jefermelesyeux Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 there is this guy that i've recently been talking to, but he is recently single and i'm not sure how to progress with things. we actually met back in march. at the time, he was not over his ex, and told me he didn't think it was right to get into anything with the intention of dating. regardless, we still kept trying to make plans to hang out, but either of us was always busy with work or a prior engagement. closer to the beginning of summer, he unintentionally ended up in a relationship with another guy. he claimed it to be love at first sight. (this might sound a bit ridiculous to some of you, but i know he wasn't bull****ting me; he's not that kind of guy.) about a month or 2 ago, their relationship ended. around thanksgiving, i sent him a text to see how he was doing and we started talking again. at this point it may seem like i'm sort of a rebound, but we talked about that, and i told him i have no interest in being one. last wednesday, we officially hung out for the first time ever and got some dinner. the following saturday, we hung out at his place, where we watched a movie and cuddling happened. i was surprised because he told me around thanksgiving that he wasn't sure if he was emotionally ready to cuddle with anyone else yet, but he initiated it. there was no suggestion of sex or anything further and there was no kissing. as of right now, we have a tentative plan to hang out on the 30th. anyway, what do you guys think of all this? i'm trying to take things slowly, because i know he's still affected by his ex, and i'm not completely sure where his head is or how he feels about me (nor do i see a need to ask at this point). i want things to go well/progress but i am definitely not pressuring him at all. i'm just not sure how to proceed.
cantfigure Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Speeking as a guy. Go slow were not right after a breakup alot of mixed emotions. You don't want to be the rebound girl. But we all need a friend and if it becomes something over time it will be for the right resons. just my take. Good luck.
ja123 Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 I think it's weird that he told you after his break-up that he couldn't do a relationship, yet he jumps right into one for 2 months. Then he told you he wasn't ready for cuddling, yet he initiates cuddling. This guy sounds like a flake, and I think you run the risk of developing feelings for him (I think you already have, no? I mean, you're hoping something will develop, right?) and then getting hurt. I'd start developing other options. Good luck.
Author jefermelesyeux Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 I think it's weird that he told you after his break-up that he couldn't do a relationship, yet he jumps right into one for 2 months. Then he told you he wasn't ready for cuddling, yet he initiates cuddling. This guy sounds like a flake, and I think you run the risk of developing feelings for him (I think you already have, no? I mean, you're hoping something will develop, right?) and then getting hurt. I'd start developing other options. Good luck. i know none of that bodes well for him. but shortly after he got into the relationship, i asked how they met as my way of figuring out how it all happened. he told me it wasn't anything he was looking for, that meeting the guy was like a love-at-first-sight experience for him, and that the other guy moved it to the next level. in other words, it just sort of happened. and i believe him, because he's a very honest guy. the cuddling thing concerned me, too. don't get me wrong, i enjoyed it and thought it was nice. but it still made me wonder if he was just after one thing. although on the day after thanksgiving, we had a discussion about fooling around. and he said, "you're a sweetheart. and that's part of the reason i don't want to risk it with you. i'm in a very weird space. and i think if you and i were to fool around, there'd be some intimacy behind it. it wouldn't just be a random hookup." and i responded by telling him hypothetically, i would want the intimacy, and i wouldn't just want to be a fling. so, it seems like he cares about me at least.
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