Inconsistent behaviour guys decode

[Axee]

I met a guy online who had sent an interest to me( a matrimonial site), I liked his online profile and I responded with an SMS, instantly he replied and we texted , he called me on phone the very same day and we spoke for 5 min or so.. All is well so far.

 

next day, we again text , sometimes when busy i dont reply and he doesnt reply, he asks me to dinner, i evade the question , he calls me and explicitly asks me, I say not today, tomo for sure.

 

Next day, we meet up, he decides time and venue, comes and picks me from office in his car, we have a good time (or so I think ? ) drops me to my home, and asks me while dropping let me know when we can meet again ( Of course when you are not in hectic times at office he adds along with the line ) ...

 

Next day, I dont initiate texting because i wanted to know if he will initiate or not. He does , and i reply and i eventually ask, so what you thought shall we continue or shall we stop it here? He instantly replies "continue" and we again text ,he even asks me " Do I fit your bill ? " I say "do u think u fit the bill " he replies "Im confident " ....I make my move and ask him does he want to catch up a move over the weekemd, he says will let me know.....

 

weekend, I text me a couple of msgs , no reply,next day again i sms no reply.I ask " So do you want us to stop things here? " he replies that time saying he was driving and so couldnt reply. then again no response.

 

next day I again sms, no response, a day or 2 passes no response. Then finally fed up I reply, "Not sure whats going on in your mind, lets not communicate furthur until you are sure of what to do " That night he calls me and says he was v busy and he cudnt pay attention to my smses, and he doesnt want to confuse me and he wants to continue and he got my point. and next day he will meet me....

 

next day , he says held up in meeting wont be able to meet, i was going on vacation no happy journey nothing... after a week i come back, text him, he relplies to a couple then again silence. I call him, doesnt pick.. next day again silence.. Now totally frustrated I texted him " neither u picked my call, nor bothered to text me back, looks like i am not the right person for you.. I wish you luck, Bye and all the best" NO REPLY.

 

I thought its done, but when i told my friend (guy) about it, he said I am being paranoid and I need to have patience ... Now i got confused..

So after a few days I texted him and he replied back, (normal stuff not flirting)... past few days this happens i initiate -he replies- then he suddenly stops, or sometimes i suddenly stop.... Weird I know.. Whats with this guys behaviour ???? I am so confused ............

 

All you guys here, please decode...

[Ami1uwant]

 

Next day, I dont initiate texting because i wanted to know if he will initiate or not. He does , and i reply and i eventually ask, so what you thought shall we continue or shall we stop it here? He instantly replies "continue" and we again text ,he even asks me " Do I fit your bill ? " I say "do u think u fit the bill " he replies "Im confident " ....I make my move and ask him does he want to catch up a move over the weekemd, he says will let me know.....

 

 

 

All you guys here, please decode...

 

This jumped out at me.....

 

he asked you a question and you gave a nonanswer and never answered the question asked.

 

I am , and other guys, are not interested in dating someone who looks at the dates as a free meal/free activity to do. By you not answring you are saying to him sure you will date him but you see nothing more coming from this.

 

remember in the dating world never assume you are the only one he is dating and he never assumes hes the only one you are dating.

 

He likely found someone else to date that he likes better but you are still an option so he strung you along as a plan B option just in case his others ddnt pan out.

[Axee]

That was very insightful Ami, I think you might have hit the nail on the head...I didnt reply there in the postive because I was afraid that I might be tagged as too easy to please ...

 

 

 

Question is what to do now?

 

1. Continue as it is, and I keep him as option B.

 

2.Stop all texting and contact and chalk it to experience and move on.

 

 

3. Continue my trend of being myself and ask him whats the matter and what can be done next...

 

Not sure , if i stop contact i feel might be i am rushing into judgements, if I dont I feel I am being strung along.. dunno what to do...

[Eternal Sunshine]

This guy is not interested at all. Stop contacting him.

[Axee]

Thought honesty is the best policy for my peace of mind and went with 3.

 

Texted him saying explicitly that " I liked you the other day and would like to meet you a couple of times more , and I am naive, so please be honest with me.. So can we meet after work today? "

 

( This is to correct any errors as Ami had pointed out )

 

Instant reply " Can we meet next week, I am going to yyy place for work and will be back on Monday "

 

 

I reply, "Cool, sure and ping me once back.."

 

Lets see what happens next ..

[SureYeahWhyNot]

Sounds to me like you're wasting your time.

[naviis]

I met a guy online who had sent an interest to me( a matrimonial site), I liked his online profile and I responded with an SMS, instantly he replied and we texted , he called me on phone the very same day and we spoke for 5 min or so.. All is well so far.

 

next day, we again text , sometimes when busy i dont reply and he doesnt reply, he asks me to dinner, i evade the question , he calls me and explicitly asks me, I say not today, tomo for sure.

Why did you evade the question?

Next day, we meet up, he decides time and venue, comes and picks me from office in his car, we have a good time (or so I think ? ) drops me to my home, and asks me while dropping let me know when we can meet again ( Of course when you are not in hectic times at office he adds along with the line ) ...

So he wants to see you again.

Next day, I dont initiate texting because i wanted to know if he will initiate or not. He does , and i reply and i eventually ask, so what you thought shall we continue or shall we stop it here?

Why? He already told you he wants to see you again!

He instantly replies "continue" and we again text ,he even asks me " Do I fit your bill ? " I say "do u think u fit the bill " he replies "Im confident " ....I make my move and ask him does he want to catch up a move over the weekemd, he says will let me know.....

You evade his question again! Why is it okay for you to get reassurance without giving any?

weekend, I text me a couple of msgs , no reply,next day again i sms no reply.I ask " So do you want us to stop things here? " he replies that time saying he was driving and so couldnt reply. then again no response.

Stop what? Where? You went on one date. He asked for a second.

next day I again sms, no response, a day or 2 passes no response. Then finally fed up I reply, "Not sure whats going on in your mind, lets not communicate furthur until you are sure of what to do " That night he calls me and says he was v busy and he cudnt pay attention to my smses, and he doesnt want to confuse me and he wants to continue and he got my point. and next day he will meet me....

I would have stopped talking to you by now.

next day , he says held up in meeting wont be able to meet, i was going on vacation no happy journey nothing... after a week i come back, text him, he relplies to a couple then again silence. I call him, doesnt pick.. next day again silence.. Now totally frustrated I texted him " neither u picked my call, nor bothered to text me back, looks like i am not the right person for you.. I wish you luck, Bye and all the best" NO REPLY.

Stop jumping to conclusions. If he goes silent, let him contact you. Don’t send neurotic texts.

I thought its done, but when i told my friend (guy) about it, he said I am being paranoid and I need to have patience ... Now i got confused..

I agree with your friend.

So after a few days I texted him and he replied back, (normal stuff not flirting)... past few days this happens i initiate -he replies- then he suddenly stops, or sometimes i suddenly stop.... Weird I know.. Whats with this guys behaviour ???? I am so confused ............

 

All you guys here, please decode...

 

I think you came across as very paranoid and high maintenance. Not attractive feats.

[Axee]

I agree Naviis, but reason being, 3 constant days of texting and then suddenly msgs stop etc, that made me feel a bit insecure... And i really dont want to be strung along so I asked.. And my texting is like 2 to 3 texts /day which i think is sensible enough...

 

Moreover, my last sms was "Can we watch movie on Sunday" , for which he replied he will let me know... Will not a reliable and trustworthy guy actually reply on Sunday saying he is busy etc.. but there was no communication at all .. so only I got a bit provoked.. But when he called me, I was totally thrown off guard I mean this isnt what a guy who isnt interested does... Unless I am an option B or something...

 

But I agree with you.. I should have stopped communicated and waited for him to contact me..if at all he wants he would have... I was a little restless... Anyways lets see now what he does, if there is silence again, then it definitely is wasting my time..

[Axee]

Why did you evade the question?

 

So he wants to see you again.

 

Why? He already told you he wants to see you again!

 

You evade his question again! Why is it okay for you to get reassurance without giving any?

 

Stop what? Where? You went on one date. He asked for a second.

 

I would have stopped talking to you by now.

 

Stop jumping to conclusions. If he goes silent, let him contact you. Don’t send neurotic texts.

 

I agree with your friend.

 

 

I think you came across as very paranoid and high maintenance. Not attractive feats.

You have perfectly decoded the situation though... I did go a bit overboard ..!! too late now...

[Axee]

Ok, so after he said lets meet up once he is back, there was no communication from him . Gist of the conversation very revealting about how a guy thinks.

 

Today ( HIS BDAY) he msgs a generic msg "This is my new number please note - ABC" .I reply "Not interested. Stop PLAYING with girls and GROW UP " .

 

Reply "Dude Are u ok? WHat i did apart from not meeting you?"

 

"Its not OK to talk something and do something else ,maybe women in past have tolerated this behaviour but not women with self esteem "

 

"Thanks for being difficult"

 

"Difficult? You are flaky.Was I being difficult when I kept on asking what next? You ignored me. I made time from my life for you ! "

 

"I met you and didnt feel we were compatible and I sent you feelers that I wasnt interested but you didnt take the hint,and I couldnt say no bluntly."

 

"Why the HELL did you then explicitly say you want to continue ,even when I asked you outright? Why did you even CALL ME and say you are interested and dont want to confuse me and want to meet up What kind of a guy are you ??"

 

"I thought will give it a chance but didnt happen.I cudnt say no bluntly,"

 

" Why did you string me along and waste my time, if you werent serious coudlnt you have sent this same msg THAT DAY? This is called being honest and that was called playing "

 

"How did I WASTE YOUR TIME,you went on vacation we hardly had any serious conversation"

 

"Your time wasnt wasted .Mine was because I invested time in you since you were always saying interested.Getting it?"

 

"Whatever"

 

"Whatever means now you are realising, bluntly saying no is not ok but false promises of meeting up is ok? This is a marriage alliance, do you even know how this works? Next time, to another girl be honest in a polite wat and dont waste her time with you immature behaviour, I am stopping now.Seriously stop msging me .. "

 

conversation ends.

 

I mean I.D.I.O.T .SO

belive ONLY in ACTIONS , not even how 'right' the words sound and how reassuring the words are. trust your intuition( its actually your subconscious intelligence) it tells you something .I suspected this the very time he said, "let me know when we can meet next of course when you are not in hectic times in the coming weekend"

And no matter even if you do ALL the right things and say the right things, if someone is interested they will make it happen.

 

OMG ,encountering such imbeciles

[Axee]

This guy is not interested at all. Stop contacting him.

 

It were his words, What will anyone infer if someone calls up and says " I am sorry, I couldnt pay attention to your msg, I want to take this forward and I am really interested in you." IDIOT guy

[Leigh 87]

This guy is not interested at all. Stop contacting him.

 

 

Definately.

 

If a guy is into you, he will not get ""held up at meetings".

 

He has time to eat, sleep, and probably an hour a day to relax or work out.

 

If he really liked you and thought you were something special, he would easily have texted you before or after a meal, when he was already sitting down and not busy with work...

 

He had time to text you a quick message before hitting the pillow, too..

 

Or on his way out of the gym if he works out, he could have taken 30 secs to text.

 

 

 

...................... But don't worry, not every guy will think your special; but some guys WILL get a good feeling about you, and think your worth going after.

[Leigh 87]

Regardless of weather this guy was dating others or not, here is what happened:

 

He talked to you, and thought it would be enjoyable to spend more time communicating. He could have quiet liked you, or just been bored but still thought you were worth at least chatting to.

 

He met you. He liked you enough to keep texting, but he did not like you enough to make any efforts to see you again. If he wanted you, he would make time for you.

[kiss_andmakeup]

You are needy, he is disinterested. Terrible, terrible combination. Please just move on.

[sid3]

You are needy, he is disinterested. Terrible, terrible combination. Please just move on.

 

That seems to sum it up perfectly.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Ok, so after he said lets meet up once he is back, there was no communication from him . Gist of the conversation very revealting about how a guy thinks.

 

Today ( HIS BDAY) he msgs a generic msg "This is my new number please note - ABC" .I reply "Not interested. Stop PLAYING with girls and GROW UP " .

 

Reply "Dude Are u ok? WHat i did apart from not meeting you?"

 

"Its not OK to talk something and do something else ,maybe women in past have tolerated this behaviour but not women with self esteem "

 

"Thanks for being difficult"

 

"Difficult? You are flaky.Was I being difficult when I kept on asking what next? You ignored me. I made time from my life for you ! "

 

"I met you and didnt feel we were compatible and I sent you feelers that I wasnt interested but you didnt take the hint,and I couldnt say no bluntly."

 

"Why the HELL did you then explicitly say you want to continue ,even when I asked you outright? Why did you even CALL ME and say you are interested and dont want to confuse me and want to meet up What kind of a guy are you ??"

 

"I thought will give it a chance but didnt happen.I cudnt say no bluntly,"

 

" Why did you string me along and waste my time, if you werent serious coudlnt you have sent this same msg THAT DAY? This is called being honest and that was called playing "

 

"How did I WASTE YOUR TIME,you went on vacation we hardly had any serious conversation"

 

"Your time wasnt wasted .Mine was because I invested time in you since you were always saying interested.Getting it?"

 

"Whatever"

 

"Whatever means now you are realising, bluntly saying no is not ok but false promises of meeting up is ok? This is a marriage alliance, do you even know how this works? Next time, to another girl be honest in a polite wat and dont waste her time with you immature behaviour, I am stopping now.Seriously stop msging me .. "

 

conversation ends.

 

I mean I.D.I.O.T .SO

belive ONLY in ACTIONS , not even how 'right' the words sound and how reassuring the words are. trust your intuition( its actually your subconscious intelligence) it tells you something .I suspected this the very time he said, "let me know when we can meet next of course when you are not in hectic times in the coming weekend"

And no matter even if you do ALL the right things and say the right things, if someone is interested they will make it happen.

 

OMG ,encountering such imbeciles

 

This was painful to read.

 

OP, I agree that he should have been more honest about being uninterested...and certainly not invited you on a second date.

 

But unfortunately this is dating and these things happen. Doesn't make them okay, or right, but they're just part of life.

 

You really need to learn to handle these situations with a little bit more grace and dignity. You look like a bit of a needy insecure crazy person in this conversation (not saying you actually ARE, just that that's how you come off), and the whole "marriage alliance" thing...I just don't even know what to say. A curt "next time you're uninterested, you should be more clear about it. best of luck" would have left you looking like the bigger person, but in this scenario you just look...crazy.

[Eternal Sunshine]

This was painful to read.

 

OP, I agree that he should have been more honest about being uninterested...and certainly not invited you on a second date.

 

But unfortunately this is dating and these things happen. Doesn't make them okay, or right, but they're just part of life.

 

You really need to learn to handle these situations with a little bit more grace and dignity. You look like a bit of a needy insecure crazy person in this conversation (not saying you actually ARE, just that that's how you come off), and the whole "marriage alliance" thing...I just don't even know what to say. A curt "next time you're uninterested, you should be more clear about it. best of luck" would have left you looking like the bigger person, but in this scenario you just look...crazy.

 

I agree with this.

 

He didn't handle this the best but that's what most people do. They rarely reject you bluntly. You need to learn to read the blatant signs of disinterest without someone having to spell it out.

[naviis]

I agree with the last two posts.

 

I think you came across as very high maintenance and wouldn't be surprised if that's what put him off.

[Mrlonelyone]

I mean I.D.I.O.T .SO

belive ONLY in ACTIONS , not even how 'right' the words sound and how reassuring the words are. trust your intuition( its actually your subconscious intelligence) it tells you something .I suspected this the very time he said, "let me know when we can meet next of course when you are not in hectic times in the coming weekend"

And no matter even if you do ALL the right things and say the right things, if someone is interested they will make it happen.

 

OMG ,encountering such imbeciles

 

^This^

 

Always believe actions not words. That is true even on websites which are geared towards a specific relationship interest. Some predatory daters prowl those sites looking to get easy sex then leave after making promises.

 

I take it you are from a culture in which dating is Haram but setting up a marriage getting engaged then essentially dataing is Halal? Trust me on this, anyone who would look askance at you for dating just dating, especially if you live in the west, is probably full of it sister.

[Axee]

I come across as high maintainaince, agreed but trust me on this one,

I am not.. and neither was I on a dating site though it is kind of similar to dating,

I come from a culture where marriage proposals are now being sought from the internet sites. Where girl and guy can meet once or twice see the compatibility before getting married (Arranged marriage) .

 

And why do I even care if i sound crazy to this idiot . His eyes opened for the first time. I dont care and I felt he did understand what I said. I put this post up so that people get to know what actually goes on between the ears of guys who talk something and do something else.

[Axee]

To all those who say "You are being too needy "http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/overused-word-alert-lets-talk-about-being-needy/

 

Expecting a loaf instead of crumbs ISNT being NEEDY

[veggirl]

So, so many things wrong with this situation!!

 

next day, we again text , sometimes when busy i dont reply and he doesnt reply, he asks me to dinner, i evade the question , he calls me and explicitly asks me, I say not today, tomo for sure.

 

1- What is that s.hit? You just evade the question when he asks you out? Why?

 

i eventually ask, so what you thought shall we continue or shall we stop it here? He instantly replies "continue" and we again text ,he even asks me " Do I fit your bill ? " I say "do u think u fit the bill "...... I make my move and ask him does he want to catch up a move over the weekemd, he says will let me know.....

 

 

2- Why would you ask if you should continue? That makes you look very needy.

3- You will KNOW a guy is interested when HE asks YOU out. You do not ask a man out on the 2nd date.

 

weekend, I text me a couple of msgs , no reply,next day again i sms no reply.I ask " So do you want us to stop things here? " he replies that time saying he was driving and so couldnt reply. then again no response.

 

 

4- DON'T CHASE MEN! He was blowing you off. You should have let it go here. The "so do you want us to stop things here" text made you look crazy btw!!

 

.........and it's all downhill from there.

 

How many times did you ask a guy you went on ONE date with if he likes you or wants to continue? Oh lord. What drama! Why are you getting in text fights with a man you BARELY know?

 

He lost interest after your first date. If he was interested HE would have asked YOU for a 2nd date. That's all you need to know. If a man doesn't ask you out after the 1st date, he's not interested. Period.

 

And now he thinks (knows) you are a dramatic woman. Fastest way to kill a man's attraction......

[veggirl]

This was painful to read.

 

OP, I agree that he should have been more honest about being uninterested...and certainly not invited you on a second date.

 

.

 

Did he ask her on a 2nd date? From my interpretation, she asked him to a movie and asked if he was interested in continuing.

[Axee]

veggirl, please read my complete post .. he asked me to let him know when we can meet next. he called me to say he is interested , msged me that he is interested.

 

And like i have said earlier, i am on a matrimonial site which is like dating but not exactly dating.So asking if we should continue is justified here ..

[Mrlonelyone]

veggirl, please read my complete post .. he asked me to let him know when we can meet next. he called me to say he is interested , msged me that he is interested.

 

And like i have said earlier, i am on a matrimonial site which is like dating but not exactly dating.So asking if we should continue is justified here ..

 

 

I think this is something people on here are missing. Allow me to translate. The site she was on was one that Muslims, and many in South Asia use to find a spouse...not a date...not a FWB...to find a husband or wife.

 

You contact people not because your a little wishy washy interested the way we in the west do it... you contact people because you think they are marriage material. It is a very very serious thing. They meet a couple times in public places or with a chaperon. Then if they like each other they get engaged...often involving an engagement ceremony... in certain cultures it is comprised of a muslim ceremony called Nikkah. Followed latter by a more public ceremony which affirms the marriage.

 

Divorce is easier, and less stigmatized in these situations.

 

It is a totally different way of looking at love, marriage, and relationships than what we have in the westernized world.