Handling a date who's in a bad mood

[newmoon]

So, how to handle this in the future? or, how have you handled this, as a female? or, as a male, what type of response do you want?

 

my bf and i went out on a date a few Sundays ago. i picked him up and immediately saw he was in a very bad mood. i asked what was wrong and he confirmed he was in a bad mood, but didn't expand. so, i talked on the drive to our destination and was light/friendly but, his bad mood never lifted. he was cranky and moody and it just started to bring me down. every comment he made was negative and this went on for about an hour and a half. so, i got tired of putting up with his bad mood, which now had me in a very bad mood, so i said i was driving him home. he was shocked i would end the day and drive him home, but i did. i said he was wasting my time and that i had better things to do than be miserable with him. i had asked him a few more times during the hour what was wrong but he didn't want to say. so, i took him home and drove off with no goodbye, etc. two days later he tells me he wants us to break up and he gave my house key back - he said it was because i was not a kind and compassionate person/friend towards him. i asked what he would have wanted and he said that ideally i should have hung out with him despite his bad mood and continued to try and be friendly to him. i say, no way - he turned my good mood bad and i'd had enough. i'm not interestied in being around anyone in a bad mood, he should have just canceled the date when he realized he wasn't up to going out. we managed to work it out, but it got me wondering what others do in this situation and if i was right/wrong?

Edited December 18, 2012 by newmoon

[veggirl]

If you pick him up and he's all pissy you should just say "um, are you sure you want to go out tonight? We can reschedule if you are going to be angry all night" and then do that.

 

He sounds like a big fat baby. Wah wah wah let me have my temper tantrum, keep smiling at me while I do it!

 

You weren't wrong. You asked him plenty of times what was wrong, did he still want to go out etc....he is an immature brat and definitely in the wrong. and then he breaks up with you over it. Wow.

[movingon12]

I agree. He behaved like an absolute child. Be grateful he's gone.

[AMusing]

Ok, nobody likes a bad attitude, and if this is a regular thing from him I'd agree with the other posters and say you should run. But honestly, if this mood is rare for him, it seems kind of harsh to abort a date for it. Especially since this was your boyfriend (evidently serious one, given he has your key), not just a casual date. He probably was hoping that time with you would improve his spirits, and instead he got unceremoniously kicked to the curb.

 

In the future, a more gentle way of approaching his mood might be, "You seem pretty down tonight. Why don't we take a rain check for this date so you can recoup?" You'd probably get the same result (he goes home), but it's coming from a very different place (considerate of his needs vs yours). Or, perhaps, you could've said something like, "You seem pretty unhappy; instead of going out tonight, would you prefer takeout and a movie at home?" That way you're still with him, but not so reliant on conversation for the night.

 

Note: if his bad mood involved saying nasty things to you/others, rather than just the typical sulky/quiet/pouty attitude everyone gets into from time-to-time, my advice would be completely different. Hard to tell which category his behavior falls under from what you've written.

[ooglesnboogles]

I understand what he's feeling/thinking, but I think you handled it pretty well. veggirl has a good suggestion with asking if he'd prefer to reschedule (or even just hang out at home). I'm the type of guy who's not big on talking about bad days, but I usually stick around with friends anyway and that usually cheers me up. If not, I understand when they ditch me.

[DC4]

This is the stupidest thing I have ever read. I believe he was going to break up with you at some point regardless and found a way to make it YOUR fault.