ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Dang it! I'm having a freakin setback right now! What the heck! I did everything right. I have been on NC for about 11 days now. Prior to that I have been on NC/LC and I was doing fine. Its been 2 and 1/2 months and for the most part I was fine. I dont check up on her and I try not to think about her. I did nothing to cause this stupid relapse. What the heck is going on here? I'm trying to understand what the heck triggered this crap. Dang it this sucks! Ok...I think i'm done venting. Anyone else experiencing setbacks out of the blue?
na49 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 A setback made me think that something happened. A breadcrumbs text, you looked at her profile on facebook, or something. Are you just straight up missing her and feeling down? or did something happen? If nothing happened then you might be having an off day. It's a roller coaster of emotions we're dealing with so not every day will be great, and even if we convince ourselves we don't miss them there will be days that we do. Just go about your business and try not to dwell on it. The longer you sit and think about how down you are, the longer you'll feel that way.
LostOne1 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 It happens.. heck I have dreams that give me a setback for a day. And I can't control my dreams either.. you just wake up and feel crappy after a dream. Setbacks are normal and you WILL have them. All you can do is tell yourself it's a setback and it's OKAY because it happens from time to time. But try to ignore it and do your thing for the day something that keeps your mind off it.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 (edited) Yeah, it just sounds like you were thinking of her. That's normal, those thoughts come and go and sometimes they are more frequent than at other times. It's all good and normal. I had a lunch date today, which was OK but not nearly what I had with my ex. After 40 minutes with this woman, who was nice, I was pretty much running out of things to discuss, while I could spend an entire day with my ex and not get bored. Either way, thoughts are natural and different things trigger them. You'll be OK. Edited December 18, 2012 by Simon Phoenix
Samilia Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Dang it! I'm having a freakin setback right now! What the heck! I did everything right. I have been on NC for about 11 days now. Prior to that I have been on NC/LC and I was doing fine. Its been 2 and 1/2 months and for the most part I was fine. I dont check up on her and I try not to think about her. I did nothing to cause this stupid relapse. What the heck is going on here? I'm trying to understand what the heck triggered this crap. Dang it this sucks! Ok...I think i'm done venting. Anyone else experiencing setbacks out of the blue? Hello, why don't you gather a couple friends and go out on Friday? Get out of your routine, get her out of your mind. Don't feel bad about your relapse, 3 years clean (cigarette) and I still have moments where I'd kill for one.
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 A setback made me think that something happened. A breadcrumbs text, you looked at her profile on facebook, or something. Are you just straight up missing her and feeling down? or did something happen? If nothing happened then you might be having an off day. It's a roller coaster of emotions we're dealing with so not every day will be great, and even if we convince ourselves we don't miss them there will be days that we do. Just go about your business and try not to dwell on it. The longer you sit and think about how down you are, the longer you'll feel that way. I think what it was is that I'm about to leave the state that I grew up in to further my career. I'm not sure why but I had this feeling that I should let her know because we were together for almost 9 years. Then my brain kicked in and said wtf are you thinking? Who gives a S*&^ about her and F*&% what she knows. Dont tell her. Who cares. So I think that's what triggered it. Damn...This day needs to be over so I can start fresh tomorrow.
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 It happens.. heck I have dreams that give me a setback for a day. And I can't control my dreams either.. you just wake up and feel crappy after a dream. Setbacks are normal and you WILL have them. All you can do is tell yourself it's a setback and it's OKAY because it happens from time to time. But try to ignore it and do your thing for the day something that keeps your mind off it. Thanks...I know it was bound to happen. I wonder if anyone knows when the setbacks end. I know it depends by person but in general I wonder how long it takes to get over this crap.
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Yeah, it just sounds like you were thinking of her. That's normal, those thoughts come and go and sometimes they are more frequent than at other times. It's all good and normal. I had a lunch date today, which was OK but not nearly what I had with my ex. After 40 minutes with this woman, who was nice, I was pretty much running out of things to discuss, while I could spend an entire day with my ex and not get bored. Either way, thoughts are natural and different things trigger them. You'll be OK. Lol...this sounds like me. I had met this girl and hung out with her Friday night. I was interested in her friday night then spent saturday with her. When Sunday came around all I was thinking was how the hell was I going to get rid of her. When will this agony be over!!! When can i go out and actually meet someone that I would be interested in and not compare her to my damn ex!! AHHHH!!!!
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Hello, why don't you gather a couple friends and go out on Friday? Get out of your routine, get her out of your mind. Don't feel bad about your relapse, 3 years clean (cigarette) and I still have moments where I'd kill for one. I actually go out every weekend but its not the same as it used to be anymore. Sigh....I need to get over this asap.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Lol...this sounds like me. I had met this girl and hung out with her Friday night. I was interested in her friday night then spent saturday with her. When Sunday came around all I was thinking was how the hell was I going to get rid of her. When will this agony be over!!! When can i go out and actually meet someone that I would be interested in and not compare her to my damn ex!! AHHHH!!!! I just went to lunch. But yeah, spending three days with her right off the bat probably wasn't the greatest idea. Need to let it breathe a bit. First time I went out with the ex we went to an art fair/beer fest at noon and ended up hanging out until midnight-1 a.m., but I let a week go by before we hung out again. Got to build the anticipation and excitement a bit.
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 I just went to lunch. But yeah, spending three days with her right off the bat probably wasn't the greatest idea. Need to let it breathe a bit. First time I went out with the ex we went to an art fair/beer fest at noon and ended up hanging out until midnight-1 a.m., but I let a week go by before we hung out again. Got to build the anticipation and excitement a bit. yeah in hindsight that wasn't the brightest idea. My friends were telling me to just space it out but No...what did I do? Yup hung out with her the whole weekend. I guess I wanted someone that I was interested in so that I could not think about my ex. Didn't think it would blow up in my face and make things worse. Sigh.... Well now I'm met a few people im interested in and I'm keeping them at an arms length. Its nice to have an infatuation and as long as you keep them at bay you can continue that infatuation and milk it for as long as you can. At least with an infatuation you find hope that there are others out there you can actually be interested in.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 yeah in hindsight that wasn't the brightest idea. My friends were telling me to just space it out but No...what did I do? Yup hung out with her the whole weekend. I guess I wanted someone that I was interested in so that I could not think about my ex. Didn't think it would blow up in my face and make things worse. Sigh.... Well now I'm met a few people im interested in and I'm keeping them at an arms length. Its nice to have an infatuation and as long as you keep them at bay you can continue that infatuation and milk it for as long as you can. At least with an infatuation you find hope that there are others out there you can actually be interested in. An infatuation is never good.
LostOne1 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 yeah in hindsight that wasn't the brightest idea. My friends were telling me to just space it out but No...what did I do? Yup hung out with her the whole weekend. I guess I wanted someone that I was interested in so that I could not think about my ex. Didn't think it would blow up in my face and make things worse. Sigh.... Well now I'm met a few people im interested in and I'm keeping them at an arms length. Its nice to have an infatuation and as long as you keep them at bay you can continue that infatuation and milk it for as long as you can. At least with an infatuation you find hope that there are others out there you can actually be interested in. Kinda why I have avoided dating... I think I need the next year just to myself. Work on myself and things about me. I think that will LEAD to good dates and what not later. When you feel confident and good about yourself it all works out better. I'm not super confident or in any spot to be dating. Let alone have cash to spend right now lol... I don't know about you.. but I would say do things you love and things you used to do before you were in a relationship. Or do things you need for the future. For me it's call career oriented and just learning lots and lots.
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 An infatuation is never good. Normally I would agree to this but in my situation it maybe a little healthy for me. The reason I say that is because I do not act on my infatuations. I dont know maybe this is a bad idea but its helped me get through some hard times. You see one of the hardest things to do post BU is to find another person that you MIGHT be interested. The hardest thing for me was that my ex was my everything and its hard to find any one that I perceived to be better then her (I put her on a damn pedestal). When I meet someone that I may truly like/ be interested in I keep her at arms lengths. I try not to get to know her very well but the bits and pieces that I know of her helps me put a picture together (in my head) of this totally awesome person. In reality I know the person can't live up to the person I have in my head thats why I keep them at arms length in hopes I dont kill that fanatasy. Part of this gives me hope that there is someone out there that I can like and feel for just like I did with my ex. I guess its part of the Fake it until you make it deal. Either way its help me through as the hardest part that I found with moving on is actually finding someone that you may be interested in. This gives me hope that I will actually feel again. Not sure if that all makes sense.
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Kinda why I have avoided dating... I think I need the next year just to myself. Work on myself and things about me. I think that will LEAD to good dates and what not later. When you feel confident and good about yourself it all works out better. I'm not super confident or in any spot to be dating. Let alone have cash to spend right now lol... I don't know about you.. but I would say do things you love and things you used to do before you were in a relationship. Or do things you need for the future. For me it's call career oriented and just learning lots and lots. I definitely agree with you. I do need time to myself to work on myself. The last two and a half months I have been doing this. When my ex left me I started to freak out. I built my whole world and identity around her. Once she left I felt like my identity was gone. I didnt know who I was anymore. I then started to take a hard look at myself to see areas where I needed to improve. For me, this was losing weight and beginning to take care of myself. Once I accomplished this I looked at my career aspirations and focused on that. Obviously everything is still a work in progress but in the last 2 and 1/2 months Ive come a long way. In reality I'm not ready to date nor ready to enter into another relationship. I date because...well just to date and to remind myself that there are others out there. I don't know sometimes its nice to just get out and know that someone is actually interested in you even though your a complete mess inside. Not sure if this is the right path to get over someone but its gotten me through so far.
Recommended Posts