NoClue2 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Hey guys, didn't get much of a response in the break up forum, but not really sure that's where this belongs since techinically we're not broken up. Need advice on giving someone space. To make a long story short, my boyfriend of 2.5 yrs started saying he needed space a month ago after buying me a ring only 3 weeks before that, with the intent of getting engaged when we had the money. We barely fought before that, had a really solid relationship, but started fighting when he said he wanted to get his own place. Things came to blows a week ago, he moved out, we agreed to stay together but kind of fought a lot during the weekend and had no contact for 2 days until he messaged me earlier tonight. Well, we ended up talking and after we made some small talk, he said that he really loves me but we just need time apart. He said that he's started saving a lot and that he thinks that we do better for ourselves when we have independence from eachother. He said he definitely doesn't want to be with anyone else and that he's not up to anything but that it's best if we don't see eachother for right now. I guess this is the true meaning of "space". I asked him why we couldn't see eachother and he said that he thinks it will be best for me in the long run, as well as him. I assume he means that maybe it'll motivate me to find a better job and lose some of the weight I've gained since we got back together and get back to being healthy (he never said this though, just assuming). He said that even though I didn't see it, the relationship was getting to a bad place. So instead of doing my usual, "tell me more about your reasons!!! If we just talk about this again and again, you'll see we should see eachother! You'll see your wrong and that space isn't best!" Instead I said that if he didn't think we should see eachother, I wasn't going to fight him on it. I told him that I loved him, wouldn't talk to any guys either, and that he'd always be my [pet name]. He told me he loved me too, had no desire to be with anyone else and would only talk to me. Then a couple minutes later he texted me saying, "I love you so much." I said me too. And a half hour later he said, "I always will." So, I guess I should just let him have his space? He's not cutting off all contact, he says we'll still talk, he's not seeing other girls and he's just trying to save money. All throughout our conversation he kept saying I'm his only love ever, that will never change, we just need space to see what will happen. Am I being pathetic by accepting this or is this really just what "space" means in a relationship? I know my best bet for making this work and making him miss me is to just keep it casual with him, not wait for his call, but not push him further away either. Anybody have any stories about "space" and their strategies in coping with it and making the person miss them? I guess he's being pretty clear about what he wants, so the best bet is just to give it to him?
dasein Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Not pathetic, just not sticking up for yourself. Personally, when I have heard "space" in the past, it's a universe of it they get from me in return. "Space" = "breakup" to me, and totally move on. Admittedly others view it differently and not so harshly. In your shoes would stop all contact and start looking for other options. Tell him nicely that space = nonexclusive and fair game, and merely having a ring doesn't change that. Get out and meet/date other men, and if you two are meant to be together, he will get more sure of his feelings.
PogoStick Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 dasein is right. Assume it's really over. Start moving on and be very reluctant before giving it another try with him. Just extending the pain if you get stuck with on/off relationship. 1
Ami1uwant Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 in this case "space" means..... "I love you , but I am very disappointed in you not working at you gaining weight. I have tried to tell you those two things are important to me in a relationship and you arent realizing this. Maybe some space can motivate you because everything I have tried hasn't. I liked spending time before with you when you paid your fair share in this relationship, but now with you not making the money you used to make I cant afford to keep paying for all our dates. No to mention Christmas is coming up and you expect me to give you really nice things but I will get nothing in return from you...this makes me feel used just for my money."
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