bewilderedheart1 Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 My bf of two years and I have been doing no contact on and off for the last 3 weeks. He's supposed to visit this weekend for a few days so we can go to couples therapy and spend some time together. So we've done some talking about trying to rebuild trust. If you read my previous post (boyfriend lied about contacts) it might give you some background. The thing is, he's been keeping me from his friends. I thought a relationship was about sharing your lives? I understand that you don't need to be together constantly, but to never want your girlfriend around your friends? Is that supposed to be normal? I don't know how long I should put up with this, he's been doing it for a long time (and we've been long distance as well) and lately things were supposed to be different. I could understand him doing it last year when things got messy but now we're in therapy and things are supposed to be better. His reason is he doesn't want to get in a fight with me while he's out with his friends. Yet, he said himself the group he's hanging out with this weekend is easygoing and should be fine to hang out with, so why is he still saying he doesn't want me there? Is it wrong for me to be offended? I said it's showing me he doesn't trust me not to get moody or pick a fight, and how am I supposed to prove myself otherwise, if he won't even give me a chance? I don't know, I'm becoming really discouraged despite the therapy. I feel more and more like he's just pushing me away or that maybe I should think about letting go. Yet, the therapist says, he must care because he's the one who wanted us to go to therapy in the first place and he still seems to be trying. Is he really trying? Then why does he keep breaking up with me when we get in a fight instead of working through it? I'm tired of the stress but I still love him. I'm so confused. Any thoughts?
YellowLioness Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 He sounds like he loves you, but has some intimacy and commitment issues. I know several guys in my age range that feel like this. He probably wants to keep his friends and his girl friend seperate. That way, if something happens, the break up will go more smoothly because you aren't friends with his friends. It may be that he just needs guy time. Perhaps he is just as stressed out about the relationship as you are, and uses his friends as a means of relaxation. Hence, he doesn't want to include a new, stressful factor in the group. It could be that he doesn't think you'll like his friends, or that his friends won't like you. It seems that the first meeting between a girfriend and a boyfriend's friends is always going to be a bit awkward. He may not be as ready to settle down as you are yet. You may just have to be patient with him. Or, if you feel that you can't be, you can always move on to being single, or to the next guy.
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