na49 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Didn't answer. Block her number already, I know. Just had to make a thread about it. The followup is surprising, but I still don't know what she could possibly want and her not telling me isn't helping. Let's go Jets! 3
Simon Phoenix Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Didn't answer. Block her number already, I know. Just had to make a thread about it. The followup is surprising, but I still don't know what she could possibly want and her not telling me isn't helping. Let's go Jets! What she wants doesn't matter. Block the damn phone number already. Don't think, just do it.
Author na49 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 I know, I know. It didn't set me back as badly as yesterday. I know I have to block it etc. I could almost make the case that it didn't set me back at all, but I'm not. I really wish she would tell me what she wanted to talk about exactly but apparently it's not happening. Let her be guilty for the rest of her life for all I care, unless she wants to tell me what we have to talk about, we don't have to talk. Even if she tells me, we probably won't have to talk. I really was her dog, I realize I was her dog. I'm not her dog anymore, I'm no one's dog, and no one's doormat. The next person who treats me like a dog, will see the door out of my life. I don't need people like that. 2
Million.to.1 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Maybe you should read the thread in my signature and the threads posted on it too. Sometimes N/C can just create more drama unless both parties are on the same page.
Author na49 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 I'll read your thread and examples, but do you think I should maybe ask her what she wants? I don't need to go any further, but she's been reaching out to me for a while and I haven't responded. My problem is I don't want to let her ease her guilt and get her closure. I need my closure because my needs are more important.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 I'll read your thread and examples, but do you think I should maybe ask her what she wants? I don't need to go any further, but she's been reaching out to me for a while and I haven't responded. My problem is I don't want to let her ease her guilt and get her closure. I need my closure because my needs are more important. Your problem is that you keep leaving the door open to have these internal conflicts. It's almost like you thrive on the drama. 2
ponette Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 hey...you need a perspective check here. look at it this way: YOU aren't answering. YOU aren't demonstrating interest in whatever bs she's got to tell you. you want to deliver some payback? KEEP TO YOURSELF. trust me, it'll drive her nuts that you aren't jumping to find out why she's calling. it's time for HER to sweat, wonder, and doubt herself. now you're back in control. 1
Author na49 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 (edited) I am in control, something that I haven't been in a while. So now what? I wrote a text earlier that I didn't send. It pretty much said "I don't know what we need to talk about, but you contacting me isn't helping me move on so I ask that you stop doing it" It feels weird because I went NC cold turkey. We had a little disagreement, and that was the last she's heard from me. I didn't respond to her attempt to insult me and haven't responded to anything she's sent me since. You'd think if it was important, maybe a voice mail. I wouldn't mind one just to hear what she has to say exactly. Not losing sleep over this tonight though. Reading responses in my thread from last night has helped. I wouldn't say that I "thrive" on it. I just haven't gotten tired of seeing that she still cares enough to bother talking to me. It's nice to see that she feels guilty for what she did and it feels nice to ignore it. Edited December 18, 2012 by na49
ponette Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 look, i'm not a psychic and i have no idea what the true intention is behind her actions, but as a female, i expect that she trying to get some kind of response-either because she wasnts to see if she can still control you (my guess) or testing the waters to see if you're receptive to communication and reconciliation down the road. don't respond now- if miss thing wants you back, there'll be NO doubt in your mind. seriously- keep tto yourself FOR NOW. ok? ok!
LostOne1 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 hey...you need a perspective check here. look at it this way: YOU aren't answering. YOU aren't demonstrating interest in whatever bs she's got to tell you. you want to deliver some payback? KEEP TO YOURSELF. trust me, it'll drive her nuts that you aren't jumping to find out why she's calling. it's time for HER to sweat, wonder, and doubt herself. now you're back in control. See I think you are right.. but can that ever backfire though? I know for me at first I felt like if I went NC it would mean I am ignoring her and don't care. Which I thought would make her feel BETTER about leaving me. Because then my ex could think "yeah.. I knew he didn't care, that's why he never begged me back and I made the right decision by leaving him because he doesn't even care to reach out". But on the other hand what you are saying makes sense too. I guess the question is which one is right or more right? or logical?
Author na49 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Both very true, I feel like she's probably thinking that I don't care because I'm not responding. The problem that I have with that is, why am I obligated to care when she was the one who dumped me? She didn't care the first two months after dumping me and had no problem kicking me out. She also had no problem acting nasty towards me, throwing me dirty looks and seeming happy as can be when I see her. but is now feeling guilty and wants to keep me around? I feel this is friend zone BS. She probably sees me as good friend material because I was so supportive of her. If she wanted me back I would know. (YES I know, she cheated on me, I shouldn't want her back blah blah blah) Now I'll expect another call tomorrow, and if I don't get one I'll ask myself why. It's such a tight rope when dealing with something like this because you never REALLY know what they're thinking.
ponette Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 here's what YOU keep forgetting and what really matters RIGHT NOW: SHE'S WONDERING WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AND WHYWHYWHY YOU AREN'T ANSWERING. now bask in the damn glow of the 180 and the emotional turmoil that YOU are NOW inflicting on miss cheating thing.
Author na49 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 here's what YOU keep forgetting and what really matters RIGHT NOW: SHE'S WONDERING WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AND WHYWHYWHY YOU AREN'T ANSWERING. now bask in the damn glow of the 180 and the emotional turmoil that YOU are NOW inflicting on miss cheating thing. So true! I like thinking about it that way haha. I was always available during our relationships and felt the most power when I wasn't responding to her right away. Good. Let her wonder, maybe eventually she'll crack and tell me what it is exactly she wants to speak to me about. For all she knows, I'm out meeting new girls loving life while she's at home thinking about calling me all day and then crying that I'm not answering. Then going to her new "friends" and having them tell her "see this is why you dumped him. what kind of jerk doesn't come running when their ex girlfriend comes calling?" A jerk who is showing some self respect. 1
ponette Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 that's better. don't let this girl live rent-free in your head and DO NOT come running just because she calls. if it's so friggin' important, she'll just cut loose and tell you. i hate to be the pessimist, but i think this is chain-pulling to see if she can still control you. teach this bizzo some respect. i HATE cheats. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Thriving on the drama. I like ponette's point of view a lot, but I'd rather just be rid of her in all forms. 1
Author na49 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 I think it is too. She's trying everything and anything she can to get me to budge. She knows me well and knows that I was a loyal dog, so making her texts and calls seem "urgent" should get me to respond. It isn't working though. If she's miserable and feels guilty all winter break I wouldn't mind at all. I deserve better, she had something great and ruined it. She'll have trouble finding a guy who will put up with all of her flaws like I did.
ponette Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 you DO deserve better, and when it's all said and done, only WE can do better for ourselves. simon phoenix is right about the thriving on drama here though, and i think people do so because it perpetuates a connection with our ex that no longer exists outside of our own mind. i don't think OP is at the stage of his breakup to completely detach, but i think having control over himself and the situation as he now does by keeping quiet, he will be ready to fully detach in no time. once a cheat, (almost) always a cheat.
Author na49 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 I really wish I could find out what she wanted, but her not telling me doesn't help me at all. I don't want to find out, I don't want to see if she's currently dating anyone, I don't want to see if she's miserable about me ignoring her or loving life and feels she's better off because I am. Out of sight, out of mind.
ponette Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 i don't KNOW what she wants, but i think her behavior makes it fairly obvious. logic dictates that if it's super important, she'd just leave you a voicemail. any other action just shows she's pulling your chain, and you keeping quiet just rubs her face in it. CHIN UP!
Author na49 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Well she called me last night and tonight. Could that mean it's important? I wouldn't think so, because she still should tell me right?
Simon Phoenix Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Well she called me last night and tonight. Could that mean it's important? I wouldn't think so, because she still should tell me right? Stop. She's leave a message if it was. And dude, I'm going to keep typing this, but block her. Every time she calls you makes you ask the same dumb questions you know the answer to. Actually, I'm not going to keep typing it. You are a glutton for punishment and it's hard to try to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. This is just going to end badly.
NewPerspective93 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 (edited) I agree with the fellow posters; if it was that important, she'd tell you straight up, no filler whatsoever. I agree with the poster that said that she could just be pulling the leash to see if you're still there. It seems as if though she's calling you, being vague about it by not telling you what about, just to make you wonder and maybe contact her to find out what it is that she initially wanted. Block her, you're better off. Besides, would you REALLY want to be with her is she indeed wanted another chance? Really, after the cheating? The more hung up you're over her, the more chances you're killing in finding someone who might actually want to be with you. Is she really worth it? Edited December 18, 2012 by NewPerspective93
Chi townD Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Well, normally the trending I see when an Ex girlfriend or boyfriend does to ease their guilt when you are in a hard NC. They would usually leave a voicemail or an email to the affect of, "Look, I know you don't want to talk to me and I suppose I can understand that. But, I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for everything that happened to us...blah...blah...." But she's not even giving you that. So, it only leaves me to believe that she either subborn as hell or her intention is to reel you back into her "friend zone".
Author na49 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 I'm not very hung up over her, the call last night didn't affect me like the text from two nights ago. Not sure if that's improvement or what. I really do feel like this is friend zone BS. I know her well and know she's probably lonely and bored during this month long winter break. All of her new "friends" must not want to talk to her. She knows I'm not a huge social butterfly so I'm probably home at night and available to talk. Well not yesterday and probably never. Yes. I know. I need to block her number. I will do it once I'm ready and I'll probably make a thread about it on here once I'm done lol. I have a bit more self control than some other users on here, so I won't go backwards in my moving on.
veggirl Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Na, she's not even leaving messages. There is nothing catostrophic that happened. If so, she would leave a message or text you what happened and what she needs. I guarantee if you answer or talk to her, she will ask why you are ignoring her, cry, and tell you she wants you in her life and misses you and can't you at least be friends?
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