blue_jay_bird Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 So I was on a third date with this man, and i ended up going down on him. I asked for a return of the favor and he said he only goes down on girls he's in a relationship with. I don't know what to think of this. I feel kind of cheep, and well worried that this guy sleeps around. And i feel silly.. i don't know what to think but, is giving a bj, dangerous, concerning std's? I feel stupid.
SmileFace Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Did you continue to have sex with him after he said this?
Author blue_jay_bird Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 We didn't have a condom, so no.. it was just a bj.
SmileFace Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 no, it was just a bj. Plus, i wasn't willing.. too soon. However it is ok to receive oral sex outside of a relationship? People. Yes you can get a STD from oral - I am guessing that a non-question. However I would have packed my bags and moved right along after that. 8
Author blue_jay_bird Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 However it is ok to receive oral sex outside of a relationship? People. Yes you can get a STD from oral - I am guessing that a non-question. However I would have packed my bags and moved right along after that. The STD's was a non-question. But yeah, it seems greedy. Or he gets around. And doesn't like going down on a women. Is this what other's think too? I feel like, i don't know what im doing. Was giving a bj on the third date, risky of me? What are the sexual norms?
iris219 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Sounds like he just wanted a bj and wasn't all that into you. Yeah, that sucks and he's a selfish jerk. Clearly, he doesn't care about seeing you again. Lesson learned. Don't be too hard on yourself about it. 2
sweetkiwi Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I usually don't perform oral sex on a man who isn't my boyfriend. Its just personal choice. You shouldn't feel bad though, sorry ::hugs:: i hate that feeling. Use this as a lesson. Set boundaries for yourself. Realize that not everyone you date is the right guy for you, even right for now. That you will live to date another day and the only person who has the power to judge you is you. So love yourself. You're only human. And don't give random head.
sweetkiwi Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 There are no sexual norms. Period. There are only rules you set for yourself, your body, your spirit. And who cares about this guy. Who knows what he's thinking. That's not your concern now. Think about it beforehand next time around. 2
SmileFace Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 The STD's was a non-question. But yeah, it seems greedy. Or he gets around. And doesn't like going down on a women. Is this what other's think too? I feel like, i don't know what im doing. Was giving a bj on the third date, risky of me? What are the sexual norms? It doesn't really matter how it seems. However stuff like this should be discussed. I think it is ok if he was doesn't want to give oral before a relationship - however he should have enough dececny to tell you that so you can make an inform decision.
kiss_andmakeup Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 There are no sexual norms. Period. There are only rules you set for yourself, your body, your spirit. And who cares about this guy. Who knows what he's thinking. That's not your concern now. Think about it beforehand next time around. This. Next time, I'd consider taking a different course of action. First time intimacy should be a mutually fulfilling experience. You basically just allowed yourself to be used as a receptacle, and because he's (hypocritically) not interested in reciprocating, that's going to intensify that feeling. Have you heard from him since then? If not I'd say good riddance, and just be a little bit more cautious next time. 4
Feelin Frisky Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I've gotten the opposite. Went down and munched away only to be told "I don't do that unless I'm n love" (or similar evasive words). I just chalked it up to them wanting to be sure I was exclusive with them they they weren't getting some other chick's traces. I didn't freak and didn't have to wait long for their drives to take over. 1
pteromom Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 My guess is he doesn't enjoy giving oral, and it was easier saying he doesn't do it outside of a relationship. 1
newmoon Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 personally i only give bjs for serious, long-term relationship partners, like over 6 months at least - once we've both been checked for stds, so i suppose he could have the same 'rule' applied to women. personally, it does seem cheap to just give that to any guy, but hookers do it after a few minutes - at least you had a few dates :-)
Author blue_jay_bird Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 personally i only give bjs for serious, long-term relationship partners, like over 6 months at least - once we've both been checked for stds, so i suppose he could have the same 'rule' applied to women. personally, it does seem cheap to just give that to any guy, but hookers do it after a few minutes - at least you had a few dates :-) I did go to fast. but it take's you half a year to give your boyfriend a bj. seems a little much.
mtber75 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 You been used! I better try that next time I'm with a girl because I usually don't have condoms on me so I'll suggest she go down on me!
edgygirl Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 He used you and obviously doesn't like doing it on a girl. The exclusive relationship thing is just an excuse. If he was really worried about diseases, he shouldn't have this double standard. He doesn't seem to be fun anyway - I would never want to be with a guy who doesn't enjoy reciprocating. Let him go and learn the lesson. 1
Lobouspo Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Keep your pants errr....mouth zipped up and dont be such a tramp. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I never go down on a guy until he goes down on me first. I recommend taking this approach in the future. And all the people bashing the OP for this need to have a little sympathy. I'm sure you've done a stupid thing or two in your life. 7
Author blue_jay_bird Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Yeah i do feel these, accusations of being a tramp are very harsh. I'm pretty sure if the table's where flipped they wouldn't be calling a guy a slut. And if anyone would even bother to look through my post's this huge slut has been with one guy for seven years. I'v never dated, and i guess what i go to a website for advice because i don't know what the rule's are. Kind of sad are sexual education has to be learned from the internet. No one has ever taught me that i have to wait till we are in a relationship. Or that people use other's for sexual desires. I know this sound's like something a idiot could figure out. Well i would prefer being called a idiot rather then a tramp. Cause it's what i feel like. 2
sweetkiwi Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 He may not be lying. I love giving oral and i don't do it for every tom, dick, and harry. He may not have used you. But don't put yourself in such a compromising position. You are not a slut. You may not even be an idiot as long as you learn your lesson. You are trusting. Its not so bad. Be discerning. Be cautions. 1
edgygirl Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 You're in no way a tramp! We all been there & done that (well at least most of us) and you only learn these things through experience. Thankfully you have the great people in here to advise you to avoid these situations in the future. Doing this for guys that don't care about our feelings or at least our satisfaction only makes us feel sad and bitter the next day. Unless you are into having a sexual relationship only (which is fine if that's what you want), it's better to avoid doing those things too early before there's an understanding of where each of you stands.
kaylan Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 So I was on a third date with this man, and i ended up going down on him. I asked for a return of the favor and he said he only goes down on girls he's in a relationship with. I don't know what to think of this. I feel kind of cheep, and well worried that this guy sleeps around. And i feel silly.. i don't know what to think but, is giving a bj, dangerous, concerning std's? I feel stupid. 1. Launch this fool pronto and never return any contact he tries to make with you. Hes a user, a loser, and all around selfish. How in the world can he accept oral from you, and then not return it with the BS reasoning he gave you? 2. If he was worried about a relationship and believed what he said, he wouldnt have accepted oral from you. 3. Yes oral sex can be dangerous if protection is not used. PLEASE DONT EVER TALK TO THIS IDIOT AGAIN! 2
yongyong Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I don't know if guys will agree or not. I can just tell if I will go down on her or not just by looking at her appearance he is just not that into you or he just doesn't like it for any other girls. In the end, I would use the same excuse if I don't like her 100%
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