Author shamen Posted September 14, 2004 Author Posted September 14, 2004 Thanks Treddo for your vote of confidence! It's interesting to me though, that you didn't respond when I mentioned the Al-Anon thing. I still haven't been to a meeting. I don't personally feel like I can "fix him," or that I can "fix" my mom, but I don't want to cut either one of them out of my life for the rest of mine. I've got to find a way to sort of deal with this weird alcoholic connection I have in my life. My ex certainly was not the only alcoholic that I've ever been involved with... So, how do we go about not being so angry? I'm not angry at my mom anymore, but my ex, hell yeah I'm p*ssed! I probably would have married this man had he been able to get his act together. Mind you, I'm not at angry as I was when we first broke up, maybe more let down. Stay well and peace! Shamen
treddo Posted September 14, 2004 Posted September 14, 2004 I actually run my own webstites (family, gaming, kidsafewebsurfing (on the way)), work for a living and father a great 9 year old daughter. I have little time and find that I miss stuff easily when surfing other forums. I apologize but I completely missed the Al-Anon part so excuse me for my ignorance. Sincerely, treddo
Author shamen Posted September 14, 2004 Author Posted September 14, 2004 It's cool, it's cool! I promise, I meant no offense. I guess I was reading some deep meaning into it (like you were afraid to go to Al-Anon) because I hadn't heard from you. I'm just glad that you're still out there and reading. Helping me get throught this stupid, yes stupid, part of my life. I will be so happy when I can stop being depressed about it, him, my life. It's all connected. The farther away I am from getting re-caught in the web I was in, the better off I'll be. He's not changing anytime soon (as evidenced by the 4, yes 4, drunken phone calls I've gotten from him since we started hanging out again). Peace!
treddo Posted September 14, 2004 Posted September 14, 2004 I actually suscribed to this thread, something I rarely if ever do. Whenever something new is posted I get an e-mail and voila, here I am. I think I may have missed the Al-Anon post or the e-mail or maybe I just had a brain fart.
Author shamen Posted September 18, 2004 Author Posted September 18, 2004 Just a little update... I haven't contacted the ex bf at all; it's been 2 weeks. I'm proud of myself! He called me on Tuesday and I made the conversation last under 3 minutes. I think that he is in town this weekend and thankfully I haven't heard from him. The only problem is that all of his stuff is still here! I've got to get it out of here so that I can feel like this relationship is totally over. I think that the fact that his stuff is still here is hindering my recuperation from him and making my depression linger on. I swear, having all of these constant reminders every day is a little grating. Maybe I should start a new thread... how to sever ties with alcoholic ex bf... I feel kind of weird still posting under "I still love my alcoholic ex bf but I'm going to start dating again." What do you think? I don't feel that connected to the title right now because while I love him, it's just not in the same way. I probably will always love him, just like I feel love in my heart for many of my long term relationship ex bfs. It's like leftover love. I haven't really started dating again yet either. But I'm hanging out with a friend of mine here and there. It's good. Nothing to get worked up about...
treddo Posted September 18, 2004 Posted September 18, 2004 It's great you seem to be getting over him. I think the best thing you can do is not get together and you should start growing apart. Isn't there somewhere you can send his stuff? Surely he must be living somewhere.
Author shamen Posted September 19, 2004 Author Posted September 19, 2004 He's living with a friend. And no, unfortunately, I can't send his stuff there. Not enough room. I've got a bunch of his furniture, loads of stuff. To be honest, I'll have to go shopping for furniture when his stuff goes. But I do want it to go. I really am tired of it being here. I've also got to deal with the cellphone separation thing, which means seeing him and going to a store together so I can take over my own plan. It's weird, I feel like I'm at square one again. I've sort of accepted the fact that his stuff was just here and ignored it, until my friend came over to my house. It made me feel like I was still attached, even though I'm not. He said, "Your relationship with 'Joe' is over, or so you say." God did that make me feel bad. I've been friends with this guy for years... Even he doesn't trust me when it comes to "Joe." This statement has motivated me to get rid of his stuff and separate myself from him completely, but I'm really not sure where to start. He's making no moves to take care of it, none at all. It took me almost 3 months to get my key back. Any suggestions?
treddo Posted September 19, 2004 Posted September 19, 2004 Ya give him a deadline to get it out of your house. Inform him that if he doesn't then you'll donate it all to charity. I'm sure there's plenty of charities that would bring a truck by to pick up furniture for the less fortunate.
Author shamen Posted September 26, 2004 Author Posted September 26, 2004 He's out of town a lot for work, so setting a deadline would be hard. I did call him on Thursday to set a time to separate our phones. He's going to call me when he's back in town. I ended it. Told him (even though we hadn't seen each other in 3 weeks) that I couldn't keep hanging out with him. That he still had issues with drinking and therefore I couldn't hang out with him anymore. That it was as bad for me as it was for him. He said he found an apartment and would be coming to get his stuff on one of the next couple of trips back to the area. Hopefully that happens on the next one, probably next weekend (he's usually gone for 2 weeks at a time and comes back into town every other weekend). Think that I am going to make an appointment to see a therapist as I'm feeling really bad again. I was OK over the summer, but I feel like crap now. Can't really explain why. Unmotivated. Tired. Empty. Why am I feeling this way when I did something that I know is completely the right thing? I thought that those feelings were related to being with him again. Obviously not. It's leftover. Maybe I'll feel better when his stuff is gone. Nope, no dating for me anytime soon.
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