The worst thing of it all

[jbsoccer]

I may get judged on this post but im going to be honest.

Im 25 and i have slept with over 100 women, had girls beg to move in with me, ask to be in relationships, never fully committed to a relationship, always casual.

And now ive lost the One. I dont care if you want to come on here and say there is no one. Im self aware, she has faults. Im not putting her on a pedestal, i realized this PEOPLE we broke up for good. Finding the one for you is about accepting those... Im off track...

The worst thing is knowing that, that person exists. I wish she'd never come into my life. Knowing that she exists and that i pushed her away is the worst feeling.. Again i know people will disagree but i wish she had just rejected me in the first place.

I caused this and ive lost her forever...

 

O and i have to see her pretty much every day at work.

[Samilia]

I may get judged on this post but im going to be honest.

Im 25 and i have slept with over 100 women, had girls beg to move in with me, ask to be in relationships, never fully committed to a relationship, always casual.

And now ive lost the One. I dont care if you want to come on here and say there is no one. Im self aware, she has faults. Im not putting her on a pedestal, i realized this PEOPLE we broke up for good. Finding the one for you is about accepting those... Im off track...

The worst thing is knowing that, that person exists. I wish she'd never come into my life. Knowing that she exists and that i pushed her away is the worst feeling.. Again i know people will disagree but i wish she had just rejected me in the first place.

I caused this and ive lost her forever...

 

O and i have to see her pretty much every day at work.

 

Just venting I take it? I'm not into Man-wh*res, maybe that was a turn off for her as well?

[LostOne1]

I may get judged on this post but im going to be honest.

Im 25 and i have slept with over 100 women, had girls beg to move in with me, ask to be in relationships, never fully committed to a relationship, always casual.

And now ive lost the One. I dont care if you want to come on here and say there is no one. Im self aware, she has faults. Im not putting her on a pedestal, i realized this PEOPLE we broke up for good. Finding the one for you is about accepting those... Im off track...

The worst thing is knowing that, that person exists. I wish she'd never come into my life. Knowing that she exists and that i pushed her away is the worst feeling.. Again i know people will disagree but i wish she had just rejected me in the first place.

I caused this and ive lost her forever...

 

O and i have to see her pretty much every day at work.

 

I know how you feel buddy. I felt that way too, but then over time you will LEARN from this experience. Take it as the path you were on before you met this girl was WRONG. And now her coming into your life has shown you something better and different. Use it as a learning experience and it may be a tough one to learn from.. but that's all you can do at this point in time.

 

Just venting I take it? I'm not into Man-wh*res, maybe that was a turn off for her as well?

 

But this is a good thing then? I mean he went from doing something wrong to realizing he was wrong for doing it. I mean he found someone that made him realize what he did before wasn't worth it. That there is 1 special girl for him and that's all he ever needed. He didn't need to go out with hundreds of other women. It's better to realize it now than sleep with another hundred and find out.

[Samilia]

I know how you feel buddy. I felt that way too, but then over time you will LEARN from this experience. Take it as the path you were on before you met this girl was WRONG. And now her coming into your life has shown you something better and different. Use it as a learning experience and it may be a tough one to learn from.. but that's all you can do at this point in time.

 

 

 

But this is a good thing then? I mean he went from doing something wrong to realizing he was wrong for doing it. I mean he found someone that made him realize what he did before wasn't worth it. That there is 1 special girl for him and that's all he ever needed. He didn't need to go out with hundreds of other women. It's better to realize it now than sleep with another hundred and find out.

 

I'm not saying his lifestyle is a problem, I think that whatever makes him happy is good, as long as he's honest with his intentions, and he seems to be. I'm just saying that honesty might have been his demise.

[movingon12]

She and him remained friends with him on Facebook. He continued to 'like' posts she put up, post things on her wall. She is a genuinely nice person so didn’t say anything. After a while I mentioned that it bugged me, she said she was going to speak to him. They crossed paths at their college homecoming and one night she came across him passed out at a party, she spent 4 hours looking after him passed out.

She didn’t tell me about this immediately but I found out. She said she didn’t tell me because it would hurt me.

The Facebook things continued as did texting from time to time. She replied but always deleted them and never text first.

 

...

And now ive lost the One.

I caused this and ive lost her forever...

 

She was not The One. The One does not stay friends with their exes on FB even though they know it's hurting their current partner. The One doesn't prioritise their relationship with their ex over their current partner and then asks 'for space'.

 

I don't care how 'nice' she is. A 'nice' person would have understood that you were upset about her continuing contact with her ex (who didn't live nearby and had no need to still be in her life). She would have stopped contacting him. A 'nice' person doesn't look after their ex for 4 hours and hide it from you.

 

You are trying to rationalise her behaviour.

[Bumaga vsyo sterpit]

That's nothing man, I'm almost 80 and I've slept with over 2,000 women.

 

lol dumb****

[jbsoccer]

She was not The One. The One does not stay friends with their exes on FB even though they know it's hurting their current partner. The One doesn't prioritise their relationship with their ex over their current partner and then asks 'for space'.

 

I don't care how 'nice' she is. A 'nice' person would have understood that you were upset about her continuing contact with her ex (who didn't live nearby and had no need to still be in her life). She would have stopped contacting him. A 'nice' person doesn't look after their ex for 4 hours and hide it from you.

 

You are trying to rationalise her behaviour.

 

Movingon.. Number 1. Your posts are very insightful and really do help so thank you.

 

Im not putting her on a pedestal but the issue is this really is in her personality. She always wants to see the good in people. She never wants to upset people. She has taken people back after cheating on her (this ex she stayed in contact with included). she cant just cut people out of her live. Its not in her character.She still texts me all the time and called me last night twice at 3am because she had a nightmare. She doesnt just do that...

[movingon12]

I'm sure she's mother teresa in jeans, but it doesnt change the fact that she had to make a choice: either upset her ex by cutting him out of her life or upset you by not cutting him out of her life. And she chose him.

 

The One will always, always, put you first. That's one of the ways you know they're The One.

[Axee]

Movingon.. Number 1. Your posts are very insightful and really do help so thank you.

 

Im not putting her on a pedestal but the issue is this really is in her personality. She always wants to see the good in people. She never wants to upset people. She has taken people back after cheating on her (this ex she stayed in contact with included). she cant just cut people out of her live. Its not in her character.She still texts me all the time and called me last night twice at 3am because she had a nightmare. She doesnt just do that...

 

 

I read your old posts, and I agree

 

1. REBOUND. She really shouldnt have started dating with you so soon after her break up. She is a confused girl right now and you should give her time.

 

 

2. You ill -treated her. Good that you are now repenting.. Is it because she broke up now that you are repenting.. Will you want her with equal intensity if she says she loves you and wants to be with you forever. Think about this question carefully.

 

3. If you continue contact with this girl, this situation will get murkier and murkier, see how the ex is present when you were present, same way you will be there when she dates someone else.

 

4.In case she does get back with you, are you NOW ok with her talking to her ex?

 

4.Right now, respectfully tell her that you are sorry for your behavior, and reasons for it.. and say you love her and would look forward to be with her. Then leave it at that,not a single initiation from your side and minimize contact.

 

5. Lastly, "the one" there are many .. be calm and patient and see things in perspective. She seems like a weak girl with no self -esteem and someone who doesn't love herself enough. with dating so many bad guys ( u too at some point? ) ... Dont mistake weakness with niceness.

[Axee]

She still texts me all the time and called me last night twice at 3am because she had a nightmare. --

 

And she needs space... ?? Are you seeing the inconsistency in her behaviour??

[jbsoccer]

I'm sure she's mother teresa in jeans, but it doesnt change the fact that she had to make a choice: either upset her ex by cutting him out of her life or upset you by not cutting him out of her life. And she chose him.

 

The One will always, always, put you first. That's one of the ways you know they're The One.

 

Best post. Never seen it clearer.

[jbsoccer]

I read your old posts, and I agree

 

1. REBOUND. She really shouldnt have started dating with you so soon after her break up. She is a confused girl right now and you should give her time.

 

2. You ill -treated her. Good that you are now repenting.. Is it because she broke up now that you are repenting.. Will you want her with equal intensity if she says she loves you and wants to be with you forever. Think about this question carefully.

 

3. If you continue contact with this girl, this situation will get murkier and murkier, see how the ex is present when you were present, same way you will be there when she dates someone else.

 

4.In case she does get back with you, are you NOW ok with her talking to her ex?

 

4.Right now, respectfully tell her that you are sorry for your behavior, and reasons for it.. and say you love her and would look forward to be with her. Then leave it at that,not a single initiation from your side and minimize contact.

 

5. Lastly, "the one" there are many .. be calm and patient and see things in perspective. She seems like a weak girl with no self -esteem and someone who doesn't love herself enough. with dating so many bad guys ( u too at some point? ) ... Dont mistake weakness with niceness.

 

This is a very good post thank you.

 

1. Agreed. The paramaters for space and time are difficult. I work with her every day. No contact is impossible. As per my example from last night, she text me often also.

 

2. Yes. im not repenting just because of her saying we couldnt be together. I arrived here before then.

 

3. Again this is difficult to do. We work in the same room every day.

 

4. Yes i am ok with it but i think there needs to be healthy parameters.

I wont initiate anything but some level of contact is necessary. We are also swapping xmas presents this week. (her idea). Unsure what to do here.

 

5. 100% agreed no self -esteem and someone who doesn't love herself enough. She has eventually cut the guys out of her life. Agree with some weakness.. but she really is the purest person ive ever met. Almost too much, again its a blessing and curse.

[jbsoccer]

She still texts me all the time and called me last night twice at 3am because she had a nightmare. --

 

And she needs space... ?? Are you seeing the inconsistency in her behaviour??

 

Yes but she says its because she loves me. She came up behind me in the office today and hugged me tightly...

She brought up the presents swap and i said i needed space...

 

I just have to be careful about pushing her too far away because thats what caused this in the first place.

[Simon Phoenix]

She still texts me all the time and called me last night twice at 3am because she had a nightmare. --

 

And she needs space... ?? Are you seeing the inconsistency in her behaviour??

 

She needs space from what you want out of the relationship, not what she wants. Her needing space is completely self-serving.

[jbsoccer]

Hi all,

So thank you all for your posts/replies. they really do help..

Here is my other post.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/362334-i-broke-up-my-girlfriend-now-she-says-she-needs-space

 

Been some developments i need some advice on...

Monday night we have another 'chat' in the office. We talk more about space and the issues etc and she used the line 'but this is a break up'..

Makes it pretty clear i know.

I dropped her off at her car because she was stranded, cleared the ice and told her i wish id never met her... (i know, i know).

She text me a few times.. 'thanks for helping with my car..' 'you are amazing. you dont even realize it.' 'i going to leave you along, i just want you to know' etc etc

 

I didnt reply she called me at 3am, i didnt wake up. two missed calls and she text me saying she had a bad dream and was scared. she text me in the morning saying sorry for calling.

I didnt reply to anything. 10am sent me a work question i had to reply too.

Saw her in the office, cordial etc.

i then leave to go to our other office, as did she. She called me at 3pm to say that she had passed out in a store. (shes been sick)

I obviously couldnt help so didnt say much but she was being vague as to where she was.

She then text 'sorry to call, i wont bother you again but you didnt have to be mean'. i was a little!

 

So we get to our other office and she is a mess. She gets upset and goes and sits in her car in the parking lot.

I call her mom and tell her that when shes home (next week) she needs to see a doc. Her mom asks if she can see one now etc.

 

I jump in her car and drive her to a express walk in. sort her insurance etc and she gets diagnosed with bronchitis. We get food, all nice. shes holding my hand etc.

 

She drive home, i have a soccer game.. She texts ask how it was etc i reply then she says shes not feeling good. I dont reply and she starts freaking out... youre shady, where are you. you dont reply for a hour and half etc.

I dont reply but head over to hers to see how she is. Shes calling and texting because im not replying.

Im at hers and she wants to cuddle, it try and sleep on the sofa she wants me in her bed etc. We're in the office today and shes acting like everything is fine..

 

Again her self esteem stuff is well documented on here. She has almost zero self esteem and is a very loving person.

I have pushed her away lots of times and when we were together sometimes didnt text her back etc. (i also broke up with her first, TWICE) If i push her away now it may be one time too many. but i dont want to be played for a fool...

[flitzanu]

Movingon.. Number 1. Your posts are very insightful and really do help so thank you.

 

Im not putting her on a pedestal but the issue is this really is in her personality. She always wants to see the good in people. She never wants to upset people. She has taken people back after cheating on her (this ex she stayed in contact with included). she cant just cut people out of her live. Its not in her character.She still texts me all the time and called me last night twice at 3am because she had a nightmare. She doesnt just do that...

 

so she banged her ex boyfriend and lied about spending the night with him and you think YOU pushed her away?

 

and YES, yes she can just cut people out of her life, you don't know anything about what is "in her character". every single thing you knew about this girl is absolutely INVALID once you break up. don't lose yourself making assumptions about her behavior because of what you knew of her.

 

continuing to act like her boyfriend by driving her around and taking her places and having "chats" of her reiterating how you're broken up is not dealing with being broken up. you're gonig to continue this cycle until you actually stop all the communication and start acting broken up. being nice to her isn't going to change things.

[jbsoccer]

so she banged her ex boyfriend and lied about spending the night with him and you think YOU pushed her away?

 

and YES, yes she can just cut people out of her life, you don't know anything about what is "in her character". every single thing you knew about this girl is absolutely INVALID once you break up. don't lose yourself making assumptions about her behavior because of what you knew of her.

 

continuing to act like her boyfriend by driving her around and taking her places and having "chats" of her reiterating how you're broken up is not dealing with being broken up. you're gonig to continue this cycle until you actually stop all the communication and start acting broken up. being nice to her isn't going to change things.

 

No, she 100% hasnt slept with her ex. 100%, she saw him a couple of times at home coming and spent 3/4 hours when she found him face down in his own vomit.. She would do that for the guy that beat her 4 years ago though, shed do it for anyone. combination of niceness/weakness.

 

She has never cut any of the ex's out of her life. ever. she doesnt have that cutting edge.

I hear you about assumptions but again, we have got to here because of how i treated her. not the other way around..

[Simon Phoenix]

No, she 100% hasnt slept with her ex. 100%, she saw him a couple of times at home coming and spent 3/4 hours when she found him face down in his own vomit.. She would do that for the guy that beat her 4 years ago though, shed do it for anyone. combination of niceness/weakness.

 

She has never cut any of the ex's out of her life. ever. she doesnt have that cutting edge.

I hear you about assumptions but again, we have got to here because of how i treated her. not the other way around..

 

She's using you bro. Pure and simple. You need to keep this relationship strictly professional.

[Axee]

Nut case , immature girl.. She will cling to you like anything if you continue this behaviour and high possiblity that out of the blue she might say ( after a year or so - Break up !!! ) ...

 

Leave now ...

[Axee]

You know I was just thinking...

 

Do you really have any proof about her exes cheating/beating etc apart from her OWN words... I have doubts on this girl...Looks like someone who makes things up to justify "I am not at fault"

[jbsoccer]

You know I was just thinking...

 

Do you really have any proof about her exes cheating/beating etc apart from her OWN words... I have doubts on this girl...Looks like someone who makes things up to justify "I am not at fault"

 

Yes 100% it all happened. We have a large number if mutual friends, very close to her family. Unfortunately well documented...