Beachbabe9109 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 We've been dating for 6 months. Every time I'm over at his house, he asks me to stay the night. I do sometimes, but sometimes I can't. My parents are very against it (I still live with them, so that makes it kind of hard..) and he knows that. But even knowing that he still asks. And when I say no, or I can't, he will keep asking and asking. It is really stressing me out and I don't know what to do or say about it. One time it kind of caused a small argument because he says I'm an adult and should be able to think for myself. And he says that if I want to do something (i.e. stay the night) and I'm letting someone (my parents) not let me, then I'm not being myself. So I don't know what to do... I don't want to cause an argument or anything, but I guess next time he brings it up I need to say something. We are in our early 20's.
pteromom Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 There are a couple of different issues here. One is that you are in your early 20s and your parents still have a say in whether you spend the night or not. You need to talk to them. Tell them "I understand your feelings about it. Thank you for caring about me. But I am 20-whatever years old and have to live my own life. If you would feel better if I text you when I get to his place so you know I am ok, I will do that." Or something to that effect. Then there's your boyfriend, who isn't respecting your boundaries. You say NO and he keeps pushing. That's not good. He needs to respect your NO. There are several ways you could handle this... Have one night a week where you stay the night, and that's just the standing date for sleeping over, and it never happens otherwise. Start setting up his expectations before you get to the end of the date. "I am not going to be able to stay over tonight" early in the night, or "Hey, should I pack an overnight bag?" before you leave your home. The goal is to take control and manage his expectations. Talk to him. Tell him that you want him to respect your decisions rather than trying to change your mind. Tell him it is very important to you.
Ami1uwant Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 (edited) reminds me of my brother and his relationship with his now wife. His apt was about a block from her home where she still lived with her parents. They were both over 21. She still lived at home going to college. He just graduated and worked. She would go over to his place to do homework. Her dad still wanted to impose a cerfew of something like 9pm. This led to a few arguments which resulted in her moving out and in with my brother. A few years later after graduation they both went off together to grad school when they returned from grad school prior to their marriage my brother couldnt sleep in the same bed as her. You actually do need to stand up to your parents. You are an adult and they seem to not acept this. Or they do not approve of him. Edited December 18, 2012 by Ami1uwant
Recommended Posts