robaday Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 So, a girl broke up with me four years ago. Wed been together for just a year. I was severely depressed at the time, and lost 2 close friends during the period of our relationship. After the breakup, I was gone for nearly a year, just completely lost. The breakup was the tipping point, but she did the right thing for both of us at the time. I pushed her away afterward and it took 3 years for us to talk again. During that time I had other relationships, but never really felt as strongly for anyone as this girl. I fixed myself, went to counselling, got fit, went to rehab. So, 6 months ago we started talking occasionally-very briefly, just emails seeing how each other were etc etc. Then 3 months ago we met up for the first time! it was awkward at first, but by the end, we were very close friends again. Last night we met up again at a party. And she pretty much threw herself at me! I had no idea there was any attraction left on her side. I thought it would be highly unlikely we would ever talk again! I didnt hit on her at all. I was quite standoffish. But we ended up kissing. She stayed round last night. Woke up and cooked her breakfast before work, kissed her goodbye. She lived 6 hours away but is moving to my town in 3 months....... I dont want to get my hopes up. She was pretty drunk, and a one night thing doesnt mean much. BUT omg!! what do I do next?
big bear Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 What every sane guy must do.. Keep up your progress. Think what you want. Really hard. And then PREPARE FOR THE WORST, HOPE FOR THE BEST. 1
MichiganMan222 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Get even!! Become exclusive and happy...and then dump her ass mwaaahaahahahahaha.. ok, j/k. Sounds like you're excited about it. What led to the breakup 4 years ago? Why'd she dump you?
Author robaday Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 She dumped me because I was needy, severely depressed and pretty messed up! met at a bad time in my life, a friend had commited suicide shortly after we met, and another tragically died. Unlike other girlfriends Ive had since, I dont actually blame this one for ending it, it was for the right reasons, and I needed to sort myself out. I was inexperienced (only second gf), and lacking in confidence. This is four years later. Im not grief stricken, not taking drugs, nor am I on any medication, Im pretty content in my life now, probably a very different person to the first one she met.
fucpcg Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 I know my ex and I both had our struggles when we dated. Her's the worst at first, which led to me breaking up with her, then she left me when honestly I was most deserving of it. She needn't handle the breakup the way she did, but I know I was deserving of at least her walking out. I've never had a connection with another girl like I had her, and this is coming from a 42 year old guy speaking. There was much I needed to address for myself after the breakup, and I have, and I have grown so much as a person in the almost 2 years we've been split now. I've tried reuniting with her, but so far she's not having it. I have done all I possibly could to reach out to her, but there is nothing left I can do. So in the meantime, life goes on. I've dated about 5-6 other girls since my ex, one turned into about a six month relationship that didn't have legs, but none were even close to the match my ex and I were. If she came back I'd be the happiest man on the planet, but I wouldn't rush into things either. That breakup was the darkest year of my life, and I don't have the desire to relive it. I know why I want her back in my life, but it would be infinitely important for me to know why SHE wants me back in HER life. After all, she gave up and left, why come back now? And assuming we both learned from this and grew, does that mean we promise not to give up on each other in the future? If I got a proper answer to those questions, and saw evidence of this over more than just one hookup, I'd jump at the chance. I just would refuse to jump blindly.
aMguilts Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 She dumped me because I was needy, severely depressed and pretty messed up! met at a bad time in my life, a friend had commited suicide shortly after we met, and another tragically died. Unlike other girlfriends Ive had since, I dont actually blame this one for ending it, it was for the right reasons, and I needed to sort myself out. I was inexperienced (only second gf), and lacking in confidence. This is four years later. Im not grief stricken, not taking drugs, nor am I on any medication, Im pretty content in my life now, probably a very different person to the first one she met. Hi robaday Ah it`s SOOOO good to see someone reply that they are doing good and are content with themselves Well done to you! As for your ex, take it slow see what happens. Best of luck to you aM
Author robaday Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Thing is, she hasnt come begging for me back, and that was never going to happen - we met as friends 3 months ago, and a couple days ago. I dont feel that the past has as much relevance anymore, in terms of her breaking up with me - I dont have any expectations from her whatsoever and have gone into this as platonic friends only, nothing else. Reason Im posting I guess is it was her instigating this the other night, and I was completely taken aback - at first I pulled away. What Im saying I guess is that while I still am attracted to her, and will always have a special bond with her......Im a different person now with other options, so if anything would happen between us, it would be two very different people starting afresh in many ways. Have people got back together after such an extended time apart? I feel its actually taken this long for me to really become the person I am, any sooner and the old me would have come flying out. One thing though - she kept asking if "we were ok?".....she knows I went through a tremendous amount of pain after the breakup......she was crying while bringing this up. Truth is, Im not in a place to talk about that with her at the moment - I tried to change the subject, apart from saying, its the past, it has no relevance to my reality right now. How do I handle conversations like that?
aMguilts Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Thing is, she hasnt come begging for me back, and that was never going to happen - we met as friends 3 months ago, and a couple days ago. I dont feel that the past has as much relevance anymore, in terms of her breaking up with me - I dont have any expectations from her whatsoever and have gone into this as platonic friends only, nothing else. Reason Im posting I guess is it was her instigating this the other night, and I was completely taken aback - at first I pulled away. What Im saying I guess is that while I still am attracted to her, and will always have a special bond with her......Im a different person now with other options, so if anything would happen between us, it would be two very different people starting afresh in many ways. Have people got back together after such an extended time apart? I feel its actually taken this long for me to really become the person I am, any sooner and the old me would have come flying out. One thing though - she kept asking if "we were ok?".....she knows I went through a tremendous amount of pain after the breakup......she was crying while bringing this up. Truth is, Im not in a place to talk about that with her at the moment - I tried to change the subject, apart from saying, its the past, it has no relevance to my reality right now. How do I handle conversations like that? by being honest aM
Author robaday Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Do I want her in my life - yeah I do......in some capacity, not 100% sure on what kind of capacity and am trying not to think about it too much right now. Im gonna focus on carrying on meeting new women, dating around, if something happens with M (Ill call her that), it will take a long time. I actually didnt have sex with her the other night and said I dont want us to do something that neither of us are ready for right now.....she was pretty drunk at the time and I was a little cautious about the whole thing...figure if shes into me, shell understand....normally hell nor high water would stop me with a women in my bed!! but on this one occasion, I held off.
aMguilts Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Do I want her in my life - yeah I do......in some capacity, not 100% sure on what kind of capacity and am trying not to think about it too much right now. Im gonna focus on carrying on meeting new women, dating around, if something happens with M (Ill call her that), it will take a long time. I actually didnt have sex with her the other night and said I dont want us to do something that neither of us are ready for right now.....she was pretty drunk at the time and I was a little cautious about the whole thing...figure if shes into me, shell understand....normally hell nor high water would stop me with a women in my bed!! but on this one occasion, I held off. hi again robaday Good for you for holding off!! Deep down you know that it wouldn`t of gotten you any further to making up. You need to ask yourself for what reason do you want her in your life.? If you still have feelings for her I`d suggest you cut her out your life totally. You cannot be friends with someone you still have feelings for. It just won`t work. All that will do is stop you moving on. If you believe you can remain friends and keep your feelings in check than ok. go for it. Personally i think that you should just look back and smile that you knew her and move on without any contact at all. But thats just MO. Keep posting and good luck with whatever you decide aM
Author robaday Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Well after the other night weve texted back and forth...her thanking me for awesome time etc. While with her, guess things hadnt fully sunk in about what had happened - i.e the fact that after 4 years she slept in my bed....guess because I had convinced myself fully in an effort to move on that we would never ever be anything more than platonic friends. I was so convinced of that that even talking to her again was a long shot. Since the other night Ive felt a whole wave of emotion. One pure excitement, my heart is racing 1000 miles an hour, I forgot what it felt like to truly be excited about another person. All the girls I dated since this one I havent felt that for - fondness yes, love yes, but not that stomach shaking excitement. Then the other emotion is fear, yes fear. Funny how with other girls, I didnt place that much emotion/investment into something working out, just rode it out to see what happened......this one was always different. You need to ask yourself for what reason do you want her in your life.? Because if she was interested, I would go for it like a shot. I made the changes in my own life that ruined us the first time, and after the weekend I realise I still have strong feelings for her. BUT as she broke up with me all those years back, it has to be her who tries/brings it up, as I wont put my heart out there again like that. If she was willing I would go for it!
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