10 solid rules by Dr. Glover

[NavyAirTraffic]

“Ten Solid Rules”

 

 

(1) Be honest -- in all things.

 

Be honest with yourself and everyone else. Always tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth. Every time you reveal less than the truth, you perpetuate your feelings of fear and powerlessness. Every time you reveal less than the whole truth, you block intimacy and make it impossible for people to trust you. Even if you are honest 80% of the time, people still won’t know if they are getting the 80 or the 20. P.S., never make excuses, they are just a lie you tell yourself.

 

(2) Make your needs a priority.

 

Making your needs a priority is a sign of maturity. Mature people create numerous cooperative support systems that help everyone involved get their needs met (friends, lovers, doctors, accountants, mentors, coaches, etc). Try this, for next seven days, ask three people per day to do something for you that you can for yourself. Practice soothing your neurotic guilt as you learn to become a good receiver (how can the universe shower you with abundance if you feel guilty about receiving?).

 

(3) Be careful of not making the “exception”, the “rule”.

 

It is okay to occasionally have an extra drink, an extra piece of cheese cake, to miss two days in a row at the gym, or to spend a night mindlessly channel surfing -- just don’t make it a habit. All habits are nothing more than consistent behavior over time. It is okay to waste time and enjoy hedonistic pleasure, just do it consciously. When you start making the exceptions the rule, you run the risk of becoming fat, lazy, non-productive, isolated, dishonest, and easily distracted and frustrated.

 

(4) Welcome challenge and be a good ender.

 

The brain is happiest when challenged. Develop a “bring it” attitude toward challenge and life’s difficulties. Find a way to turn every “oh no, I have to”, into an “oh boy, I get to!” While welcoming challenge, know when it is time to walk away. Successful people are good enders. Most suffering is cause by staying in bad situations or with chaotic people way too long. Don’t try and redecorate a pig sty. When it is done, it will still be a pig sty with nice paneling and carpet. Lean into challenge, but stay the hell away from toxic people.

 

(5) Be grateful.

 

Every morning and every night, take a few moments and think of the things for which you feel grateful. This practice creates an abundance mentality and peace of mind. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have or what has been done to you, fill your mind with gratitude for what you have and what you have received. Every time you feel anxious or worried, pause, take a breath, and review your list of gratitudes.

 

(6) Exercise your body, mind, and soul.

 

Make it a habit to learn new things; learn to dance, learn a language, learn to knit, learn to cook, learn to juggle. Play scrabble, work puzzles, read the Sunday New York Times from cover to cover. Walk every chance you get. Get up at the same time every day. Match every cup of coffee, soda, beer, and alcohol with an equal amount of water. Find things that uplift you and make you a better person. Give generously to others without expectation. Slow down, take a stroll, read to a child, listen to classical music, watch a sunset.

 

(7) Break it down.

 

The human brain has the tendency to see the totality of any task that needs done. This leads to avoidance, procrastination, distraction, and a tendency to not complete things. Break every task down to the smallest part that needs to be done first. Do that thing. Then the next thing. Everything in life is easier is small pieces.

 

(8) Say “yes”.

 

Walk through open doors. I have dear friend who has lived an amazing 83 years. He frequently proclaims, “It is a sin to say ‘no’ when you should have said ‘yes’”. Make this your mantra for a good life. Every time you are stuck or feeling indecisive, just ask yourself, “would it be a sin if I said ‘no’ to this opportunity?’” Oh, another thing my friend frequently says is that the best way to spend your money is to throw a good party!

 

(9) Get out of the house.

 

I frequently state, “all miracles happen in the context of people.” So, unless you have a living room full of people, you have to get out of the house if you want to experience a miracle. I love getting up every morning not knowing how my day will end. As I tell my single guys; “get out of the house, expand your route, linger in public, talk to everyone, and walk through the open doors. Every time you walk out your front door, expect a miracle!

 

(10) Never take anything personally.

 

This is the cause of all wars and all personal conflict. People’s actions are always telling a story about them, not you. Whenever you are feeling victimized, ask the person to stop, remove yourself, or lovingly accept your situation in peace. In most situations, you are a volunteer, not victim. If you can change the situation, do something. If you can’t, accept it as one of life’s learning experiences.

 

-Dr. Robert Glover-

[NavyAirTraffic]

I'm taking absolutely zero credit for this!! These are great rules for everyone and especially dumpees/dumpers.

 

Dr. Glover is a licensed family and marriage therapist and the author of "No More Mr. Nice Guy!" (I'm not promoting the book, I have no affiliation) (but it is a great read ).

[Mike_d]

Awesome stuff, his No More Mister Nice Guy book should be required reading for any guy prior to posting here, no exceptions. Want a clue on why you are wallowing, begging, pleading, miserable, and why you're where you are right now? Invest the $10 or whatever it costs I to yourself, buy and download the PDF and be ready for change.

[Aero_E]

The book "No more Mr. Nice Guy!" is definitely worth a read. I just downloaded it and reading through the first couple of chapters and following through on what Dr. Glover is saying has pointed out a lot of issues and has helped me see things the other way around.

 

So for all you people that are told "You're such a nice guy but... <Insert breakup speech here>", this book could definitely be worth a read.