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Her online dating profile..


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Posted

So I've been seeing this girl for over a year now. She was in a pretty long term relationship with a guy who ruined a lot for her. She left her family, friends, school, and her job to move half way across the country to live near his family. Plus the guy was terrible for her. Not physically abusive, but not attentive at all. He didn't celebrate her birthday at all during the 4 years, and spent holidays (including valentine's day) with his friends instead of her.

 

So although we are together and we have talked about it, she has said multiple times that she isn't ready for an official "relationship". With that being said, the only thing missing in our relationship is the title. We hang out every day, she sleeps over regularly, and she tells me that I'm really the only guy she talks to outside of family and old friends.

 

However, she has a couple dating profiles that bother me a little bit. At first it wasn't a big deal, but then I noticed that she was updating the pictures on them. She even put pictures of herself that were taken while I was with, and even some taken by me. Plus the site says she's actively logging on regularly.

 

I've talked to her about it, and she tends to get upset when I bring it up. She says it means nothing and she rarely uses it and just forgets to take it down....

 

 

...so..

 

This isn't the best, I know, but I made a fake profile and sent her a message. The profile I made listed hobbies and likes that I know she would find appealing, as well as a picture of a guy who is pretty good looking, maybe a little bit more than me, but nothing too insane. It's not all catered to attract her as I didn't want to make it too obvious.

 

Anyway, I sent a message to her earlier today. She hasn't replied yet because she is still at work, but I'm regretting the decision. Obviously it's not a good thing to do, and I'm sure almost everyone here will say it's a bad idea, but what am I supposed to do about this?

 

She says she wants to be with me, but isn't ready for a serious relationship after what she went through, but she also keeps this profile up and seems to be using it. I take her out all the time and treat her extremely well. I'm head over heels for her, but what if I'm just temporary for her? What if she's just using me for money, dinners, drinks, sex, etc. and is actively looking for someone better in the meantime? I can't just tell her that it bothers me and she should delete it because technically she is single, but in practice she is definitely with me in every way.

 

 

If I were to keep this going and she replied openly, I would probably eventually ask her if she is seeing anyone casually or otherwise. If she said no than I would know that I'm nothing to her.

 

Should I just delete the profile and forget about the whole thing? If I do, what do I do about the situation?

 

 

Sorry for the wordy post.

Posted

When she meets the right man, she will want to be in a relationship. You're not that man apparently.

 

I'm surprised you let this drag on for a year! Its not fair to you to be lead on like this when the outcome will probably be her meeting someone new and dumping you for good. You need to tell her how you feel and walk if she's not on the same page.

 

You have to cut all ties so you can move on and meet someone that wants to be with you.

  • Like 3
Posted

Having dating profiles up mean she's looking. It doesn't matter what she's telling you,her actions spoke for themselves.

  • Like 3
Posted

I almost missed the very first sentence that said it's been over a year. Obviously it would take a lot for you to walk away at this point. For your own well-being, it'd be best to walk away however. Of course you can ask her if she'd like to make things official first.

 

You know the situation with the dating profiles, there's no need to update them if she's not using them. Idk if I agree with the fake profile thing, it's something I might try in the same scenario but I don't think it's "right." If she replies at all then I hope you have enough "data" to make a decision that's best for YOU.

 

Don't sell yourself short man.

  • Like 1
Posted

I did this last year when I wasn't sure if I wanted to take things further with this guy. I was trying to fall for him but it didn't happen. At least I didn't string him along - I told him I was still on the OLD site and could not commit yet as I was not sure about my feelings and what I wanted.

 

Now that I look back, it was a mistake. If I didn't feel it enough to commit to him, I shouldn't be seeing him. Love is either there or it isn't - one can't force it. Think about it when you're making your decision whether to stay with her. Do you really want to be with someone who is not crazy about you?

  • Like 1
Posted

So although we are together and we have talked about it, she has said multiple times that she isn't ready for an official "relationship". With that being said, the only thing missing in our relationship is the title. We hang out every day, she sleeps over regularly, and she tells me that I'm really the only guy she talks to outside of family and old friends.

 

Ask her what an "official relationship" would look like to her. What would she be doing differently?

 

It sounds like you are her rebound or The Transitional Man.

Posted

This has been going on for a year? You really should think about how you have gotten yourself into this mess, because this girl is not going to commit to you no matter how hard you beg or cry (which I hope you are not doing). Move on now.

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Posted

If I'm her rebound, would she really let it go this long? She broke up with the guy and was single for 6 months before we met. So she's been broken up with him for over 18 months.

 

Plus, if I really am just temporary, why hasn't she dropped me yet? She gets hit on all the time and could get most guys without any trouble. She's even gotten mad at me for not stepping in and telling guys to leave when they would hit on her at a bar.

 

She just got off work and usually checks her e-mail right when she gets home, so she should see the message soon.

Posted

She's telling you in many different ways that she's holding out for someone else. No title, the dating profiles, updating the pictures.

 

One does not forget to take down a dating profile. If she can remember to upload new pictures, she could sure as hell remember to delete it!

 

It sounds like you're the safe, sweet, attentive guy she turned to after this inattentive guy. And he didn't ruin anything for her. She chose to be with him.

 

You're showering her with love, attention, nice dates, and everything you have to give - and she won't even call herself your girlfriend.

 

This is sad :(

 

I kind of hope she responds to your e-mail, so you can get the nail in the coffin you need, move on, and find someone who loves you back and is happy to call herself your girl.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted

Yep, she got home and responded, but I don't know how to take it. It looks good, but still not sure why she has the profile.

 

Here is what she said:

 

"Hi.

 

I thought I was the only person who liked that show haha. Most of my friends hate it. And I don't normally go that far up North.

 

I actually have been casually seeing someone for awhile now and want to see how that goes. I probably shouldn't keep this profile up, but it's kind of a habit.

 

Sorry about that. Good luck! :)"

 

I'm glad I didn't delete the account before getting that message, but I'm still confused as to why she has the profile up. Her profile says looking for new friends, but it also says looking for casual dating and a relationship....I dunno.

Posted

What??? you still dont get it???? do you have to taste the poop to see whether it's chocolate or not?

 

It's just matter of time. Enjoy sleeping with her. Try everything you can possibly think of before she tells you 'so....'

Posted

She has a couple of dating profiles? Sheesh!

It's time to move on mate.

Posted
Plus, if I really am just temporary, why hasn't she dropped me yet? She gets hit on all the time and could get most guys without any trouble.

 

Because you're safe.

 

If you treat her as well and care for her as much as you say you do, and she's suffered from a relationship where she was 2nd to everything, I'm guessing her relationship with you is helping her rebuild her ego. As are the dating sites. She may not be "doing anything wrong" in the sense that she's not seeing anyone else or even agreeing to dates, but updating her pictures and leaving her profile up to me is definitely the sign of her girl who wants attention, and her past relationship would be a good explanation for that.

  • Like 1
Posted

After being treated badly, women usually go for "safe guys".

 

However, they never quite fall in love with them.

 

I had an online dating profile up during most of my relationship with ex. I was never head over heels for him. While I never met up with any men - part of me was still looking for someone that would "do it for me" on all levels.

Posted

You need to start dating other girls. I'm baffled that you've put up with this for a year. She will never want you the way you want her, she would by now if she was going to.

  • Like 1
Posted
Yep, she got home and responded, but I don't know how to take it. It looks good, but still not sure why she has the profile.

 

I'm glad I didn't delete the account before getting that message, but I'm still confused as to why she has the profile up. Her profile says looking for new friends, but it also says looking for casual dating and a relationship....I dunno.

 

She's updating her profile because she's keeping her options open.

 

One of these days, one of the guys she says 'no' to is going to keep persisting. Even if it's just 'being friends' to start with, one thing will lead to another.

 

You don't update and check your profile if you're committed to the person you're with. And the fact that she's not committed to you after a year is not a good sign.

Posted
What??? you still dont get it???? do you have to taste the poop to see whether it's chocolate or not?

 

It's just matter of time. Enjoy sleeping with her. Try everything you can possibly think of before she tells you 'so....'

I rarely agree with yongyong, but in this case, I agree completely.

 

You're "head over heels for her", and she's "casually seeing someone"? And you're cool with that?

 

If it were me, I'd just treat her like a casual plaything and put my own dating profiles back up.

 

You really must love her to be this blind.

  • Like 1
Posted

You know what create a next dating profile. Create a couple of them actually - because one will catch her interest and you may realize she is looking for the one.

Posted

You still have a very good chance with her. She might just be playing hard to get. It's very rare for a woman to not want a commitment with a great guy.

 

I also have my dating profile up, out of habit, even though I'm very interested in the guy I'm currently dating.

 

Pay attention to any of her complaints, are you not doing something right? Fix it.

 

At the same time, never lose self respect by accepting bad behavior from her. It's not that women don't like nice guys, we just don't like guys who can not stand up for themselves.

Posted

Also, I don't see any evidence of her doing anything crossing the line. You said her ex was not attentive to her, that means she craves attention. And in order to get that, I see she is definitely playing hard to get so that the same thing does not happen again to her, with you.

 

I always see bad advice on these forums, telling the guy to stop pursuing the girl they want. If she really means that much to you, you need to fight for her. Tell her straight out that you want an exclusive relationship with her. ONly if she says no again, then back off completely. You have already made yourself clear that you value her. That is all you can do.

 

I think this one just needs more convincing.

Posted
You still have a very good chance with her. She might just be playing hard to get. It's very rare for a woman to not want a commitment with a great guy.

 

She's had A YEAR to committ!

 

I also have my dating profile up, out of habit, even though I'm very interested in the guy I'm currently dating.

 

How long have you been dating someone else? Are you exclusive? Sorry but keeping a dating profile up "out of habit" is the dumbest excuse. Do you check your emails from there and check out profiles too "out of habit"? :rolleyes:

 

At the same time, never lose self respect by accepting bad behavior from her. It's not that women don't like nice guys, we just don't like guys who can not stand up for themselves.

 

Most people would consider an active dating profile when you've been dating someone for a YEAR to be "bad behavior".

 

Also, I don't see any evidence of her doing anything crossing the line. You said her ex was not attentive to her, that means she craves attention. And in order to get that, I see she is definitely playing hard to get so that the same thing does not happen again to her, with you.

 

Hard to get? By keeping secret dating profiles. Yeah okay.

 

I think this one just needs more convincing.

 

Generally if you have to "convince" someone to do something, it's pointless and not gonna last

  • Like 2
Posted

Be clear with her that you want an exclusive relationship, you are only interested in dating her. However, if she doesn't feel the same, then you are going to put your dating profile back up (on the same site as hers) while continuing to casually date her. That doesn't mean you will actually date anyone else although why not? You might surprise yourself. It might be the wake up call she needs.

  • Like 1
Posted

sorry veggirl, this is my perspective as a woman, not a girl. i keep my options open until i see a guy is serious about a commitment. having a dating profile up is not considered cheating, is it? get real and grow up.

 

you sound like one of those girls who get wrapped around her bf as if he's the last man on earth, then you wonder why he backs off. let's agree to disagree.

Posted

I had a guy tell me that he wasn't ready for a relationship last summer and probably wouldn't be for years to come.

 

He now has a steady girlfriend.

  • Like 1
Posted

I had a guy tell me that he is really screwed up from his parents divorce and has fear of intimacy and commitment. He told me that he likes me a lot but can only handle casual dating.

 

He now has a steady girlfriend.

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