviously we all have different boundaries, but I implore you not to be afraid to walk away because of what you might lose. don't ever be afraid to leave someone who disrespects you. There are women out there who won't do that. Sure you can probably work past this, if you want to put in all that work. But, you can't just unremember things. At the end of the day, you are lucky it was only chlamydia.

 

Again, would you be so willing to forgive if it was herpes or worse?

[hotrod413]

How old are you guys? Is this your first real relationship? I could see myself being torn on "giving this up" vs having the pride/self respect to walk away when I was younger. So I can understand that, but I will tell you that now, having gone through a few relationships and setting my pride aside more than one time, I would not be torn about what to do at this point in my life. I'd be gone.

 

 

 

Okay, I did misunderstand that. thanks for the correction.

 

 

 

Well what do you expect her to say? She is scrambling because she fked up. The thing is, it's not even that she just lied by omission. She lied straight to your face when you asked her. Apparently to protect you? No, to protect herself. She wasn't thinking about you.

 

I know it's a hard situation, I empathize with you. but for me this would be unforgivable. Obviously we all have different boundaries, but I implore you not to be afraid to walk away because of what you might lose. don't ever be afraid to leave someone who disrespects you. There are women out there who won't do that. Sure you can probably work past this, if you want to put in all that work. But, you can't just unremember things. At the end of the day, you are lucky it was only chlamydia.

 

Again, would you be so willing to forgive if it was herpes or worse?

 

Agreed. I would not forgive for that. And I'm 26 and it's my second. I'm very conflicted. You are absolutely right. I do need to respect myself and understand that she only cares about herself.

[veggirl]

Agreed. I would not forgive for that. And I'm 26 and it's my second. I'm very conflicted. You are absolutely right. I do need to respect myself and understand that she only cares about herself.

 

If you think it is salvagable, you can try to forgive and move past it. I am just saying not to sweep it under the rug because she cries. Just realize it will be a lot of work, it's a big thing to forgive/forget. TBH I wouldn't be willing because I know there are people out there I wouldn't have to do that with.

 

I don't mean to make your gf sound like a monster or anything like that, I hope you haven't taken offense.

 

I think what you should do is take some time apart from her. Tell her you need some time to yourself to think about things and decide what you want to do. Ask her for a week of No Contact. You have a lot to process. She did betray you, as WWIU said she could have just said she had sex and dated someone while you were broken up. No harm in that. You need to figure out what exactly it would take for you to forgive/forget. And then figure out if your relationship is worth those steps.

 

I think your head will feel clearer if you have some time without speaking to her.

[whichwayisup]

Why did you two break up to begin with? Are the issues that broke you two up, an issue now? Or has that been sorted out. Just wondering about that and how the relationship is now compared to what it was before..Minus the unfortunate STD she gave you, how were things?

[hotrod413]

If you think it is salvagable, you can try to forgive and move past it. I am just saying not to sweep it under the rug because she cries. Just realize it will be a lot of work, it's a big thing to forgive/forget. TBH I wouldn't be willing because I know there are people out there I wouldn't have to do that with.

 

I don't mean to make your gf sound like a monster or anything like that, I hope you haven't taken offense.

 

I think what you should do is take some time apart from her. Tell her you need some time to yourself to think about things and decide what you want to do. Ask her for a week of No Contact. You have a lot to process. She did betray you, as WWIU said she could have just said she had sex and dated someone while you were broken up. No harm in that. You need to figure out what exactly it would take for you to forgive/forget. And then figure out if your relationship is worth those steps.

 

I think your head will feel clearer if you have some time without speaking to her.

 

Thank you very much and I think I will do that. And no offense has been taken. Thanks again.

[Radu]

I actually did think of that. My paper work on the STD said 75% of women do not have symptoms and sometimes can take a few months before they notice any changes.. :/

 

STD Facts - Chlamydia

 

It's possible it was more than a 1 time thing.

Anyway ...

 

She had the chance to do the right thing.

You can't be mad that she had a ONS, that was outside of your relationship at the time.

What you can be mad at is the fact that she put her own interests above your own health, and when it was time to do the right thing she still acted in her own best interests.

Think of relationships like auditioning for the unique part of life partner.

She failed.

[hotrod413]

Why did you two break up to begin with? Are the issues that broke you two up, an issue now? Or has that been sorted out. Just wondering about that and how the relationship is now compared to what it was before..Minus the unfortunate STD she gave you, how were things?

 

Well we both lost our jobs and were pretty stressed out knowing we were about to loose our place(s) to live. Things were just bad and arguing just creeped up on us because of our financial situations. We still were pretty new to the relationship. And all we really argued about was money and where to live and stay etc.

Now that we have separate lives it's been awesome! We haven't disagreed about virtually anything. She has been loving, sometimes randomly buys me stuff I don't need, but her heart is in the right place. Now I do everything I can to make her happy. This entire time it has not been rocky. One of my mistakes in the past is if she had a problem I would try and find a solution. But this time around I just hold her instead of frustrating us both by trying to fix something she's simply venting about.

[coffeebean201]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Hugs.

 

How much of this is turmoil from the STD ......... and turmoil from her sleeping with someone else/lying about it during a break?

[hotrod413]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Hugs.

 

How much of this is turmoil from the STD ......... and turmoil from her sleeping with someone else/lying about it during a break?

 

Most of it is from the lying. That's what bugs me the most. She told me she quickly weened him out of her life after it happened. Her stories were consistent after asking multiple times so my actual jealousy has decreased significantly. And she along with others says the guy left to the east coast (we're in California). The STD is very unfortunate. Taking the time to go to PP, the burning, and the antibiotics made me throw up so it definitely made things a bit worse. Considering I had to deal with both emotional and physical pain going through this entire situation.. :/