princess75 Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 Hello, I am hurting so badly. My guy had gone to another girl. Then cheated on her to be with me.(playing with the 2 of us) Then to control my emotions I went out with his roommate, never lied to his roommate and never cheated on him. Had sex only once and was just a 7 day thing. My guy did not know. Then, my guy came back, we were together for 5 months again. After rough patches I told him the complete truth. Now he makes me feel guilty about what happened. I told him so we accept each other as we are and love each other. Now, he is angry with his roommate(who by the way had left after 1 week our story was over, I wonder which story?) HE wants revenge. My intention was for us to leave the Past and create a new loving life together. He says he is not angry with me, and he loves me but also says how can he be with me after all that happened. I cant help but feel really guilty, I feel guilty, because I went with his roommate. Now he had commitment phobic, he says this is one more reason not to get married with me. I feel like ****... on one hand I want to move on, and forget all, on the other hand I feel much more closer to him for having said each other the COMPLETE truth. His pride has been hurt more than anything and he talks to his other two roommates, who feel sorry all times for him..so he is more hurt ego wise. Now, I also feel he and I truly love each other and we are fine together and more connected than ever, but then......he looks back and wants to do something to the other guy about it. This is making me crazy, please COMMENT!!
DazednConfused Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 Good morning Princess, Your b/f may get over this in time. Us males are far more fragile creatures than we would have you believe. He fooled around on you, you fooled around on him. His indiscretion was just a physical thing to him, and no reflection on you (in his eyes), but he feels that he was somehow "not man enough", so you strayed to his roommate. You did good with the whole honesty thing, and I think by doing so, you gave it the only chance you are going to have of carrying on this relationship. Although I have my reservations about whether the guy is worth the trouble, hang in there and give it time.
Pocky Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 This relationship doesn't sound healthy. Why did you get back into it after he left you for someone else?
Velveteel Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 One thought is that you should stop pleading and reasoning with your BF and explain that neither of you can change the past. If he can't draw a line and move on with you from there, then you should wish each other well and break it off cleanly this time. Tell him this, and mean it. You can't spend the next year or two of your life apologizing and walking on eggshells and trying to calm him down. He sounds very young. Maybe he'll be forced to grow, as you have been, by this experience. Or maybe it's all just too much for him. If that's true, then he's not ready for marriage, which takes incredible maturity and emotional resilience.
babybear Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 I can totally relate to what happened with you. My bf went on vacation, partied it up, and cheated on me with a couple of ppl. It was heartbreaking and I moved on for a while and then eventually we got back together. I was sorta dating/sleeping with an ex while we were apart, but continued to do so after we got back together. I just didn't care really...and didn't feel guilty...and personally, I just didn't see why I had to commit b/c he was ready. I mean, he had some fun, so why couldn't I? The committment just didn't mean what it used to because he broke something when he cheated. Well....2 wrongs don't make a right...and I don't think I did the right thing...but I also think that I was reacting and coping and I probably went about it in a deconstructive way. I was sleeping with my ex for a good couple months, and then jsut snapped out of it, and decided I had enough revenge and maybe now I could begin accepting the situation. So....what I am trying to say is that he put you thru something extraordinarily painful and traumatic. He has to understand why you did what you did and place it in the context of the whole situation. He made you feel like this, and you were angry and you wanted to hurt him and so on. Now, to me it's a bit hypocritical that he wanted you to take him back, but now he can't take you back. But, I think he's suffering a bruised ego, and yes, it's EXTREMELY hurtful and painful to think of you with somoene else. I mean, to him the cheating he did was just sex but when he thinks of you doing it, it means a whole lot more. Talk it out, it can be worked out. And don't beat yourself up about it. You didn't really ask for any of it...he brought it all on when he slipped up big time.
Author princess75 Posted August 15, 2004 Author Posted August 15, 2004 It is interesting, that telling my truth to everyone. I actually got to know he had never left the girl. That was quite painful. Now I guess it is game over. I have always put him first then me, and have made his "mistakes" seem less. Guys...bluntly speaking it is like this. HE never came back to me, he was with me never telling me he was still with the other girl. I am so dumb and stupid, to have trusted him at all.(for what a 3rd or 4th time?) He only wants to make me feel guilty, hey who said that is someone is telling me the truth of the situation, I am in fault? Please, even if I was, I was on my own. Never mind... we all learn. Thanks
Velveteel Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 AAAGH! What an awful story. I'm sorry you're going through this. He's trying to have everything (and everyone) at once and is clearly not ready for ANY kind of relationship. As much as it hurts, you're better off on your own.
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