eleanorhurting Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Reading all these horrible stories on the dating forum makes me panic about ever having to date again in my life. Can someone give me a little courage about how completely kicking my on and off boyfriend who does not love me to the curve will eventually result in being in a good relationship in the long run (not now, but eventually)
ThaWholigan Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Of course it will. You just have to stick to your boundaries but keep an open and enthusiastic mind towards going after what you want . Don't let the discouragement overtake you! 1
TouchedByViolet Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Well, being in a bad relationship is worse than being single. 10
Drseussgrrl Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 How old are you? Not gonna lie - dating sucks but yes, at least there is still some hope I could meet someone, the possibility is there. Not so much when you're stuck with a d-bag.
Author eleanorhurting Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 How old are you? Not gonna lie - dating sucks but yes, at least there is still some hope I could meet someone, the possibility is there. Not so much when you're stuck with a d-bag. almost 26 I am moving in 6 months and starting my life all over again somewhere else which im pretty excited about. About half of the people I went to school with and know from home I plan to never, ever talk to again and I will be overcome with Joy to never have to see them again
Drseussgrrl Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 26?? Girl dump him and go meet new people. You're young and life is way too short to be wasting on a douche who doesn't treat you right. 4
Author eleanorhurting Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 26?? Girl dump him and go meet new people. You're young and life is way too short to be wasting on a douche who doesn't treat you right. well I am 25. 26 next month. There are absolutely NO people where I live so I will be single for now. Maybe when I move
EasyHeart Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Every time you break up with someone, it feels like you'll never meet anyone as smart, attractive, sweet, kind (blah, blah, blah) as him/her ever again. Then a few months later you do, and can't even believe you ever dated that other loser. It happens every time. I won't lie and tell you that life always gets better. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it sucks, so we have to just ride the waves up and down instead of trying to fight them. And it's a lot more fun if you face the waves with a smile and know that whatever goes down will go back up. Like ThaWholigan said, enthusiasm and optimism will get you a long way in getting what you want. The rest is about kicking ass. That's basically the secret to life: Smile and kick some ass. 5
veggirl Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Don't worry so much, El. I know, sometimes when I read threads on here it makes me feel pessimistic too, but remember people come on here because they are hurting and need help/advice. People don't seek out this forum to talk about how happy they are and how wonderful things are going--those people aren't searching on the internet for this forum! Sure if people stick around and kind of become part of the community / regulars they will post happy updates, but remember the majority of posters come in for a few threads seeking advice and then they are gone. My advice to you is figure out exactly what you want and what your dealbreakers are. Never chase a man, if you have to he has low interest. Never put forth more effort than you are getting in return. Don't put up with drama or wishy washyness at the beginning of a relationship, never be afraid to walk away, esp early on. You will weed people out without becoming attached if you figure out what your boundaries are and aren't afraid to enforce them. Lessons learned...you'll find yourself someday saying "ahh so THIS is how it's supposed to be!" when you are with the right person, when the relationship just flows and the relationship isn't such work. Relationships shouldn't leave you feeling frustrated and exhausted and confused, and the right one won't. 4
xpaperxcutx Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Things happen when you least expect them. It means taking a leap of faith and hoping for the best. Likewise being single is better than wasting your youth with someone who will never ever love you. For me, I met my boyfriend when I least expected to. 1
FitChick Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 If you're moving in a few months, why not put up a dating profile and look for men in that area? You can become friends with them first so, at the very least, you will know some people when you move, even if there is no romance.
Author eleanorhurting Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 If you're moving in a few months, why not put up a dating profile and look for men in that area? You can become friends with them first so, at the very least, you will know some people when you move, even if there is no romance. Thanks you guys for your kind words of advice I am not sure where I am moving to yet! Its funny that you mention this because I actually created a match.com profile that I used to snoop around for a while. The program I loved the most out of all that i interviewed at is in Providence, Rhode Island. When I went there the residents hinted that its really hard to be single there and meet people. So I made up an account that I don't pay for or get to communicate with people and I have been receiving in my inbox my "matches". It is not great but it is really not so bad. Every day there is at least 1 person who I would consider dating if I were single. BUT, who says that he would be good to me, that he would treat me right, that we would click, etc. Anyway, I am not really looking for right now. It is just very hard to let go right now as crappy as things are and I guess I would like to know that if I let go now, somewhere down the road my happy ending will happen without suffering as much as the awful dating stories here.
Author eleanorhurting Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 by the way, I used meetup when I was in Massachusetts and I am totally using it again wherever I go to meet new friends!
Kamille Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 El, I saw your posts about NC in the OTT and wanted to tell you that I think you're doing the right thing. Your ex is really missing out. What you want is someone who will make you feel loved and secure, something your ex never did. He seemed, instead, more invested in staying in control of the relationship rather than letting you in, hearing you out and providing you with emotional support. Is there hope? For you, I would say definitely yes. You're beautiful, you're sweet and you definitely have the capacity to love. You have a lot to offer - don't you forget it! Make sure you screen guys appropriately when you start dating again. I also gather that you tend to be a perfectionist and a bit anxious. If I were you, I would read up on anxiety and assertiveness as a way to make sure you don't find yourself in the same kinds of relationship over and over again (the way I did in my 20s). You're not perfect, no one is. I think it would help if you worked on accepting yourself flaws and all so that the next time a guy tries to use your anxiety/perfectionism against you, you won't let him (or, at least, you will be on to his bs sooner rather than later). So yes, chin up girl - there is hope! You're single, young, sweet, smart, funny, beautiful and new adventures await you! 2
Pyro Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Reading all these horrible stories on the dating forum makes me panic about ever having to date again in my life. Can someone give me a little courage about how completely kicking my on and off boyfriend who does not love me to the curve will eventually result in being in a good relationship in the long run (not now, but eventually) Please disregard the garbage post above mine. You can't expect too many happy stories on the dating forum. Its going to happen. You learned from the experience what you will and will not tolerate. You are going on 26 and starting med school. You are at a great time in your life, so go out and have fun but be patient. Take your time when meeting a guy to make sure that he is right for you. I've been through my fair share of break-ups and I promise you that it gets better.
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