eagle90 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 (edited) Hey guys, so a little background. In April I met this girl when I was visiting a place I was due to move back to in June, we really hit it off and spent about 5 hours together (didn't sleep together that night though). But when I was due to come back in June she was already due to be gone to start an internship abroad until November. So we said we would see each other again in November. We kept in touch for seven months, she finally got back last month and we saw each other out (but a bit drunk) a couple of times and ended up being all over each other etc, but like I say we were a bit drunk then so doesn't count as much. We then had a couple of dates that went really well, she told me she liked me and we basically seemed like a couple (went to a christmas market holding hands, kissing all evening etc). Ended up sleeping with each other that weekend too, then I stupidly didn't text her for a couple of days. From then on she seemed a little off with her texts, we finally went out again last weekend but she didn't quite seem the same. I text her on Sunday night saying that this weekend seemed weird between us and not how it was a couple of weeks back, and if she was ok. She replied this morning with this: Hey.. sorry for the late answer I don't have phone credit on the cellphone.. I know I was weird and I'm sorry. To be completely honnest with you, I feel like we don't click. And that's the reason why I was weird on Friday because I realized it and that upsets me. So I'm not sure that to see eachother again will change much of that situation.. I'm sorry Aaron and I really wished it would be different. I wish you nice holidays with your family It's quite a kick in the balls because I'm really into this girl and it would be a shame after keeping in touch for seven months for nothing to go any further, especially after such a promising start. But I'm guessing I should just bite the bullet and move on? I want to reply to her either way as I don't want to look spiteful. Edited December 18, 2012 by eagle90
phineas Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 (edited) That's a huge turn off to a woman when you don't contact them after they're intimate with you. It makes it look like you got what you wanted and then forgot all about them for 3 days. Jesus. At least you called that mistake 'stupid' - and I will agree. Seriously. She was probably wondering why you changed with her. 3 days and no contact? At least hit them up the next morning with a text saying "morning beautiful, last night was amazing" Chicks eat that stuff up. Edited December 18, 2012 by phineas 2
Author eagle90 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 I know it was stupid, I wanted to text her but for some reason thought I better not look too keen at the time. But I made the effort to stay in touch with her for seven months and I made it clear after that I really would have liked to see her again, but that seemed the definite turning point I think. I really do like this girl and would like to try and salvage what we have once more (I'll never be the guy to beg and look pathetic). Any advice?
plainjane79 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 I know it was stupid, I wanted to text her but for some reason thought I better not look too keen at the time. But I made the effort to stay in touch with her for seven months and I made it clear after that I really would have liked to see her again, but that seemed the definite turning point I think. I really do like this girl and would like to try and salvage what we have once more (I'll never be the guy to beg and look pathetic). Any advice? I agree that not texting after first-time sex is not a good idea...but don't beat yourself up. Hindsight is 20/20 and we all make "mistakes" when we are feeling vulnerable and trying to stay cool in a relationship. Just keep this in mind for future reference. Honestly, if your lack of texting was the sole cause of this issue, I don't think she would have seen you again afterwards. I probably wouldn't have. I don't think it's really worth it to try and salvage this, mostly for the sake of your own sanity (for lack of a better word.) She gave you a vague reason for why she wasn't interested, perhaps to avoid being questioned. You can't really argue with "we don't click." Who knows what the reason was? For all you know, she met someone else. I always say, if you really want to exhaust all your options so that you can move on, feel free to ask what happened to change things after you seemed to be getting along so well; you've been in touch for seven months so this isn't really like some fling and I do think she owes you some more closure than this, but of course you can't MAKE her tell you anything. Sucky situation, for sure. But don't take it personally. If it's meant to be, it will be, silly dating mistakes and all.
PogoStick Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 If she's really interested in you then I doubt the 3 day wait is enough to kill it. Likely there are other things she just doesn't like and probably won't be straight about because it will feel mean.
KraftDinner Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 If she's really interested in you then I doubt the 3 day wait is enough to kill it. Likely there are other things she just doesn't like and probably won't be straight about because it will feel mean. Disagree. Three days is a long time to sit there feeling like you got used and then telling yourself it's time to move on because you've been a victim of a hump-and-dump. Only a desperate girl would be pathetic enough to accept that. Having said that, it is possible that there are other things besides that. But even if there weren't, the 3 days would have put an end to things for her, in all likelihood. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Disagree. Three days is a long time to sit there feeling like you got used and then telling yourself it's time to move on because you've been a victim of a hump-and-dump. Only a desperate girl would be pathetic enough to accept that. Having said that, it is possible that there are other things besides that. But even if there weren't, the 3 days would have put an end to things for her, in all likelihood. Agree. Emotionally I would be done. I might go out with you one more time to see what you had to say, but I would be done. For my own sanity, I avoid players and anything that might resemble game-playing or toying with my feelings. I think it always pays to be open and honest about your feelings for someone. If the other person likes you, there is no such thing as "too keen." If you seem insincere, the person is left to guess at the motives of a virtual stranger. Never good. I wouldn't ask for an explanation. You won't get anything meaningful. Here is the text response I would send: "Thank you for your honesty. Obviously I'm disappointed to hear this. I hope you find what you're looking for." If she responds, and don't hold your breath for this option, great. Otherwise chalk it up as a lesson learned for next time. We all make mistakes. It happens. The key is to learn and do better next time. 1
phineas Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 If she's really interested in you then I doubt the 3 day wait is enough to kill it. Likely there are other things she just doesn't like and probably won't be straight about because it will feel mean. If a woman waits 3 days to return my phone call i'm pretty much moved on. I can't imagine any woman would be ok with radio silence following sex. 2
plainjane79 Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 If a woman waits 3 days to return my phone call i'm pretty much moved on. I can't imagine any woman would be ok with radio silence following sex. They were in touch for seven months beforehand, so friends at least to some extent. If I slept with a friend I had known for seven months and he went radio silence for three days afterward, I'd probably give him the benefit of a doubt. I'd probably ask what was up before kicking him to the curb, assuming I was very interested in him to begin with. 2
Author eagle90 Posted December 19, 2012 Author Posted December 19, 2012 (edited) My original post clearly states I left it two days, not three, if that extra day makes any difference. Like I say, we kept in touch for seven months and I like to think I seemed very genuine with her, so she knew I liked her and didn't just want to have sex with her. So I can't believe that would be the sole reason. I'm not stupid, and I could clearly tell there was something between us, especially the night we went to the christmas market, it was like we were together. I would like to reply to her today as I haven't done yet, and ideally I'd like to reply with the intent of seeing her one more time and reminding her how good it was between us before, but I obviously don't want to look pathetic. I'm really into this girl so I feel I must try one last thing, and then if no, I'll accept it and move on. I forgot to mention that part of the problem this weekend I think was that we went to a concert so we couldn't really talk much actually. So your help will be very much appreciated. You must understand that this was someone I kept in touch with for seven months after just one night, it seemed special for both of us. Edited December 19, 2012 by eagle90
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 ...apparently not special enough to contact her in the morning. Sorry, for me whether it was two or three days would be totally irrelevant. As you can see opinions vary.
Janesays Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 I had this happen to me once. Had sex with a good friend I had a thing for and he didn't get a call me the next day. Killed it for me. Later he told me that he was crazy into me but didn't want to seem 'to eager,' so he was going to try to wait until I called him. It was stupid and even after learning the truth, I couldn't muster up my original feelings for him again. I was too disgusted.
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